Wednesday, July 17, 2013

What I Really Need

Ok, I have a question....

How do you figure out what you really need?

I know there is the basic necessities list:  like food, water, shelter and love.  (And I'm am blessed and grateful to have all of those things..thank-you, God!)

I'm talking about filling up the old emotional tank so that, as a wife, mother, and friend, I actually have something to offer the people that God has placed in my life.

I know that the answer must be different for each person...because we all have different emotional needs and we all have different things that are important to us.

My blogging and real life friend, Colleen, amazes me at her ability to make exercise a priority in her life and fit it into her schedule almost every day while juggling a full time job, 5 children, and a husband!

I mean...I work one measly morning a week outside of my home and I still can't seem to consistently work exercise into my schedule.

Everyone in this house always seems to have needs that arise 3 times faster than my own.  Since I seem to give birth to the crappiest sleepers on the planet...seriously, there should be a contest.  I would at least be in the top 10!....getting up earlier in the morning before the other kids do is generally not an option.  And, realistically, as soon as I unwedge myself try and sneak out of bed, less than 5 minutes later one or two small children are whining and crying for me.  Then, by the time I re-settle them, that short window of opportunity is gone.

It's just a tough schedule here...though I know lots of people have it so much worse!  (ugh..I'm sorry...I know...nobody likes a complainer).

Jay has to start getting ready for work at 7 so he can be out of the house at 8.  Most nights he is home between 6:15 and 6:30 and, by the time we eat dinner it's after 7 and time for clean up and baths.  Most nights at least one of the kids has something going on so one of us has to play taxi driver!  By the time clean up is done it's after 8 and Kate is ready to snuggle and nurse for bedtime.

I know this is a season in our life.  (Of course, with a large family, we seem to be in this 'season' perpetually!  Because of Peter's special needs, it was like having the toddler stage last 10 years just with him!  And, as hard as it is that Kate and Luke both wake up a couple of times a night, that's nothing compared to the years that Peter would wake up at least 3 or 4 nights a week and be wide awake for 3 to 4 hour at a time!  I speak the truth when I say I have not slept through the night in 12 years!)

Anyway...trying to take care of a family isn't easy for anyone at times...whether you have 1 or a dozen!  I love being a wife and mom...I just feel like I'm losing track of who I am as a person.  I'm so in tune with trying to care for the basic needs of my children and husband and figure out how to fill their emotional tanks that I've managed to lose sight of my own.

Honestly, sometimes it feels that I have so many emotional needs that they could never be met anyway so why even bother ....(I know that's a lie because God is way bigger than everything...but feelings aren't always easy to reign in!)

I don't even know what I need anymore.  Jay has asked me to figure out what I need and when I tell him I don't even know...he just shakes his head because it's one of those situation where "you just can't win for losing."

I know this is a mountain I have to start climbing.  Finding a place to start, getting started...and not giving up after just one or two the hardest part!