Happy Father's Day

It's winding down to the end of Father's Day.  The first half of the day went great for us....Mass, then home for a little breakfast and listening/singing to some early 90's tunes, then brunch with my family and Jay's family to celebrate Father's Day.

Jay had woken up with a bad sinus cold.  By mid-afternoon he was starting to have chills and a headache.  He's mostly been in bed since 3:30:(...not the best way to spend Father's Day.

Yesterday, Jay and his dad spent from 7am until 8:30pm building a pool deck.  Last week they had dug the holes and poured cement.  Jay really wanted to finish building it yesterday as a birthday present for me...one more thing completed to make our backyard even better!  The deck came out great!

The only thing left to do is trim the boards over the pool.  Jay's circular saw wasn't strong enough so he had to borrow my brother-in-law's.  He was going to take care of it this afternoon, but that didn't work out because he was feeling so awful.  Other than that and putting some water seal on it, (which Jon will be doing), it was built in a day.

Peter already tried the deck out even though the water is freezing!  Luke keeps calling the deck his tree house.  Luke was underfoot most of the day yesterday "helping" to measure and drill.  Luke loves doing projects with Jay...it's SO cute!

My husband has many talents!  Most importantly, he is a GREAT dad!  He not only meets their physical needs, but their emotional and spiritual needs as well.  He is thrilled each time we add a new baby into our family.  Even after all the children we have had, he still gets incredibly excited and nervous whenever it gets close to the arrival of a new little blessing!  He is the first one to get teary eyed as a new little life emerges and we get to meet him, or her, for the first time.

Jay cuddles babies, changes diapers, plays on the floor with toddlers, plays games with grade schoolers, goes to countless games and meets and practices, spends hours talking and, more importantly, listening to teenagers talking about their hopes and their struggles, plays basketball with teenagers(and still refuses to let them win...though Mike has managed a win or two in the last couple months for the first time), and teaches teens to drive.

I remember the day Michael was born and Jay became a father for the first time.  We were very young and had no idea what we were doing!  But Jay was so proud and so full of love for his baby boy!  The afternoon Mike was born, Jay went down to the gift shop and got Mike a small stuffed alligator.(Then looked at me sheepishly and said he forgot to buy me flowers!)  He was just so happy and so excited.  Jay had never really held or cared for a baby before.  That didn't matter.  He jumped right in, even in the hospital.  Jay wanted to give Michael his first sponge bath.  He loved holding him, feeding him, and cuddling him.(He did lots of diaper changes, too!)

For 19 years Jay has been, and continues to be, a great daddy!  I am so blessed...and so are my kids!

Happy Father's Day!        

Make Love My Aim

It's Friday...and the first full day of summer vacation for my kids!  At one of my middle of the night wake up calls, I was confused, trying to figure out what day it was.  Felt like a Saturday, but then I remembered it was only Friday, and I drifted off to sleep thankful that our morning rush to get everyone out of the house was over for the summer and tomorrow could be a lazy morning!


One of the perks of summer!


We need to keep focus on the positives!  Right, felllow moms?!? :)


Anyway, Kate started to fuss this morning because she has a stuffy nose.  I managed to get her out of my room without waking up Luke.(Positive thought #2!).  When we got into the living room and looked at the clock, I realized it was only 5:45!  So much for sleeping in!  But I was hoping to get my blog written before my Happiness Project book club this morning, so it's really not so bad.  And the house is quiet since only Kate and I are up so it's a good time to write.(Positive thoughts #3, 4, and 5....I'm on a roll!!!)


I'm glad it's Friday, and Jay took Monday off, so we are looking forward to a long weekend.  Since I had a quiet moment I decided to open the Bible for inspiration for the day.  Being the first day of summer vacation, I would like to start it off in a positive way.  Hopefully, I can have patience and help to create(and maintain) a joyful atmosphere in my home.(At least for one day!  I am keeping my expectations low, though, and aiming for a morning!)


So I opened the Bible and my eyes fell on a couple of verses about love.  Seems appropriate as we embark on our extended opportunity for family time.  We seem to have the screaming and the cranky moments down pat....but we could always use a little(sometimes a lot) more love!


"Make love your aim and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts" Corinthians 14;1


O.K., sounds like God sent me the plans for today....make love my aim! (Hopefully my aim is better than it has been in the past!)  It's like target practice....although usually when I think of target practice I am imagining using a super soaker on whichever child is driving me nuts at the moment!


Well my first target...I mean child....just came walking out of his room.  And the toddler is awake and calling me from my bed.  Now Peter is going to see Luke and Luke is already bossing him around and Peter is already making him scream!


Isn't it great that I have so many opportunities to practice patience and love!?!


Did I mention that I know where the stash of water balloons is hidden?  You know, just in case I need to practice another kind of aim at some point!

Hooking up today with Create with Joy and Each Card Tells a Story and  

Ready...Set...Summer!!!

This school year has flown by!  At various times today all of the kids will be home for good for the summer.(With the exception of Mike who had a few weeks off and started 2 summer courses last week.)

The boys have half days and the girls have a full day.  All of them are looking forward to summer break and have been counting down the days for several weeks!

It will be an adjustment in my routine for sure.  I actually like having them home.  Well, to be honest, I like having them home for the summer with the exception of Peter.  I know that sounds awful, but Peter is tough to have home for extended periods of time.  Peter has all the physical abilities of an almost 11 year old but cognitive abilities of a preschooler, without any real play skills.  It burns me out big time.  It's been getting better over the years, but anything more than a week is tough for both of us.  Peter doesn't play with things, so he gets bored and misses his school routine.  Thankfully he will have 5 weeks of half day summer school and 4 weeks of camp at the local Y.  He did the camp last year and loved it.  It worked out great for both of us and made the time we were together so much more enjoyable.  I appreciated the time rather than trying to survive it!  

Andrew will be starting a part time job next week(hooray!) and Jon will have a very part time job but we will be "employing" him to do some projects around the house like painting the shed.  The boys also have a couple of retreats they will be going on.  Sarah and Jon have some sports camps they will be doing as well.  Andrew and Jon will be donating time once a week with the Missionaries of Charity summer program they run for children living in the city, too.

Summer always seems longer than it is.  With all the summer get togethers and busy weekends, it always goes faster that I think it will.

I have some personal goals for summer that I intend to discuss with the kids tonight.  Since there will be extra hands to help, I want to schedule 4 days that I can walk for 30 minutes.  One thing with having all the kids home all the time is the constant noise and business.  A little time to take care of myself and re-charge will help me a better and more patient mom!

I want all of us to go to Mass at least one extra day a week.  I also want all of us to spend 30 minutes in adoration in different shifts during each week.(Bringing Luke to adoration is not prayerful!)  The walking and prayer does not really take much time...3.5 hours over the course of a whole week!  But I know that if I don't schedule it, then it won't happen.

I want to make more of an effort to give all of the kids more individualized attention, especially Ellie.  With the older kids all being teenagers and the needs of Luke and Kate and Peter, Ellie is like a "middle child" right now.  The teenagers, particularly the boys, can often be too critical of her and expect her to be older than she is.  It's just on my heart to focus some special attention on her so I'm going to try my best to do that.

I want the kids to have friends over each week...especially the girls.  We have a great backyard this year and I am excited to use it!  We also have a family room now so having other kids over is so much easier.  Since we have a large family the kids have built in companions, but it's important to foster other friendships too.   That's definitely going to be a focus this summer.

I have quite a few goals.  I don't expect to be perfect by any stretch of the imagination!  I will take it week by week and do what I can.  I'm praying that our family time will build all of us up...at least most of the time!:)

When Life Gets Messy

It's so hard to see friends struggling.  Sometimes it's financial problems, sometimes it's troubles with their child, sometimes it's emotional struggles, sometimes it's a combination.  It's hard to watch and feel helpless as to what to do.

Knowing what to say and when to say it to someone going through a difficult time is TOUGH!  I care about my friends and I want to support them...but I don't want to be pushy either(which is something I've had to learn the hard way!)  I cannot solve their problems.  I cannot take away all their bad feelings and make it all ok.  I cannot take on their problems so much that it affects the way I function and zaps  my emotional reserves so that I can't take care of my own family.  It's a balance that I really struggled with in the past.

I'm better with it now but sometimes I still have to remind myself that I can only do my part in difficult situations.  Figuring out my part can be a challenge!

I find that when I pray about what I should do, things turn out much better.  What I think people might need isn't necessarily what they truly need.  Sometimes I try to give them what I needed when facing a similar situation, but that never helps them or fills the leftover emptiness in me!  Things always run more smoothly when I do my part and let God do His!(Again, a lesson I often learn the hard way!)

That's hard because often that means praying for them and being open for those opportunities to be a comfort and support in God's time, not our time.  Sometimes, difficult situations don't have a quick fix.  In those times, I really have to remember to think of things as a marathon and not a sprint.  Otherwise, your desire and ideas to help are exhausted and you have nothing left to give.

Inspiration might come in the form of calling someone, or sending a card, or making a meal, or making a dessert, or setting up time for a cup of coffee, or giving a compliment...really it's about listening to your heart.    It's the greatest feeling in the world when you are blessed with the opportunity to connect with someone on a such a personal level and encourage them and ease the burden they carry in even a small way.  It's a blessing to give hope to someone.

On the flip side of giving is receiving.  I think it's even harder to receive that help and hope.  Our society has bought the lie that we are all supposed to be self-sufficient and capable of doing everything ourselves, all the time, perfectly.....NOT!  How many times have you(and I) been feeling really down and really trapped in the negatives of a tough life moment and we get a phone call, or a card, or a kind word out of the blue that gives us that window of hope and reminds us that God is in control, and good feelings still exist, and we will get through the tough moment....a reminder that it's just a speed bump!

How hard is it to accept that help that we desperately need?(VERY!!!)  How often do we not ask for the help we need from other people.....ask them to lighten our burden?(not often enough!)  How often do feelings grow and fester out of control because we keep them inside instead of working through them?(too often!)  I'm talking about myself here....if it resonates with you, too, it's purely coincidental!

Do you recognize any of these thoughts?.....  I don't want to burden anyone.  I can work through it myself.  It's not so bad, I can handle these (sad, angry, hurt, etc.) feelings.  Maybe I will call someone tomorrow.  "I'm fine" is always the answer to everyone's question, "How are you?" even when I'm not.  I don't even know how I'm feeling anymore, so it's just too much work to talk about it.  What I feel is just too messy...it will just push people away.

I'm guilty of all of them...and even more.  What I have more recently started learning, is that it's easier to be the listener to other people than the one asking people to listen.....BUT....when I keep my messiness inside  I do not really share all of who I am.  That effects the closeness of my friendships.  I'm not saving them from my messiness, I'm creating a fence keeping people away from a part of me.  It creates disconnectedness...and hurts my friendships.  It hurts me too...makes me feel that I NEED to hide parts of myself.  That's not very healthy.

It's hard to be honest with my messiness.  But my real, true friends will be ok with who I am on any given day.  I'm not perfect.  I have strengths and I'm working on my weaknesses.  It's humbling to admit that to other people....but it helps me grow.  And, realistically, they see it all anyway, whether I tell them directly or not!

Life is messy!  It cleans up better and quicker when we work together with the family and friends around us that God has blessed us with.

"We Snuggle?"

Every morning I wake up between two people(and neither of them are my husband!).  On Tuesdays, when I try to drag myself out of bed a little earlier so its not so crazy getting ready for work, I try so hard to disengage myself from little legs and arms that are touching me without waking them up.  Then, I try to sit up and climb off the bed without waking either of them.  I try to walk quietly out of the room and say a quick good morning to Jon, who is dressed and usually watching sports highlights on ESPN while he's waiting for school.  My hope is to let him listen for Luke and Kate while I get a quick shower and a jump on my morning.

This morning, I was halfway across the living room when I heard, "Mommy!", from Luke calling from my bedroom.  So I stopped, and took a deep breath, and realized I would have to move to Plan B.  I heard another, "Mommy, where are you?"  from the bedroom.  Then I heard Luke talking in his extra high pitched voice he uses with Kate, "Hiiiiii", and "Baby Kate you awake".  So, I took another deep breath and walked into my room, where Kate was pushed up on her arms laying on her belly and Luke is laying in front of her smiling.

Luke looked up and saw me.  "Mommy, you here!", in his soft, squeaky voice.  "We snuggle?"

And how could I say no?

So I laid down next to him and he molded his little body close to me with a big smile on his face.  I looked at his chubby little cheeks and his chubby little hands and his little arms wrapped around me.  Luke is just.so.sweet.

Even though I didn't get a jump start on my day, I started my day in the best way!  I wouldn't trade that special snuggle time for anything!

Every Day Is A Blessing

My father-in-law was diagnosed in the fall with prostate cancer.  He had surgery in November and recovered well from it.  The doctor was optimistic that he wouldn't need any further treatment.  Follow-up blood tests showed a continued elevation of numbers that should have been decreasing.  This week, he received the news that he would have to undergo different combinations of hormone therapy and radiation for the next six months.

Everyone, including the doctors, are very optimistic for a positive outcome.  My husband, his mom and his sisters are all ready to support my father-in-law in any way they can.  Though there is some fear that rises up now and then, (which is certainly understandable!), everyone is trying to remain positive.

The one really good thing that I have seen come out of my father-in-law's illness is that everyone in the family has started living life with the focus that "every day is a blessing."  In the back of our heads I think everyone knows that we don't know how long any of our lives will be.  We don't want to live in complete fear of losing those we love, but we also don't want to get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life that we let too much time pass connecting in deeper ways with our family and friends.  When someone is sick, it forces us to stop and re-evaluate what is happening, how the changes will affect everyone, and how to adapt.

When you are forced to look at the reality that life is finite, you appreciate the time more. I see my sister-in-laws being supportive and encouraging to keep his spirits up.  I see my husband wanting to stop by and visit his parents more...even if it's just for a quick hello.  I see his father being more connected with his grandkids and more social at family get togethers.  I see father and son bonding with shared projects and ideas, communicating in their own "man language" that seems to bring important connection and peace to both of them.  I think regular celebrations like birthdays and anniversaries get looked at differently- less as something to "fit in" and more as a special moment to spend time together, let people know how special they are, and make family memories.

When someone gets sick, it forces you to realize that the amount of celebrations they have left are less than the amount we have had the opportunity to be a part of in the past.  In some ways it is a grace to re-focus and a grace to appreciate in a deeper way the time we do have together.  Sometimes, (often?), it feels like everyone will be here forever and things will always be the way they are.  Things often change so slowly, and life is so busy, that it is often a shock when some bigger event happens...like a graduation, or marriage, or sickness....to realize just how much things have changed!  You look in the mirror and wonder when those wrinkles and gray hairs started appearing!  Or how your baby could have graduated from high school(or college..or kindergarten..or 8th grade!)....or when your parents started to slow down...or how your teenagers are bigger than you are....

Each moment is special in its own way.  Memories are important...especially good ones.  There are lots of opportunities to make those memories...we just have to take the time to re-focus every now and then and remember what's important.

If you could keep my father-in-law, Fran, in your prayers it would be much appreciated.  I know the next few months won't be a picnic for him!  Once it's over we are looking forward to many more years of special memories!  

Field Trip!!!

I was able to go with Sarah on her class field trip to the Newport Mansions today.  We went to Rosecliff and The Breakers.  They are incredible!  There is so much architectural detail.  You can almost imagine men and women, dressed in formal attire, dancing in the ballroom!  It's amazing to think of people living in such elegance.  

Sarah was loving it.  One of the volunteers mentioned that people can rent out the space for parties and wedding receptions.  Her eyes lit up.  Sarah started talking about how beautiful wedding pictures would be on the decorative staircase!  (Uh-oh...we better start saving now!)

The weather today was perfect...sunny and warm with a nice breeze.  I love watching the ocean..and the views from the mansions were just amazing!

Can you imagine waking up to this view?

It was nice to be able to spend some special time with Sarah.

It was fun being with Sarah and her friends.  They were all so in awe with everything they saw.  It was fun to watch their expressions in each of the rooms as they looked at the details and listened to the descriptions of the rooms' function and special stories of the people that once lived there.

It was a really nice day:)