Monday, January 14, 2013

Dirty Windows

I've been struggling emotionally lately.  While our life with such a big family is always a bit chaotic, lately it has just been extra overwhelming to me.  There are reasons....Kate and Luke have had lots of bad nights lately, our schedules are extra crazy with 4 kids playing basketball and 1 running track right now, and it's there's less sunlight and, with 2 little ones, it's not easy to get out and there's nowhere to go.

I know that things haven't been right for a couple of weeks.  I have had a lot more fear and anxiety for no real reason.  I feel isolated.  I feel like the needs of my family are overwhelming and that there's no way I can meet them all.  I feel like keeping up with the house is like walking up a 'down' escalator.  Then, I feel like all those things I haven't gotten to are mocking me and shout out my incompetence.

I was reading an article by Kate Wicker in Catholic Digest last night on Postpartum Depression.  I was surprised at how many of the symptoms matched the way I was feeling.

I love my kids. I love being a wife and mom.  I just feel so tired and blah lately.  Everyone has so many needs that I don't get much...or time.  Sometimes I am guilty of 'Cinderella Syndrome'.....I feel like I can't take me time(aka..go to the ball) until my ridiculous to-do list is done.  (I have yet to locate the fairy godmother or magical mice and birds to help!)

I know it's just a bump in the road.  I actually have scheduled time to go out on Saturday and go shopping with a friend to buy some new shirts that I have been wanting to get for months!  I will be going out completely kid free.  These few hours away are incredibly long overdue.

Hopefully the time away will help to give me a better perspective.

After all, I have a really great life....I just need to clean my emotionally "dirty windows" to be able to see it better and appreciate it more.