Friday, March 2, 2012
Kate is not interested in letting me get anything done using two hands today! She gives me just enough time to start a task and then needs me again. That makes it tough sitting and nursing her and looking at messes everywhere. I try to keep reminding myself that this season of infancy goes by so fast and that there will always be messes to clean.
It's so hard not to let my feelings of inadequacy rule my emotions. I'm home all day but I can't always get the house clean, or all the laundry washed and folded, or get the grocery shopping and banking done now that I have an infant and a toddler in the house with me all day. It's hard to overlook the chaos it creates around me and still feel calm inside. I want to be a good steward of my home and today is one of those days that I am failing miserably.
My expectations today did not include a grumpy baby. Of course, that's probably my fault since I ate french food at BCC yesterday. It was delicious, but Kate isn't used to it and I don't think it is agreeing with her.
"This too shall pass." This is an opportunity to "die to self"...to put aside my plans for this little one who needs some extra snuggles and nursing. It really isn't that difficult...but I am definitely lacking the inner peace despite my acceptance of how today is going. I guess I still need to work on separating my self worth from my ability to get through my to-do list!