Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Staying In The "Right Now"

So often lately, (maybe forever), I feel like I am doing everything in my life half-assed.  (Sorry for the language.)

I have dinner cooking in the crock pot but the kitchen hasn't been cleaned.  I have clean laundry, but none of it is folded or put away.  I have dirty laundry sorted but not in the washer yet.  In all honesty, laundry is a lost battle in my house....I just need to try and keep up with it so we don't lose any of our small children in the piles.

So often I hear the word 'inadequate' shouted in my head.  Actually, it's more like this...
"You are SO INADEQUATE!!!!"

Trying to keep everyone happy is a mostly impossible feat....yet, it doesn't stop me from trying every day.  Some days I certainly fall short...some days WAY short...some days it seems like I forgot to show up at all!

I want all my kids to feel loved and important.  I want their memories to be of me being physically and emotionally present in their lives.  It's such a struggle because of having little ones....mostly because of having Peter.  Sporting events aren't easy things to get to if we have to bring our whole crew.  But I want to be a part of all of it....and I want them to want me to be a part of it!

Being a multitasker is a good thing most of the time...but if my focus is on trying to check off all the things on my to-do list then opportunities to just "be" with my kids can take a back seat.  That can be opportunities to play with Luke, or snuggle with Kate, or really listen and be fully present when the older kids tell me about their day.  There has to be some type of order in the house....but I don't want to miss all these fleeting moments to enjoy my kids.  Finding the balance isn't easy!

Too many times I get caught up in thinking about "what's next" that I forget to focus on "what's right now"!  I miss expressions, or opportunities to look deeper at things, or listen to kids open up, or open up and let kids know me as more than just the person nagging them about homework and cleaning their room.

Today I am linking up with Shell at Things I Can't Say.