Last week I enjoyed a break from homeschooling everyone but Peter. We all needed it so badly! While we have certainly been blessed that the schools Kate, Luke and Ellie attend are still moving forward and learning new material....it's been a real challenge to adjust to school at home amidst all the other emotions that living in the midst of a pandemic brings.
Halfway through our break week came the announcement that school would not resume for the rest of the school year. While it certainly wasn't a surprise, it was still a real disappointment. The announcement took away all hope that there would be any kind of "normal" schedule for any of us for the next couple of months.There would be no opportunity for closure for a school year unlike any other. No hope of seeing their friends or their teacher or their classroom. It's like a story that forgot to include an ending.
There is grief in that and it comes in waves at unexpected times. Sometimes those moments of missing how life was and not knowing when it will return is just so heavy on my heart.
There was an article I read that a friend shared on Facebook about all of us being in the same storm, but on different boats. It's so true. While I think just about everyone has struggles some days with the isolation and fear...(although I'm sure there are some introverts that feel like having to stay home is amazing)....the pandemic has affected people on many different levels and to many different degrees. Some people are losing so much money waiting for when their businesses will be allowed to be opened, others are making more money staying home and collecting unemployment. Some families are trying to balance working at home while schooling their children. Health care workers are carrying a tremendous burden of trying to care for sick patients and worrying about bringing home illness to their families. There are families with special needs children that are struggling to handle their behaviors from their routines being completely off and no time line for when they might resume. The elderly, like my 97 year old grandfather, are struggling with loneliness and isolation because they can't have any visitors, can't eat meals with the other residents, and spend most of the day alone in their rooms that have begun to feel like prison cells. Other people are enjoying this "temporary retirement" and don't mind if they are stuck home for a while longer.
Since it's week six of quarantine, I have managed to find a better balance with the kids' schedules. (at least most days). The kids' schools and teachers have started to adjust the workload as well. Everyone was trying to keep things plugging along at a normal pace, but life is no longer normal. There is nothing normal about living in a pandemic world. We're all trying to figure out things as we go along as best we can. I'm making a conscious effort to only do what is necessary in regards to school work. Anything optional, unless one of my kids is enthusiastic about doing it, is a hard pass for me right now. My goal is to get through the year with most of my mental health intact!
I consider it a win if, by the time Jay gets home from work, dinner is almost ready and part of the house isn't a complete disaster. Keeping the living and the kitchen mostly neat gives me a sense of outward calm even when I'm feeling anything but calm on the inside. (The family room and the kids' bedrooms on the other hand are just begging for some time and attention...which we still try to tackle every Saturday!) Everyday necessities are home schooling, dishes, laundry, and dinner. Anything else is a bonus and I don't want to feel guilty about not having a Martha Stuart quarantine house.
Sometimes, if the kids are on a break and they're playing well together and having fun, I let the break last as long as the calm does. Some days, if the kids are having a tv break and I'm hitting a wall then I take a power nap. If everyone is quietly doing schoolwork or they're occupied on a Zoom call with their teachers, I try and sit down and enjoy a quasi quiet moment while I read whatever devotional book or inspiring book I'm working through. (Right now, it's Loved as I Am by Sr. Miriam James Heidland and Seeking Peace by Allison Gingras)
I miss the quiet...I miss alone time. I miss going to Mass and my Saturday morning adoration hour. I've been able to get out to the church to pray a few times for a very short amount of time, but it's not easy to sneak away. My older crew is busy with grad school work or high school studies and I don't want to overburden them with the younger kids. Peter has also had his ups and downs, and on the days that his emotions are elevated and he is struggling I don't feel comfortable leaving him. Weekdays are busy for Jay, too. He has so much on his plate that there's no free time for either of us. Since Jay is a physical therapist, he is the only person my grandfather's assisted living allows in to visit and care for him. Jay is Pepere's only link to our family and the only visitor he gets, so every morning before work Jay heads over to give Pepere his pills and help him open his breakfast containers and his sugar packets because Pepere is legally blind and his 97 year old fingers don't work the way he wants them to. Then, after working until 530 or 6 and having dinner, Jay heads to Pepere's and spends over an hour sitting with him to try and take away some of his loneliness.
In a lot of ways, life for us is very much like prepandemic life except now we have so much more stress, fear, and responsibilities!
I know that so many people are going through a lot right now. We are blessed that our families are healthy. I'm definitely still longing for when life feels more like it used to be before Covid-19 entered the world like a wrecking ball!
I've mentioned before that Jay is also the volunteer leader of our parish's high school youth group. He just made a new, short video titled "What is essential right now?". In it, he shares a really inspiring story about his sister, Julie, who is a nurse in one of the Boston hospitals. (He calls her his "little sister" and makes it sound like she's a kid lol. In reality, she's married with two adorable little girls.)
Here's the link to check it out.
