Jay's week of vaca is now over:(...back to reality for several weeks.(He took off another week in August).
I spent the morning doing errands with Andrew and Kate since Andrew and Jon will be away all week at a retreat. I knew if I didn't get it accomplished this morning when the older boys were still home it wouldn't get done this week. It was nice to get a few things crossed off the list.
I'm still trying to get into a summer routine...and still failing at it! Isn't it ridiculous how hard it is to carve out 4 half hour slots a week for yourself!?! I still want to exercise 3 times a week for 30 minutes...and I need that undisturbed, by myself, half hour of prayer time! Hopefully this week will be the one I can reach those goals!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Trying to Make the Pieces Fit
I still haven't gotten that quiet time I've been hoping for. I thought it would happen today but Jay is under the weather. It was another one of those days when I was on plan D by breakfast...and breakfast was a yogurt I inhaled before running out for the 3rd "taxi drive" of the day(and it wasn't even 9:15 yet!).
I was able to go visit my grandmother today. She had fallen a month ago and broke her hip. I haven't gotten a chance to see her so I am glad I finally had an opportunity today. I took Ellie, Luke and Kate with me. She enjoyed seeing how much Kate has grown since she last saw her in mid-May. Luke was all over the place but it was still a nice visit.
I am re-committing to seeing my grandmother once a month. Not seeing her is a source of guilt in my life. She doesn't live very far away...only 40 minutes. It's just far enough away that it takes planning to head over. She lives in senior housing...which is very tiny...so bringing all the kids is out of the question. (And bringing Peter is really no visit at all.)
Like I said, just need to plan it and put it on the calendar...amidst all the other chaos....but this is important.
Sometimes I feel like life is a constant game of Tetris....every piece(life event) coming at us needs to be fit into our lives just right so that we don't get that backload of "pieces" that leads to a game over...or in real life, to an emotional meltdown!
I was able to go visit my grandmother today. She had fallen a month ago and broke her hip. I haven't gotten a chance to see her so I am glad I finally had an opportunity today. I took Ellie, Luke and Kate with me. She enjoyed seeing how much Kate has grown since she last saw her in mid-May. Luke was all over the place but it was still a nice visit.
I am re-committing to seeing my grandmother once a month. Not seeing her is a source of guilt in my life. She doesn't live very far away...only 40 minutes. It's just far enough away that it takes planning to head over. She lives in senior housing...which is very tiny...so bringing all the kids is out of the question. (And bringing Peter is really no visit at all.)
Like I said, just need to plan it and put it on the calendar...amidst all the other chaos....but this is important.
Sometimes I feel like life is a constant game of Tetris....every piece(life event) coming at us needs to be fit into our lives just right so that we don't get that backload of "pieces" that leads to a game over...or in real life, to an emotional meltdown!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Peace Wanted!
Do you ever just feel like you are juggling way too much?
I just want to do a good job with all the responsibilities God has blessed me with.
I am definitely going to work on getting some prayer time in today....I could use a peace that's greater than I can make....and some direction!
I'll let you know how it goes! Hope you find some peace today too! :)
I just want to do a good job with all the responsibilities God has blessed me with.
I am definitely going to work on getting some prayer time in today....I could use a peace that's greater than I can make....and some direction!
I'll let you know how it goes! Hope you find some peace today too! :)
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
The Gift of Life
This year Independence Day will hold a dual meaning for me. It will be the obvious celebration of being grateful for the country we live in and the men and the women who have served and continue to serve, and especially those that gave their life, so that we can continue to have this freedom.
In my heart, Independence Day will also be a day of thanksgiving for me because one year ago, Jay almost died. In one brief instant, life as I know it was held together with, what felt like, the thinnest thread. Everything could have changed....but it didn't. And I thank God every day for it.
Last year on Independence Day, Jay collapsed at the end of a 10K when his body temperature rose above 107 degrees. I didn't see it happen. The nurse in the medical tent used his cell phone to call me. By the time I got there, he was laying in an ice bath but gazing past me not responding to anything. It was the scariest.moment.of.my.life.
He started seizing on the way to the ambulance. I had to sit up front with the driver...praying the whole 15 minutes to the hospital. Trying to push away the fears that he would be in that non-responsive state forever. That he would not be able to be present to his children. That he would never know the baby that was growing inside of me.
As we pulled up to the hospital, Jay started to speak coherently...actually he was yelling for me. He couldn't hear me from the front of the ambulance...which was so frustrating. As it stopped, I jumped out and ran to the back. When they opened the doors Jay saw me and got this goofy(completely medicated looking) grin on his face. He said later, when he had completely come out of the fog, that he was smiling because he wanted me to know everything was going to be all right...even though he couldn't find the words yet to say it.
After about an hour, Jay was completely coherent. He got extremely sick from all the meds they had given him and he was extremely sore from the seizures. He spent two nights in the hospital. At first the doctors were worried that he could have damaged his kidneys or his liver permanently. Thankfully, his kidney function and liver function returned to normal levels over the next month or two.
The ER doctor told us that if the medical staff at the race had not gotten Jay into the ice bath, he would have had permanent kidney and liver damage or if his temperature rose half a degree higher he would not have made it at all.
It took a few weeks for Jay to start feeling better. He was in a lot of pain. Since his liver and kidneys were still healing he couldn't take any pain medication. He was in the hospital for two nights, out of work for a week, and it took two more weeks to start working his normal schedule. It took a few weeks for his kidney function to go back to normal. It took a few months for his liver function to go back to normal.
In an instant, our lives could have been devastated and changed forever.
Such a scary thought. Something so scary made me feel incredibly vulnerable. I was strong for Jay and the kids that first day. Early the next morning, at 3am, I woke up and just started sobbing. I cried for two hours trying to wrap my head around how something that was supposed to just be for fun could have ended so horribly. Then I felt angry....angry that we had to go through this...angry that I almost lost him. It took quite a few months to process through the emotions of what happened that day.
In some ways Jay is still processing through it....it's tough to forgive yourself sometimes.(But I know God is working on him:)
This year on Independence Day we will be celebrating the gift of freedom...
......and we will be celebrating the gift of life!
In my heart, Independence Day will also be a day of thanksgiving for me because one year ago, Jay almost died. In one brief instant, life as I know it was held together with, what felt like, the thinnest thread. Everything could have changed....but it didn't. And I thank God every day for it.
Last year on Independence Day, Jay collapsed at the end of a 10K when his body temperature rose above 107 degrees. I didn't see it happen. The nurse in the medical tent used his cell phone to call me. By the time I got there, he was laying in an ice bath but gazing past me not responding to anything. It was the scariest.moment.of.my.life.
He started seizing on the way to the ambulance. I had to sit up front with the driver...praying the whole 15 minutes to the hospital. Trying to push away the fears that he would be in that non-responsive state forever. That he would not be able to be present to his children. That he would never know the baby that was growing inside of me.
As we pulled up to the hospital, Jay started to speak coherently...actually he was yelling for me. He couldn't hear me from the front of the ambulance...which was so frustrating. As it stopped, I jumped out and ran to the back. When they opened the doors Jay saw me and got this goofy(completely medicated looking) grin on his face. He said later, when he had completely come out of the fog, that he was smiling because he wanted me to know everything was going to be all right...even though he couldn't find the words yet to say it.
After about an hour, Jay was completely coherent. He got extremely sick from all the meds they had given him and he was extremely sore from the seizures. He spent two nights in the hospital. At first the doctors were worried that he could have damaged his kidneys or his liver permanently. Thankfully, his kidney function and liver function returned to normal levels over the next month or two.
The ER doctor told us that if the medical staff at the race had not gotten Jay into the ice bath, he would have had permanent kidney and liver damage or if his temperature rose half a degree higher he would not have made it at all.
It took a few weeks for Jay to start feeling better. He was in a lot of pain. Since his liver and kidneys were still healing he couldn't take any pain medication. He was in the hospital for two nights, out of work for a week, and it took two more weeks to start working his normal schedule. It took a few weeks for his kidney function to go back to normal. It took a few months for his liver function to go back to normal.
In an instant, our lives could have been devastated and changed forever.
Such a scary thought. Something so scary made me feel incredibly vulnerable. I was strong for Jay and the kids that first day. Early the next morning, at 3am, I woke up and just started sobbing. I cried for two hours trying to wrap my head around how something that was supposed to just be for fun could have ended so horribly. Then I felt angry....angry that we had to go through this...angry that I almost lost him. It took quite a few months to process through the emotions of what happened that day.
In some ways Jay is still processing through it....it's tough to forgive yourself sometimes.(But I know God is working on him:)
This year on Independence Day we will be celebrating the gift of freedom...
......and we will be celebrating the gift of life!
Frazzled
My post from earlier today was a cop-out. It's easy to write about Kate because she brings such joy amidst all the chaos.
I am feeling frazzled. I feel like I am drowning in clutter that I will never catch up with. It's like the venom suit in Spiderman...you clear away a little space and it just grows right back.(My husband and older kids have been on a super hero movie kick lately!)
I don't want to feel overwhelmed. Logically, I know that caring for my large family that includes a baby and a toddler is not going to leave time for much else beyond dishes and laundry....and I'm behind on even those chores!!! Ugh!
I want to feel organized and together. I never aspire for perfection...I gave up on that years ago. I just want to stop feeling like I'm running "up" on a "down" escalator....always running full speed just to not lose ground.
If I stop, I am going to be buried by everything that is closing in around me in this house. It's just not a good feeling.
I am feeling frazzled. I feel like I am drowning in clutter that I will never catch up with. It's like the venom suit in Spiderman...you clear away a little space and it just grows right back.(My husband and older kids have been on a super hero movie kick lately!)
I don't want to feel overwhelmed. Logically, I know that caring for my large family that includes a baby and a toddler is not going to leave time for much else beyond dishes and laundry....and I'm behind on even those chores!!! Ugh!
I want to feel organized and together. I never aspire for perfection...I gave up on that years ago. I just want to stop feeling like I'm running "up" on a "down" escalator....always running full speed just to not lose ground.
If I stop, I am going to be buried by everything that is closing in around me in this house. It's just not a good feeling.
Moments
Before I got out of bed this morning, I took a minute to watch Luke and Kate sleep. They both looked so peaceful. I noticed their sweet little faces and their chunky thighs.
Now wide awake and nursing in my lap is a squirmy, wormy 6 month old. She nurses and then pulls off to smile at me and look around to make sure she isn't missing anything before she latches back on...only to repeat the smile and look process a few seconds later.
So sweet with her big, blue eyes!
I'm glad I had that moment this morning with my little ones. I'm glad I took that moment before jumping into the chaos of my day!
Now wide awake and nursing in my lap is a squirmy, wormy 6 month old. She nurses and then pulls off to smile at me and look around to make sure she isn't missing anything before she latches back on...only to repeat the smile and look process a few seconds later.
So sweet with her big, blue eyes!
I'm glad I had that moment this morning with my little ones. I'm glad I took that moment before jumping into the chaos of my day!
Monday, July 2, 2012
Lesson Learned!
Wow the weekend went by fast! It was busy, but fun. We celebrated my sister's birthday on Saturday with a clam boil at my mom's house. I made stuffed quahogs and two ice cream cakes. It all came out good...the ice cream cake with the brownie base was a little soft. It would have been better if I had made it the night before. The presentation wasn't the best...but it tasted good:)
Yesterday we went to a pond with our friends. It was a lot of fun...until we lost Peter for five minutes. He had been sitting with a snack at the picnic table. I was starting to pack up and Jay was chatting with our friends. Peter must have seen that we weren't paying close attention to us and walked away.
We all spread out to look for him. It was a hot day and very busy. Our friend's son spotted him first walking around. He was chewing something that wasn't his snack so he must have taken food off of some other family's picnic table. A modern day Goldilocks!
We finished packing up and went home after that! Peter is so much better than he used to be, but is still challenging out in public. We were both right there when he wandered off...but Peter is quick and quiet! Like Jay said when we were talking about it last night, the problem was that we both relaxed for a minute.
Thankfully, nothing bad happened and it was a good reminder that, in public, Peter needs constant contact. Hard fact....but that's just where he's at.
I only half-jokingly said we should color his hair when we go out in a public place like that next time. (In case you're wondering, we don't do big outings often because it is SO much energy to keep Peter and Luke safe!) But it would be easier to find a kid with bright colored hair in the crowd! You know, like that Halloween spray paint!?!
Sometimes it's just really hard to be a parent to a special needs child....especially when we have two other little children that need close supervision, too.(Thankfully, Kate's not moving around much yet, but next summer it will be a completely different story!)
Hindsight is 20/20 and it's a reminder that bringing someone along to help with Peter would have been a good idea yesterday. Especially since the girls and Jon and Mike weren't with us. We only had Andrew, who was helping a lot with Luke. It's just where we are at right now with our family. If Jay and I want to actually have a conversation with our friends, we need extra back-up. Even though we took turns with Peter and/or Luke, it still wasn't enough if we don't have our own family back-up structure present.
Lesson learned!
Yesterday we went to a pond with our friends. It was a lot of fun...until we lost Peter for five minutes. He had been sitting with a snack at the picnic table. I was starting to pack up and Jay was chatting with our friends. Peter must have seen that we weren't paying close attention to us and walked away.
We all spread out to look for him. It was a hot day and very busy. Our friend's son spotted him first walking around. He was chewing something that wasn't his snack so he must have taken food off of some other family's picnic table. A modern day Goldilocks!
We finished packing up and went home after that! Peter is so much better than he used to be, but is still challenging out in public. We were both right there when he wandered off...but Peter is quick and quiet! Like Jay said when we were talking about it last night, the problem was that we both relaxed for a minute.
Thankfully, nothing bad happened and it was a good reminder that, in public, Peter needs constant contact. Hard fact....but that's just where he's at.
I only half-jokingly said we should color his hair when we go out in a public place like that next time. (In case you're wondering, we don't do big outings often because it is SO much energy to keep Peter and Luke safe!) But it would be easier to find a kid with bright colored hair in the crowd! You know, like that Halloween spray paint!?!
Sometimes it's just really hard to be a parent to a special needs child....especially when we have two other little children that need close supervision, too.(Thankfully, Kate's not moving around much yet, but next summer it will be a completely different story!)
Hindsight is 20/20 and it's a reminder that bringing someone along to help with Peter would have been a good idea yesterday. Especially since the girls and Jon and Mike weren't with us. We only had Andrew, who was helping a lot with Luke. It's just where we are at right now with our family. If Jay and I want to actually have a conversation with our friends, we need extra back-up. Even though we took turns with Peter and/or Luke, it still wasn't enough if we don't have our own family back-up structure present.
Lesson learned!
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