Living in New England always keeps us on our toes in regards to weather. I do love a good snow...especially when it comes so late in the winter and I know it will only stay on the ground briefly! There's something so peaceful about watching it fall and decorate the tree limbs and collect on the ground.
I like the snow even better when my family is all home together and I don't have to worry about them being out on the road. Unfortunately, tonight isn't one of those nights when we can lock the doors and just chill on the couch. But, thankfully, once Mike gets home from school its only Jay who has to go out again and he doesn't have to drive far.
Last night our 3 oldest were hanging out in the family room playing video games together. They were having a lot of fun together. It was so satisfying for me to hear their laughs and (happy) yells as they competed with each other in Wii sports. I was grateful that they were getting along(some of their personalities are like oil and water!). There have been times when I wondered if they would ever be able to tolerate being in the same room with each other...never mind being friends! They were making happy memories and that made me happy! Then, around 10:15, Jay and I spoiled their fun because we were feeling "old and tired" and needed to go to bed!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
A Quote to Ponder
"I will speak ill of no man and speak all the good I know of everybody." — Benjamin Franklin Isn't this a hard thought? It often seems so much easier to focus on the negative! |
Monday, February 27, 2012
A Collective Sigh
Did you hear it this morning sometime between 8 and 9 am? It was the collective sigh of moms seeing their kids off to school! I know I feel a little lighter this morning and my house is a lot quieter! Having a bright, sunny day is definitely a bonus!
Actually, I enjoy having my kids home. It's only Peter who is hard to have home for long periods of time. Right now, between having Peter, an infant and a toddler, family outings are really difficult. (Of course the stomach bug that raced through our house took care of having to worry about outings this past week!) Trying to do something special with the kids as a family is definitely something I want to work on this year. I want to make as many family memories I can with the time I have left with all of the kids at home.
What's been hard is coming to the realization that we really need to start doing some of the family activities without Peter. It's hard taking Peter places because you never know how he will react to things. Plus, he is impulsive and bolts places so you have to hold on to him at all times. You have to keep a close eye on him too because he has this obsession with rubbing people's arms which can cause quite a problem(especially if people don't realize he is autistic right away!).
It's definitely a lot more stressful when we have Peter with us, trying to keep him safe and out of embarrasing situations. It's also hard because we can't pay attention to the other kids as much. And, honestly, unless we are at a zoo, or an aquarium, or Disney World, Peter doesn't really have a good time. He doesn't really enjoy a lot of things. He would rather be home. It makes me feel sad and a little guilty to think of not including him, but I know we need the opportunity to give our other children opportunities for normalcy and our undivided attention. And sometimes Jay and I need a break from Peter so that we can enjoy outings more and have our own positive memories.
Having a definition of "family time" that doesn't truly involve the whole family is definitely a tough change for me and it's sad too. It's a tough reminder of Peter's struggles and highlights that he is very far from a normal functioning 10 year old. There is always a sense of loss and a little bit of grieving for me when that happens.
Just because change is hard doesn't mean it is bad though. It also doesn't mean it's permanent, just best for our family right now. We haven't given up on Peter. He keeps making progress and we are grateful for that! We will continue to work with his teachers and therapists and, most importantly with God through prayer, to help Peter become the person God created him to be. And, really, that's what I want for all my children....to become the people God created them to be!
Actually, I enjoy having my kids home. It's only Peter who is hard to have home for long periods of time. Right now, between having Peter, an infant and a toddler, family outings are really difficult. (Of course the stomach bug that raced through our house took care of having to worry about outings this past week!) Trying to do something special with the kids as a family is definitely something I want to work on this year. I want to make as many family memories I can with the time I have left with all of the kids at home.
What's been hard is coming to the realization that we really need to start doing some of the family activities without Peter. It's hard taking Peter places because you never know how he will react to things. Plus, he is impulsive and bolts places so you have to hold on to him at all times. You have to keep a close eye on him too because he has this obsession with rubbing people's arms which can cause quite a problem(especially if people don't realize he is autistic right away!).
It's definitely a lot more stressful when we have Peter with us, trying to keep him safe and out of embarrasing situations. It's also hard because we can't pay attention to the other kids as much. And, honestly, unless we are at a zoo, or an aquarium, or Disney World, Peter doesn't really have a good time. He doesn't really enjoy a lot of things. He would rather be home. It makes me feel sad and a little guilty to think of not including him, but I know we need the opportunity to give our other children opportunities for normalcy and our undivided attention. And sometimes Jay and I need a break from Peter so that we can enjoy outings more and have our own positive memories.
Having a definition of "family time" that doesn't truly involve the whole family is definitely a tough change for me and it's sad too. It's a tough reminder of Peter's struggles and highlights that he is very far from a normal functioning 10 year old. There is always a sense of loss and a little bit of grieving for me when that happens.
Just because change is hard doesn't mean it is bad though. It also doesn't mean it's permanent, just best for our family right now. We haven't given up on Peter. He keeps making progress and we are grateful for that! We will continue to work with his teachers and therapists and, most importantly with God through prayer, to help Peter become the person God created him to be. And, really, that's what I want for all my children....to become the people God created them to be!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
More Living in the Moment
We made it through vacation week! One more day and back to our normal schedules! I'm looking forward to our regular routines...and a break from cartoons!
Jonathan turned 16 yesterday and I can't believe that I have 3 sons that will be driving! The driving milestone is definitely my least favorite of all the developmental milestones so far! There's just so much worry involved...and now it will be times three! It is exciting to see them growing up and becoming their own person...seeing the paths that God is leading them on. It seems like just yesterday that they were all little and making up zoo games in their room together. Now they sit around watching the GOP debates and ESPN.
I think I am more grateful for their presence right now because I know it won't be too long until that changes. Between work, school, and sports, most days they aren't home all that much as it is. I guess it's good training in letting go....but I am not looking forward to when we are no longer together for at least a few minutes each day. Knowing that change is coming I am really trying to hold on to the little memories and time we do have together. It is very good practice for living in the moment....
Jonathan turned 16 yesterday and I can't believe that I have 3 sons that will be driving! The driving milestone is definitely my least favorite of all the developmental milestones so far! There's just so much worry involved...and now it will be times three! It is exciting to see them growing up and becoming their own person...seeing the paths that God is leading them on. It seems like just yesterday that they were all little and making up zoo games in their room together. Now they sit around watching the GOP debates and ESPN.
I think I am more grateful for their presence right now because I know it won't be too long until that changes. Between work, school, and sports, most days they aren't home all that much as it is. I guess it's good training in letting go....but I am not looking forward to when we are no longer together for at least a few minutes each day. Knowing that change is coming I am really trying to hold on to the little memories and time we do have together. It is very good practice for living in the moment....
Friday, February 24, 2012
A Quote to Ponder...
"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." Anne Bradstreet |
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Looking For Hope...And A Good Night's Sleep!
It is Day 5 of vacation and I am officially "done". After days of vomit and sleep deprivation, I have finally hit a wall. I am grateful no one has been sick for 48 hours, but Luke slept lousy last night and when I was sleeping I had nightmares. I have had too many nights of bad sleep in a row and am feeling very burned out. Thankfully, I was having some moms over to talk about The Happiness Project today, which kept me from wallowing in self-pity and yelling at my kids all day!
Being with them made me think about how important hope is and how God's timing is definitely not necessarily always when I think things would be best. And what's good is that seeing how God is working in my friends' lives....especially in the answers to their struggles and hardships...uplifts me and encourages me even when the changes don't have anything to do with me. It makes me feel hopeful that God will continue to do good things in my life and that He has special "surprises" and gifts for me and for my family. You know that feeling you get when you just know without a doubt that the way something works out can only be from God and you just feel so grateful and close to Him when that happens? I definitely love the warm, fuzzy feelings that brings me to feel that God is close and fills my heart in that moment. It re-focuses me and gives me strength to get through the everyday struggles and difficulties that life throws at me during which I usually don't "feel" God but choose to remember and believe that He is there and taking care of me.
I'm hoping that His plans for me tonight include a good night sleep!!!
Being with them made me think about how important hope is and how God's timing is definitely not necessarily always when I think things would be best. And what's good is that seeing how God is working in my friends' lives....especially in the answers to their struggles and hardships...uplifts me and encourages me even when the changes don't have anything to do with me. It makes me feel hopeful that God will continue to do good things in my life and that He has special "surprises" and gifts for me and for my family. You know that feeling you get when you just know without a doubt that the way something works out can only be from God and you just feel so grateful and close to Him when that happens? I definitely love the warm, fuzzy feelings that brings me to feel that God is close and fills my heart in that moment. It re-focuses me and gives me strength to get through the everyday struggles and difficulties that life throws at me during which I usually don't "feel" God but choose to remember and believe that He is there and taking care of me.
I'm hoping that His plans for me tonight include a good night sleep!!!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Focus
Today has a touch of spring in it...I am so excited to see the sunshine and feel that(slightly) warmer air! Last night we were watching tv and a commercial came on showing women walking on a cruise ship in the sunshine with summer dresses on. Looking at it made me feel cold...it has gotten to that time of year when I forget what warm sunshine feels like! Today's weather isn't quite there yet, but it's still a nice, sunny day!
I think it's also so nice because I have not gotten thrown up on or had to change any sheets in over 24 hours!!! I feel like we are finally heading in the right direction! I am very thankful for that.
Lent starts today.(Although honestly I think it started on Saturday night for me!) I took the kids to Mass this morning. It's always a challenge to bring Peter to Mass without Jay. We ended up sitting in front of people I didn't recognize, which always makes me feel more stressed because Peter is distracting at times...like sitting or standing randomly and making the occassional strange, loud noises, or perseverating on the same questions in a voice that is too loud.(Questions like "First church, then home."(20 times or more).
It's hard to ignore that inner fear that gnaws at you, making you feel that people are making judgements about your child and your ability as a parent. Of course, those feelings are compounded by my 2 year wiggling through the Mass and NO ability to whisper, and that we have such a large family. Sometimes having such a big family definitely makes me more self-conscious and that people are thinking I shouldn't have so many kids when I can't keep control and order. Sometimes I feel like we are a detriment for the "Being Open to Life" teaching of the Church...that people look at our family and think in fear.."We might end up like them!"
Of course no one signed up our family to be the poster child for Church teaching!(Thank God!) My focus is the problem...I need to do the best job that I can do being patient and loving with the kids God has blessed me with, not worry about what other people are thinking of me! Plus, when I worry what other people are thinking, I find I am less patient and less kind to them and more irritated about their faults! Then I just end up angry and frustrated and yelling at everyone on the way home! If you are asking yourself if that happened today...well...unfortunately, yes, it did. I did apologize very soon after it happened...but if I hadn't let my insecurity rev up my emotions I wouldn't have yelled in the first place!
If I can be thankful for how far Peter has come(it used to be so much worse!), and thankful Luke is just acting like most normally developing 2 year old, and just be grateful for being in the presence of God and the grace He gives me, then I will leave Mass with the peace I crave and the patience to love and care for my family! God knows the struggles Peter has, and He knows we are trying our best to work on those struggles. We just need to not worry about what other people are or are not thinking, and focus on loving our children where they are at and cooperating with God to help them become the people He made them to be!
I think it's also so nice because I have not gotten thrown up on or had to change any sheets in over 24 hours!!! I feel like we are finally heading in the right direction! I am very thankful for that.
Lent starts today.(Although honestly I think it started on Saturday night for me!) I took the kids to Mass this morning. It's always a challenge to bring Peter to Mass without Jay. We ended up sitting in front of people I didn't recognize, which always makes me feel more stressed because Peter is distracting at times...like sitting or standing randomly and making the occassional strange, loud noises, or perseverating on the same questions in a voice that is too loud.(Questions like "First church, then home."(20 times or more).
It's hard to ignore that inner fear that gnaws at you, making you feel that people are making judgements about your child and your ability as a parent. Of course, those feelings are compounded by my 2 year wiggling through the Mass and NO ability to whisper, and that we have such a large family. Sometimes having such a big family definitely makes me more self-conscious and that people are thinking I shouldn't have so many kids when I can't keep control and order. Sometimes I feel like we are a detriment for the "Being Open to Life" teaching of the Church...that people look at our family and think in fear.."We might end up like them!"
Of course no one signed up our family to be the poster child for Church teaching!(Thank God!) My focus is the problem...I need to do the best job that I can do being patient and loving with the kids God has blessed me with, not worry about what other people are thinking of me! Plus, when I worry what other people are thinking, I find I am less patient and less kind to them and more irritated about their faults! Then I just end up angry and frustrated and yelling at everyone on the way home! If you are asking yourself if that happened today...well...unfortunately, yes, it did. I did apologize very soon after it happened...but if I hadn't let my insecurity rev up my emotions I wouldn't have yelled in the first place!
If I can be thankful for how far Peter has come(it used to be so much worse!), and thankful Luke is just acting like most normally developing 2 year old, and just be grateful for being in the presence of God and the grace He gives me, then I will leave Mass with the peace I crave and the patience to love and care for my family! God knows the struggles Peter has, and He knows we are trying our best to work on those struggles. We just need to not worry about what other people are or are not thinking, and focus on loving our children where they are at and cooperating with God to help them become the people He made them to be!
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