Monday, August 24, 2015

On Borrowed Time

I know the end of summer is trying for lots of moms. One of the best things about summer is that everything slows down and there's less of a set schedule.  By the end of summer, that lack of schedule and routine starts to get to everyone I think!

While I miss having a more set routine, I actually love having my kids around me. (OK...honest moment.  I love having all my kids home except Peter!  Peter is hard and I have a whole other post in my head about vacation time with special needs kids! Extended periods of time with Peter 24/7 is challenging.  I love him...but he burns me out.....)

For the rest of my kids....I love the opportunities that summer holds for long, lazy days of swimming and playing and spending time with them.  As summer draws to an end and a new school year is upon us it makes me cringe a little because, by the time summer time rolls around once again, all of my kids will be a year older and everything will change once again! And even though it seems as if each moment will last for ever, it truly doesn't! I have personal experience with that one since we have a college graduate who has recently moved out on his own!!!

This year in particular is a hard one for me.  Luke is going to full day kindergarten.  My baby boy is growing up and I know all too well how fast this next year will go by!  I know I'm on borrowed time!  The little boy, (that slept for the first time in his very own room on the TOP bunk all night long), came into my room this morning so proud of his independence and in the next breath asked me to snuggle.....that little boy is growing up! I'm on borrowed time! I'm still the center of Luke's life but it won't be like that forever.  I'm on borrowed time! I love the relationships that I have with my older sons, but there is no snuggling involved and I'm definitely not the center of their world anymore! (Nor would I want to be bc that would just be unhealthy and weird!) But I still miss the little boys they were!

Since I've had the experience of raising older children, I have appreciated the time I have with my littles so much more!  But it's still going by!

One of the books on Luke's Kindergarten reading list was The Kissing Hand.  We read it last night...and I was holding in tears by the end! It's hard to let your baby grow up!

Seven years ago, I sent Ellie to Kindergarten! She was the baby of our family(at the time) and was our sixth child to enter school.  I had no idea what to do with myself.  Being a stay at home mom with little children had defined my every waking moment for 15 years at that point in my life and in that one moment everything had changed and I felt SO lost!  I started working part time for my parents but I felt like I had no purpose. (I seems melodramatic but it was a huge life change and it was how I felt!) It got better over time. Between late August and early December, I went from feeling like I had no purpose and was just waiting to die to finding a rhythm I enjoyed that included getting to talk to grown-ups in my job, having a little free time to myself to shop and clean, and volunteering at school.

Then, just when I adjusted to my "new" life....I found out I was pregnant with Luke!  God totally has a sense of humor!

Next year, Kate will go to half day pre-school! Knowing this is my last year with her home with me full time is VERY bittersweet!  I'm close to entering another moment in life that will re-define me! I'm on borrowed time! It's really not easy. (Not to mention that next year, Andrew will be a senior in college, Sarah will be a senior in high school and Ellie will be an 8th grader!!!! I'm SO going to need some Valium!)

It's exciting...and it's all good things.  But change is hard!

(And I'm going to miss this little guy!)