First, God starts with a whisper. If we ignore that, He moves on to the tap on the shoulder. If we continue to ignore, He moves onto poking us with the stick...then the 2x4....etc., etc....until He gets to the wrecking ball. And I always say,
"You want to avoid the wrecking ball at all costs!"
Well, right now I'm following my own advice. I would like to say that I listened to the whisper or the tap, but I'm a stubborn, capable, multitasking woman that still has a lot to learn!
I would like to say I responded to the stick, but no. I can say that I acknowledged the stick and said to God, "Yah, yah, yah....I know I'm not dealing with "x" or "y" very well, but I will work through it. I wasn't ignoring or stuffing the issues....just procrastinating.
When God decides that the time has come.....well, let's just say there's no avoiding Him!
After last week's stress and Thursday's migraine, I didn't rebound very well. The fact that we had a fundraising gala on Friday night and a close friend's birthday party on Saturday was tough because I didn't get the rest I needed. (For the record, the only drink I had both nights was water! Taking ibuprofin was much more important to me than alcohol!)
Based on my head pain by the end of Saturday night, I'm pretty sure I had another mild migraine. I was a mess by Sunday morning. I barely made it through Mass. Afterwards, I came directly home and put on sweats and stayed on the couch most of the day. I felt foggy, exhausted, and my depth perception was off. Feeling so terrible was also triggering a small handful of panic attacks over the day which just made all the other symptoms even worse. I was praying before bed and the image of a wrecking ball came in my head. I think God was warning me to 'avoid the wrecking ball at all costs", and I was determined to do that.
I thought I felt better Monday, still a little foggy and still struggling with the panic attacks and eyes that were sensitive to light. All the kids but Luke went back to school(kindergarten screenings), and my friend, Laura, invited us for a morning play date. The kids had fun and it was a good distraction for me to hang with friends. I rested Monday afternoon and felt a little better by bed time.
Tuesday was a set back. Panic attacks, even worse feelings of depth perception, light sensitive eyes, and exhaustion. I decided to get an eye exam and was able to schedule it for early afternoon. I also called my primary doctor who wanted me to go for a ct scan to make sure there wasn't something serious happening. I did both with the help of my parents, and thankfully both the exam and the scan were fine.
It's hard for moms to take care of themselves...but we have to be honest with ourselves and what we need because if we stop functioning, everyone suffers! Emotional duct tape only lasts so long! Sometimes we have to actually fix what is broken......
I'm feeling better today.(Thank you, God!) I'm trying to lay low and keep calm. I had a follow up doctor's appointment this am, and while my mother-in-law and sister-in-law had Kate, I took advantage of the moment to spend a little quiet time in adoration. I also shared what was going on with some friends, and it always helps to know people care and are praying for you!
I'm going to see a therapist for a bit as well. I just need a little help to work through some of the major causes of my anxiety...particularly the fact that turning the big 4-0 in June doesn't seem to be 'agreeing' with my emotions. It sounds so silly, really, but the extreme anxiety attacks are no laughing matter! It's hard for me to ask for help.....
Sound familiar to any of the wonderful, strong-willed moms I know? (And my dad readers...you guys are even worse! But that's a whole other post....:)
If any of my readers feels a little lost or confused or you are going through a tough time right now....I urge you to listen to God's whisper...or tap...or poke...or 2x4!
I am determined to avoid having God resort to using the wrecking ball to get my attention! Asking for help is a much better alternative.