Simple But Special

It's been such a crazy week so far.  It is so nice having a "normal" routine today.  Of course, it is Halloween, so the schedule isn't completely normal!

I have to say that I am feeling emotionally discombobulated.(I really like that word!)  Things seem to have been on fast forward lately.  It's challenging having a toddler and an infant at home and trying to get anything done.  It's difficult doing the college visits and knowing that a big change is coming soon.( x 2 since both Andrew and Mike are doing the college search).  It's been so busy with soccer and cross country schedules...which are winding down thankfully.....but just as basketball season begins.(That's our true busy season with 4 kids that play..and Andrew runs Track!  Ugh...gives me some anxiety just thinking about it!)

We are sliding into the holiday season, which I love.  But, I struggle between finding a balance between trying to make things special and trying to do too much.  And there is the whole "staying on a budget" issue.  That's a tough one for me.  Each year I've gotten a little better, but I have to make a conscious effort to just.stop.buying.  Again, I want each of my kids to feel special.  I want the gifts to make them feel loved.  It's so much harder as they get older.  I'm blessed that our kids aren't materialistic.  (So are they because they would be sorely disappointed...lol).  Mostly, they don't really ask for anything specific.   They say to surprise them, which is so much harder than it sounds.

(Although Jon asked for toys this year!  He's feeling nostalgic and missing the Christmas excitement of his pre-teen years.)

I always wrestle with the desire to be simple...a couple special gifts and a fun stocking(all shopped for before Advent even starts so I can focus on and encourage the spiritual side of Christmas) vs. feeling like it's all "enough".  Inevitably, it's much easier to shop for certain kids...especially the girls and the little ones...and I worry that I didn't get enough "special" for the kids that I don't have the best ideas for.

Simple but Special is a great motto!...and one I really want to commit to this year!

It's easy to get caught up in the commercialization of it all.  Shopping online or in stores brings products in front of my eyes I never would have seen otherwise...so many of them "cute" or "something so-and-so would  love".  I'm always tempted for that "one more little thing"....which leads to guilt if it's too many "one more little things" when the bill comes in!  I would really like to avoid that this year.

There are signs in my life that things need to change.  My desire to lose weight vs my lack of healthy choices and not making the effort to make the time to exercise.  That has got to change...but I have to commit to changing it for more than a few days!  Jay's stress levels have increased with the changes in his job due to changes in Medicare and are not good.  I know that needs to change....and the only way it can is to re-vamp some of our budgeting.  God provides...we just need to make very good choices with what is given to us if we will be able to keep all the kids in the Catholic schools that we feel God has chosen for them to be at.  Some sacrifices are challenging, but worth it.

We also need to continue with the efforts to organize our home.  We're off to a good start, but we certainly have a ways to go!

Thankfully, each day is a new day.  But, I need to have more of a plan and a goal for all the areas of concern in my life.  Otherwise, each week passes by without change and just adds stress and discouragement.

Prayer, a plan, goals, prayer, focus, prayer....that's where I'm headed.  I'm honestly looking forward to the structure..and to the inner peace that always comes from putting God first and letting Him lead!

Let There Be Light

It's been a long 24 hours of no power!  It just came back on a very short time ago...and it was welcomed by our whole house!

I have to say that yesterday, I really did ok with the lack of power.  I kept my outlook positive and tried to focus on the little things.  We got things to work as best they could.

Seeing the older boys pull out the big bins of Legos and all creating together, (except Mike who never really did get into Legos), was pretty heartwarming.  How often do you see teenagers, elementary school kids and a toddler all enjoying something together?(and with minimal fighting!)

Dinner was a bit of a challenge, but we grilled bbq chicken and I made a salad.  Eating by candlelight with all the kids is definitely not romantic(or all that much fun) and included lots of warnings to not blow out the candles(Luke and Peter) and to not lean over the flame and set their hair on fire.(Sarah and Ellie).

My parents had an extra small generator that we were able to hook our fridge up to so we didn't lose the food.  We went over to their house after supper to watch a movie..which was great.  Otherwise it would have been a really long night for the little ones!

Bath time by flash light was interesting.  Luke and I had fun making shadow puppets on the shower walls.

The time without power wasn't all bad.  We even had a built in night light from the very full moon outside our windows once the showers passed.

I have to say, though, that waking up to no power again this morning made it much harder to stay positive.  All of the kids' schools cancelled again.  Some of them were grumpy about the lack of power, too.  The morning seemed to drag. Kids were starting to get on each others' nerves.  I was feeling overwhelmed.

It wasn't horrible, but I'm definitely glad our time without power has ended!  I would have made a terrible pioneer!

A Rather Blustery Day

We have quite the windy Monday here.  The gusts are definitely picking up this afternoon...only to get worse as the evening progresses.  We lost power for a couple of hours due to a tree taking out some wires up the road for us.  Thankfully, it was fixed and, at least for now, we are able to use all our electronic devices.

So far the kids are being good sports.  The initial joy of having an extra day off started to fade a little.  For the most part, everyone is still happy and not driving each other crazy.(Yet!)

Who would have thought that the end of October would include a hurricane!  So crazy!

I will be glad when Jay arrives home shortly.  He was stubborn and insisted on working for a while.  Mike had to work at his local hardware store job, too, but he should be home soon as well.

This is another Living in the Moment moment....not easy to have everyone home and stuck inside, especially without power, but it's the moment that I'm living.  I'm trying to make the most of it.  For today, there are low expectation and lots of little prayers for protection for my family and my neighbors and everyone that will be touched by Hurricane Sandy.  Things could be so much worse.

And, like Andrew said, if the power goes out again we will have to make the sacrifice and make sure the ice cream doesn't go to waste!

Sunday Bliss

I love, love, love, lazy fall afternoons.  Hubby is getting in a much deserved nap, baby is sleeping, Peter's playing at my dad's house, the football game is on, we've had some yummy game time food (quesadillas, taco dip, cupcakes Sarah made herself from scratch, and later on, some homemade apple crisp), and we're all together.

Momentary bliss!

Definitely enjoying this moment!

I hope you are having a rejuvenating Sunday, too!  I'm so grateful God gave us a day to rest!

The Joys of Teenagers

Okay, everyone!  It's Friday(hooray:)!  And another full day for me...but, in reality, what day isn't?

I'm joining in with 5 Minute Friday again!  Today's word is:

Voice

Talking to teenagers/young adults is a true challenge.  They are growing up and ready to start stepping out and making some of their own decisions and taking on more responsibility.  But they don't always have the best judgement.  When you try to help them correct their judgement, it seems to turn into a battle of wills and "You don't trust me" type comments.  Sometimes, for both parents and teens, it's so hard to truly "hear" what's being said!

We had a recent encounter over an issue that we felt was unsafe but Mike's opinion differed.  There was quite a bit of strife over it all.

One of the biggest struggles was how to use our voice in a way that would help him to understand where we were coming from and not just turn into a yelling match that had the possibility of developing family riffs!

In the end, Jay's calmness and honesty was able to break through Mike's previous porcupine demeanor.  It was a moment of grace from prayer and the Holy Spirit!  Previous exchanges about the subject always ended with hurt feelings and frustration for all of us.

It is hard to find the line between when to stand firm on what we think about a given situation and when it's time to give in and compromise as kids become young adults.  Definitely one of those difficult parenting moments for sure!

One Moment at a Time

Thank-you to everyone's congratulations on our special anniversary yesterday!  If you missed my post to my husband on our 20th anniversary, just click here!  I am still working on wrapping my head around 20 years of marriage....I think it might take me most of this year !:)

There are so many ups and downs in life.  We have friends that are struggling financially and with job issues and with teenage issues.  We have a couple of bumpy patches ourselves right now....trying to be consistent with a difficult three year old, a child struggling with his faith and praying like crazy to figure out what we are supposed to "do" to help, and we need to have Jon looked over because his heart occasionally starts racing for no reason.  Sometimes it's just so hard being a mom!

Strangely, despite my heavy heart today, there is an underlying peace.  I guess that Jay said it best today, "These are opportunities for us to grow in trust."  That's definitely true.  Somehow, He always works things out, even when I can't see the next step clearly.

I'm trying to live in the moment today and take care of my family and trying to give everyone what they need.  Week 4 of the Fall Challenge I have been trying to do is to spend more time with my family...truly focusing on their individual needs.  With the number of individuals in this house, that is definitely a challenge.  Even though I am no where near doing it perfectly, I'm trying to be more present to each of them as the opportunity presents itself.  For instance, giving eye contact and really listening when they are talking, taking time to play with Luke throughout the day when he asks, snuggles with Kate.  I'm also trying to listen(and respond) to God's quiet, inner promptings to go the extra step and plan things if he puts it on my heart.  I need to fit in a trip to the mall to get Ellie some Halloween earrings...she got them pierced in September and is ready to take out the studs.  Plus, it will give us some 1:1 time which is definitely overdue.  She's also got a project due next week that I need to help her plan.

Sounds easy...but it isn't when I have to work around the school Halloween party Friday night which Sarah, as an 8th grader, has done all the planning for so it's an important event for her.(and the 8th grade parents have to help at...still not really sure how I'm going to manage that one between Jay's work schedule, needing to watch Luke and Kate at the party, Jon having an away soccer game, and Andrew being the mascot at the Homecoming football game.)  And a Saturday which will be completely full between a college open house with Andrew in the morning and early afternoon, a birthday party for Ellen's friend in the afternoon,  and Homecoming Dances for Jon and Andrew at night...at two different schools!  Andrew is attending the dance at his girlfriend's school an hour a way!

Why is everything always on the same night!!!

Busy...but all good things!  Lots of opportunities to fill the emotional tanks of my kids with love!  It's definitely an opportunity to Live in the Moment through the eyes of faith and enjoy each aspect of real life with our children at all the different stages they are at!  We will get there...one moment at a time.

^" Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And rely not on your own understanding:

 In all your ways acknowledge him, And he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-7

Twenty Years in the Blink of an Eye!

Today is my 20th Wedding Anniversary!!!  I have no idea how twenty years(!) could possibly have gone by!  The dates don't lie, though, so 20 years it is!  Amazing....

Jay and I officially met in high school, but our lives crossed paths many times before then.  We were born 8 days apart in the same hospital.  We both grew up in the same town, but he went to the town's public school and I went to the Catholic school.  Our families both belonged to the same parish, so we made our First Communions and Confirmations together.  In fact, we were both chosen to read at our Confirmation...which is kind of a funny coincidence.

In high school, we sat next to each other in English class since both our last names started with "H".  Jay was rather quiet...and me, well, not so much!  I teased him a lot!

We both ended up being members of the swim team at our high school and at the local Y.  Jay also ended up being best friends with one of my best guy friends from elementary school.  We spent a lot of time together and dated through most of high school starting the summer before sophomore year.(With only two brief "intermissions", we were together that whole time.)

We ended up getting married sooner than we thought we would.  Although those first few years were a little crazy between college, 3 babies, and grad school for Jay, we grew and changed along the way....then had a few more babies and grew and changed along the way...then had a couple more babies and are continuing to grow and change.  We blinked, and somehow 20 year went by!

In honor of our anniversary, I'd like to dedicate this special post to my husband.....

My Top Twenty for our Twentieth!

#20:  Jay works incredibly hard for our family.

Even though being a husband and father began sooner than expected, Jay has always worked incredibly hard to take care of us.  When he was in college, he was incredibly focused knowing that his grades and ability to get into grad school meant everything if he was going to be able to provide for his family.  He had his sights set on being a physical therapist, which was an incredibly difficult program to get in to.  Jay worked so hard that he got into all three programs that he applied to!  Then he spent two and a half years commuting to Boston and working his butt off in order to finish his degree.  All his spare time was spent with me and our three little boys.  He graduated into a field that had just been decimated by Medicare changes, but, God provided.  Jay received a full time job offer the day after I found out I was pregnant with Sarah!  And he still works incredibly hard with both a full time and a per diem job to take care of all of us!

#19:  Jay is incredibly faithful.

Jay has always remained right by my side during all the highs and lows of the last 20 years.  I don't have any specific statistics, but my guess is that we are in the minority of marriages that survived getting married and having a child(and then children) so young, going through the tragedy of losing a child, and then having a child diagnosed with moderate to severe autism.  There were also a couple of years that I suffered through pretty severe depression...and Jay not only did his part, but also picked up most of mine!  We carried quite a few crosses over these 20 years...through God's grace, we've always made it through together.

#18:  Jay is incredibly faith-filled.

Jay's faith has always been so much stronger than my own.  I'm embarrassed about it now, but when we were first married, I would often tease him about his prayer life.  Thankfully, God clunked me over the head before too long, so faith has been another walk that we have done together over (most of) these 20 years!

#17:  Jay is an incredible father.

Jay is a great father...and a great daddy!  He loves each of his children immensely.  He has spent countless hours over the years playing on the floor with little ones, playing pretend with toddlers, playing games with school age children, coaching, teaching them sports, working on projects, rearranging his work schedule to go to all the teenagers' home games and many of their away games, dropping everything when kids or teens need to talk, etc., etc.  He is a true 'daddy' and his relationships with each of his kids reflects that...even during the messy teen moments that occur occasionally!

#16:  Jay is incredibly patient.

Jay is so much more patient when it comes to the kids...or even just life in general.  That's not to say that he never loses his temper...but it doesn't happen very often.

#15:  Jay does the dishes.

'nuff said!

#14:  Jay cleans the bathroom.
When we got married, there were two things that were very important to me.  First, that we would eat dinner together as a family almost every night.  And second, that Jay would clean the toilet.  I grew up in a home where my dad cleaned the toilets.  For whatever reasons, cleaning toilets really gross me out.(But I have cleaned them occasionally)    And, to be truthful, the boys spend way more time using the toilet than the girls.  Plus, boys don't always have good aim...so it seems only fair that they clean it.  But I appreciate it!

#13:  Jay has a great hobby.
Jay has a great hobby that he doesn't get to do nearly as often as he would like to.  Jay does woodworking.  He uses his math skills that he inherits from his dad to re-create pieces of furniture that I find(but can't afford) and then makes them for a fraction of the cost(and out of better wood!).  So far, Jay has made 2 bunk beds, a bureau, a sideboard, a kitchen table, an island, a bookshelf, small cabinets, large(massive) cabinets, our bathroom vanity, and is currently planning our new kitchen.  The new kitchen will probably be a 5 year plan, but it's exciting nonetheless!

#12:  Jay lets me indulge in my love for shopping without complaint.
Occasionally he may raise an eyebrow, but he is very generous when it comes to getting things for the kids...and for me.  I really try to stay out of stores because it usually doesn't end well.  I have gotten better at only getting what everyone needs.  (Except maybe when I shop for Kate at Gymboree!  But I've been doing better with that...well, mostly!)  Yesterday we walked around at some outlet stores on the way home, and I stopped when the money was out!  I got a few tops for me and then we went into the Stride Rite Outlet store.  Kate needed a pair of 'first walker' shoes.  I found a cute little pair that Kate grabbed immediately and got all excited over.  Jay doesn't think that bodes well for the future.  He even indulged my find of a pair of super cute boots for Kate.  (It was buy one, get one 50% off after all!)

#11:  Jay is willing to watch sappy chick flicks just to make me happy.
Jay's favorite movies are filled with action and danger.  Not me.  I am a happy ending with everyone's body parts intact kind of gal.  I have a lot of natural fear and anxiety so stressful movies give me nightmares!  While we don't really get a chance to watch that many movies together, they are often of the romantic comedy kind.  What is Jay's most heroic sacrifice re: movies over these 20 years?  When I was very pregnant with Peter, and struggling with depression, Jay went out and bought the 6 episode BBC film Pride and Prejudice...plus Sense and Sensibility and Emma.(And watched them with me multiple times!)

#'s 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, & 2:
I hope that no one considers this cheating, but our children are definitely the greatest fruit of our marriage.  While both of us always said we wanted a big family, sometimes we are truly shocked that God has entrusted us with all of these blessings.  Our sons, and all of our daughters, have shaped us in ways only children can!

(The group pics of the girls and boys were taken by Deanna DiMarzio of DiMarzio Photography.  She has done a fabulous job of capturing our family over the past couple of years!)



Drum roll, please....................

#1:  I am truly married to my best friend.

I can't imagine my life without him.  He (truly) completes me. 

Happy Anniversary, Jay!  I'm glad we are on this crazy ride called life together!  I wouldn't want it any other way!