Thursday, July 26, 2012

Today's Assignment!

The value of our life does not depend on the place we occupy. It depends on the way we occupy that place.
St. Therese of Lisieux

This was the quote of the day from Catholic Digest Daily Moments.  In fact, it was sent to me twice.....I figured that was a sign that I was supposed to really think about it instead of my normal skim and delete.

I'm glad the value of my life isn't dependent on the "place I occupy."  I will never live in an incredible house or have an amazing summer home.  But, I have a home that (mostly) fits my family and we do our best with the time we have to take care of upkeep.  Really, compared to the way much of the world lives, we have an incredible number of blessings!  (Even with a dryer door that still needs duct tape to help hold it shut despite all of Jay's efforts to fix it!)

The real meat and potatoes of that quote is the second part...How do I "occupy that space?"  I wish I could say our home was always a place of peace and respite.  I wish I could say that our time in our home is always used to build each other up and encourage each other on the paths God has given each of us.

That wouldn't be the truth.

Too often, one or more persons in our family are too critical, too impatient, not loving, or struggling with something internally that makes them unsettled and they end up taking their feelings out on the people that love them the most.

Too often that person is me!

I am running on days of broken sleep, due to a baby and toddler that continually stir during the night and now, on top of that, because of fear.  Turns out that our neighbor's house alarm went off at 4:30 am two days ago because someone actually got into their garage and tried to break into their house!  We live in the suburbs in a fairly quiet town.  That break in has definitely triggered a lot of insecurity and fear for me and is now adding to my sleeplessness....and I truly do not need anything else to help me not sleep(Kate and Luke do a great job on their own!)!
Fear is a tough issue for me.  Now that I feel like I've worked through the issue of grief over our kids growing least for the moment!(click here to view that post)...I think I have my work cut out for me with all my fear problems!

To deal with the issue at hand, I'm just not sure how to regain a feeling of safety.  We are making sure all the doors and windows are locked before we go to bed, but there are going to be nights when the windows will need to be open.  I just don't know if I will ever feel safe enough to sleep soundly with windows open ever again.

I'm thinking we should get an alarm system...Jay's talking about a dog.(, honey, been there. Done that!  Not that I don't like dogs...but they are a lot of work and I am cleaning up as much poop as I can possibly handle right now with a baby and a toddler who has no interest in potty training.  I don't have the energy to care for one.more.thing!  Not to mention the dog hair!  We had a nice lab named Ben who died 4 summers ago.  Just when the kids and Jay talked about getting another dog, I found out I was pregnant with the kids got a brother, not a dog!  There's only so much one mom can handle!)

Anyway, I'm rambling...and way off topic!

Goal for today and for the near on making "the place I occupy" a patient, loving, life-giving environment!  That shouldn't take too long.(insert eye roll here!)

Why couldn't I have gotten this quote on a day I wasn't feeling cranky, tired, and impatient!!!