Thursday, August 9, 2012

A Little Consolation

Peter's camp week saga continued yesterday.  I am resigned to his time at camp being a wash:(  His aide and I discussed it and we will try half days for today and tomorrow that mostly include swimming and lunch.  If it doesn't go well today I think I will just ax tomorrow.  I'm hoping to end the week on a good note...but if it isn't possible then I'm just crying "uncle".

Peter was supposed to go to camp for one final session the week after next.  Next week we are driving to Hershey, PA.  I'm thinking that another transition from vaca back to camp will not be pretty, so I withdrew him.  I don't want another repeat week...why bang your head against the wall on purpose, right?

I think Peter just needs a break.  I think?....hopefully?!?  So frustrating not knowing how to make it all better!

The stress of Peter's camp behaviors is getting to me.  My stomach hurts with knots of dread on the way to drop him off each morning...and then, again, on the way to pick him up.

I think my anxiety and stress over it was greatest yesterday morning.  While driving to camp, I was catching a visual glimpse into my inner emotional state.  I always visualize my emotional life as a beautiful crystal's been shattered often, sometimes fixed so it looks brand new again, sometimes in pieces held together with duct tape.  Well, yesterday morning, I saw that the vase was just a pile of sand running through my fingers.

And I thought, "Oh, crap, what do I do with that?"

Obviously, it was way beyond duct tape or super glue!  I know I need the Potter to put this vase back together.  That prayer was deep inside of me where I know only God can hear it.

I turned on the radio looking for music to be a balm to my soul....wrap it in a melody and comfort it with words of encouragement.

Dierks Bentley's song "Home" was on...and the chorus resonated with me:

It’s been a long hard ride,
Got a ways to go
But this is still the place
That we all call home.
It’s been a long hard ride,
And I won’t lose hope
This is still the place
That we all call home.

Then, I listened to Trust in You by Jeremy Camp.  It's a great song with a great beat and it's words are always consoling to me!

I definitely needed that!  

Just trying to take it one step at a time...and trying to plan for a party...and a road trip...but more on that later!