Monday, September 23, 2013

Remembering to Breathe!

Kate is in a difficult phase!  It is apparent that she has a strong-willed personality.  In the last few weeks, she has gone through a big cognitive growth spurt and is talking a ton and understands so much!  With this new found understanding has come the appearance of the 'dreaded temper tantrum'!

When Kate gets it in her head that she wants to do something, it's a real challenge.  It becomes even more challenging when there's something she wants to do but doesn't have enough language to tell us what that 'thing' is.  She is no longer easily distractable.

And, lately, she wants to nurse all.the.time!

Last night, she went to bed at 8:45 then woke up crying at 10:30.  She fell back to sleep but woke up crying at 11:30 and didn't want to nurse or lay in bed.  She wanted to go in the living room!  I tried to just lay in bed with her but she wouldn't stop crying and if she woke up Luke then I would just have 2 kids crying:(  So, I took her in the living room and left all the lights off.  I sat on the couch and she laid on me and eventually dozed off and went back to sleep.

I dozed off, too, until Luke started calling me at 12:30.  Thankfully, Kate stayed asleep when I laid her in bed and Luke just wanted a little snuggle to know he wasn't alone.

Someday I'm going to miss this, right?

This morning, I wanted to go to church.  The school Ellie and Luke go to goes to Monday morning Mass and I like to go because 1. it's always good for me to start off the week in prayer and 2. I get to give Ellie and Luke a quick hug before they head back to school.

Kate and I walked in just before Mass started.  We sat in a pew in the back near the cry room because, realistically, I always end up there.  Kate lasted 5 minutes, and then wanted to walk around.  So, I picked up our things and walked in the cry room.  But, Kate didn't want to be there.  She wanted to walk around somewhere else which obviously wasn't ok to do at the time.  I tried snack distractions...pointing to the colors on the stained glass windows....even an offer to nurse didn't work.  She was just crying and yelling.

So, I left.....because I honestly couldn't hear a thing and she was distracting the back several rows of younger students.  Kate just wouldn't quiet down.:(

I'm finding that transitions are hard for Kate.  She wants to play in the car, not sit in her car seat.  Sometimes I let her play in the car when we get home from somewhere, but I can't always do it!  Even when she does play in the car, she still cries when we go in because she wasn't done.

That whole "one more minute then we go inside" just doesn't really work, yet!

21 months is just a tough age for Kate!

None of my other kids went through the terrible two's.  It was always the 'terrible three's that I had to work through.  I'm thinking that Kate might be forging a new path!

It's just frustrating when kids go through difficult stages.  It makes me feel like a terrible mom when it's my child "acting up" and having a tough time.  It's just me and Kate in the mornings, and instead of being out and about doing things, the possibility of meltdowns makes me wants to just stay home.

There's always an element of fear when my younger kids go through difficult stages.  When you have a child with special needs, behaviors that resemble in any small way those of your special needs' child bring to the surface a post traumatic stress disorder type of fear.  I can go through all the ways Kate is completely "normal" and it still doesn't stop the anxiety from bubbling to the surface, threatening to spill over into all the other areas of my life!

As I write this, I look over at Kate sitting with her snack next to me, contentedly watching Dora and pointing to the screen and responding to Dora's questions....often with the right answer!...and I know she's ok.  This difficult time is just a stage...an opportunity for extra grace and to practice patience.....(Or add more items to my list for confession depending on the moment!)

I just need to remember to breathe...and love...and not freak out...and breathe!

It's going to be ok....

1 comment:

Hafsa said...

I can relate to that PTSD. I'm sorry you're going through the rough stage. I hope things calm down soon and you get some sleep