Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The Place I Need To Be

I think I need a deep breath moment.  You know, one where you take a moment to re-focus and sort through some emotions and figure out which ones need to be let go of and which ones need to addressed.

I refuse to let my feelings of inadequacy ruin!

I wish that I could be all things to all people.  But I can't.

I need to stop absorbing stress from my mother.  They are having some employee problems.  They really need a full time office manager and at one time, before I got pregnant with Luke, they were hoping I would be that person.  

I just can't be.

Luke and Kate need their mom full time right now.  I belong here with them.

I still feel like I'm letting my parents down.  Feeling inadequate just triggers all the other ways I feel inadequate until that emotional tornado in my head starts spinning and picking up speed.  (Anyone relate to the emotional tornado?!?)

Thankfully, I recognize it now.(After years of practice!)  I refuse to feed it and let it take over my day!

So, I'm choosing to give the mess to God.  I'm asking Him to help my parents and send them the people they need to run their business.  I'm asking for the grace to be organized and maintain some level of outer order and peace in my home.  I'm asking for the grace to know what I'm supposed to be doing in regards to blogging and time management and the ability to supplement Jay's income so that he doesn't have to carry all the pressure.  Most importantly, I'm asking for the grace and guidance to be the mother my children need.

It's Luke's new phrase to me the morning, when he wants me to do something for him, when he wakes up in the middle of the night...."Mommy, I need you!"

I'm right the place I need to be.

Linking with Walk With Him Wednesdays and PYHO and Gifts We Use.