Saturday, June 2, 2012

Don't Blink!

I found a re-run of the Walton's family reunion on the Hallmark channel tonight.  The show went back and forth between memories of the kids when they were young and then being all together as adults for John Boy's wedding.

It made me cry.  It made me think of the baby boy I held in my arms 19 years ago...the baby that made me a mother..the baby that now towers over me by 9 inches and has to shave every day.  The same little boy that held my hand and gave me hugs and saw me as the center of his world is the same young man who is searching for another woman to be the center of his world and begin his own grown-up life.

That makes me cry.
It seems like just yesterday that Mike was the little toddler in the sand box!

It may sound awful, but what makes me cry even more, is that if he is 19, then I am getting older.  Someday I am going to be Mrs. Walton....seeing her children getting married, having grandbabies.  Don't get me wrong, I want to be present for that stage in my life more than anything.  But reaching that stage means that the time of having my own babies will be over and another chapter of my life will be closed.  Most of the time I am SO BUSY nursing, diaper changing, making meals, cleaning up after meals, doing laundry, and more dishes and more laundry, and keeping track of meets and games and practices, etc, that the days and weeks go by SO FAST.  By the time I get a chance to take a breath, weeks or months have gone by, and I barely realized it!

As my 30's get closer to coming to an end, I find myself appreciating this stage of my life even more because I know my time is limited.  In my 20's I felt like I had all the time in the world.  The physical ability to have children seemed endless.  Feeling young and in control seemed like it would always be there.

But now.....

Now I don't know if I am nursing my last child?  Now I know that each day I have my two grandparents still with us at 93 and 89 is such a gift.  Now I know that my parents, as they begin to round the corner towards 70, will not always be able to physically do all they do right now.

I remember when my mother turned 40.  I was 15 at the time.  And now, I am the one that is 2 years away from turning 40.  I can't believe how quickly time has gone.

Jay and I will be married for 20 years this year!  20 YEARS!!!  That definitely means I am not in my 20's anymore!  Twenty years always felt like such a LONG time.  Not anymore!  Don't blink!

I am grateful for the (almost) 20 years of memories.  I am grateful that we are even closer now than the day we exchanged our wedding vows.  I am grateful that I have a chance to appreciate my time with my baby and toddler in a deeper way because I know how fast this special time will speed by.

"The days are long but the years are short."(Gretchen Rubin) 

 I want to be physically, mentally and emotionally present for each and every moment!