Thursday, November 15, 2012

Just a Tired Momma

We are on night 2 of terrible sleeping.  If you've visited before, you know that even on my "good" nights I wake up at least 3 times.  So, terrible sleeping makes me feel like I shouldn't have even bothered going to bed!

Kate is cutting a tooth that has looked like it was ready to pop for a week.  Hopefully, it will cut through today so she will sleep better again.  She was particularly miserable and unsettled last night.  She didn't sleep more than an hour or two without waking up or fussing.

And difficult little 3 year old.  Oh how he is struggling right now.  He is soooo needy and attention seeking.  His behavior quickly turns to seeking negative attention if he isn't getting the positive attention.  This week I have seen the emergence of jealousy towards Kate.  He gets upset when he wants me to do something with him and I'm nursing the baby.  Last night, it followed through into night waking.  He would wake up crying...which woke up his sister.  So I would try and settle her back to sleep to try and give Luke the snuggles he needed.  He would cry and say, "Mommy, hold me."  There's only so much one person can do.  It's so frustrating because if he would just stop crying and waking his sister then I could take care of him right away!

Why won't everyone just sleep!!!!

This morning has been a struggle.  I prayed for a while before I managed to drag myself out of bed(after disengaging the 11 month old that was laying across my chest).  It is SOOOO hard to stay patient when I am that tired and feeling so burned out.  I kept thinking of the quote from Michelle Duggar, "Every "crisis" is an opportunity to practice right response."

Right response...create an atmosphere of peace in my home...Live in the thankful for all my blessings....

I knew it was going to be hard this morning.  And it was!

A grouchy Kate sitting in her high chair munching cheerios while Luke was talking to her started out well.  Until Luke started grabbing all the cheerios off the tray, sticking them in his mouth, then spit them out on the floor.  Grrrr!

The girls were both chatty this morning and I was just so tired and burned out that any words directed towards me or Lukie touching me made me want to crawl out of my skin.  But I tried to be patient and attentive.  I definitely was far from perfect...I give myself a 'C'.

I tried very hard not to lose it when Mike went in the shower before me and switched up our Thurs. am routine.  Since Mike showered first, I had to shower after Jay and the girls left and leave Mike in charge of cranky Kate, and mischievous Luke, and sluggish Pete who was not even close to being ready for school.  I just wanted an escape without having to keep even one ear out for the little ones.  Grrr...again!

I want to feel positive.  I want to feel full of energy.  I want to take care of the kids and meet all their needs.  I want to clean the house and keep up with the (endless) laundry and dishes and look through all my cookbooks and plan the Thanksgiving desserts and the Christmas cookies and Christmas dinner and desserts and finish the rest of my online Christmas shopping....

All I have the energy for is to take a nap.

I definitely need to schedule in some "me time".  My head is so tired from the constant busyness of everyone's schedules and my to-do list and all of Luke and Kate's needs.  I just need time to shed all of the responsibility for just a couple of hours and re-charge....and I need to do it somewhat regularly.  I'm so busy making sure everyone else gets all of their activities in and their needs taken care of that there is never any leftover time for me.  My "time" is stolen moments when Kate and Luke are playing or the 30 minutes I might get at night after Kate and Luke are finally asleep and before one of them starts fussing.  It just isn't cutting it right now.

Why is it so difficult for moms to take time for ourselves.  I feel like I'm always waiting for the perfect opportunity...and even when it happens occasionally I can't seem to motivate myself to get out of the house and the opportunity is lost.

In reality, things really are ok.  I know that despite some unease about the changes in Jay's job(s), God continues to provide for us.  We have our home and our health and somehow, everything else will work itself out.  I'm just a tired momma trying not to look at life through dirty windows.  Sleep deprivation makes you feel like you're swimming in tar!

I know it won't last forever!(even when it feels like it will)

Thankful Thought #15:
I am thankful that I have a husband who will help me to get life to feel balanced again.

Beautiful Thursdays