Monday, July 15, 2013

Keeping Life From Getting Mucky!

Thankfully, we had a pretty laid back weekend.  We had another psuedo date night with Kate and Luke so I could use my Kohl's cash and we could run by Lowes for a few things.  Can I just say how much Luke loves tool stores?!?  He gets so's hilarious!(just like his daddy:)

Both Kate and Luke fell asleep on the way home.  (Bonus!) Which worked out well because the older kids were waiting for us when we got home to watch Avengers.

Jay loves super hero movies...and so does Sarah.  I'm more of a romantic comedy type of person.  Since there are so many older males in the house, that is almost never the popular movie choice!  (and putting a romantic comedy on is usually a good way to get the teenage boys out of the room!  HGTV works, too:)

I mostly watched the movie...although I did doze off for 15 minutes three quarters of the way through!  It was good for an action movie and had some funny one liners.

I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but sometimes I will be watching a movie or reading a book and I can really relate to a particular emotion or struggle that one of the characters is feeling/going through.  It's usually a 'teachable moment' for me that catches me off guard so I don't have time to think my way out of it.  I think God does it that way on purpose!

Anyway...that's what happened Friday night.  Want to know the character I related to?  It was Bruce Banner(a.k.a.The Incredible Hulk's better half).  I felt a "closeness" to Bruce Banner's struggle to remain calm so that the Hulk would not make an unwanted appearance.

Every once in a while, something will trigger some anger inside of me that bubbles up and feels overwhelming and I don't really understand where it comes from.  Thankfully, I don't go on a rampage and destroy whole cities but it makes me feel really crappy and I don't like feeling that way.

Years ago, a priest had told me that emotions that we don't work through just hang around and then, when you feel a similar emotion in the present, every time that you have felt with and not dealt with the emotion gets static clinged together and hits you all at once.  That'!

I've found that one of my triggers for my own overwhelming feelings happens when I feel burned out and overwhelmed and, instead of 'riding the waves' of laundry, dishes, household finances, all the demands of an 18 month old, 3 year old, teenagers, and tweens, and the perpetual lack of sleep, I feel like they are crashing on me and I can barely keep my head up to get a breath in!

This has worried me quite a bit recently.  With our insane June, and our rocky start to July, and trying to get used to the summer schedule with everyone being home, having 'alone time' has been pretty non-existent.(Heck...going to the bathroom alone is a treat!)

I'm revving up for a challenging weekend, too, since I will be flying solo without any of my older 'helpers'.  That's the real challenge when you have children with such a wide age span...if someone is with the older kids then someone gets stuck with the younger, more challenging, set.  Since I'm nursing...and have been!...I'm almost always the one left behind.  It only makes sense.  But, when I'm sucked dry from  meeting all the younger kids' needs on my own and everyone else comes back excited about white water rafting, or concerts, or retreats, or comedy shows, or whatever and we have to just jump back into regular life...still feeling sucked dry and still having to do the daily's not much fun.

And it isn't much fun for Jay, either, to know his wife is becoming unglued and not knowing what type of emotional muck he will be coming home to.

I want to be more selfless.  I want to be able to give and give and give without needing much in return.  Mostly, I just want to be able to do these harder sacrifices without my own personal hulk surfacing. is just not a good color on me!

I have been seeking...though not yet achieving...better balance in my life and trying to figure out and work through what is the root cause of my intense emotions.  I've gotten some small pieces to the puzzle but don't have it all worked out yet.  Honestly, I would rather just ignore it all and shove it back in the closet and lock the door but it appears God has other plans.

Plus, I've done that in the past with other situations and it doesn't work anyway!

OK...I've babbled on enough!  If I can coherently organize any of my thoughts about trying to work through emotional muck I will continue later in the week.

I hope your week started out on a more organized note!