In the cycle of Mass readings, the first reading has been from the Book of Tobit the last few days. Each day that I've started the first reading, I feel a little bit of delight as I remember how much I like this particular Old Testament Book. It's not long...only 14 chapters total. I just really like the story and, spoiler alert, I especially love the happy ending.
The Book of Tobit is about, shockingly, a man named Tobit during the time of the Assyrian exile, and his wife and son, Tobias. Tobit became blind and is just waiting for death. He sends his son on a journey to get ten talents of silver that he had left in safe keeping with a far away relative. It ends up being a journey of faith and healing that Tobias takes, unknowingly, with St. Raphael. At the same time, it is also about one of Tobit's relatives named Sarah, who is a young woman that has been married seven times but a demon has killed each of her husbands on their wedding night before the marriage can be consummated.
Just a little light reading!! (Good thing I gave you that spoiler alert, right?!?)
Today's reading focused on 3:1-11,16-17. In these verses, both Tobit and Sarah in their respective cities(villages?) are feeling crushed by their individual crosses. Both pray...starting with proclaiming God's righteousness and begging for His Mercy. Both beg for death. They are both filled with so much pain that they see no other way out.
While our visiting priest went on to give what I'm sure was a very interesting homily focused on the Gospel of the day, my mind was just too drawn to the words of the first reading to think of anything but Tobit and Sarah. The emotion of their words just touched me deeply. Tobit and Sarah both poured their hearts out to God. They had been carrying such heavy crosses for quite a while. They felt tired and hopeless. They felt like there was nothing left for them. There was no future to hope for. They both felt like the only thing left for them was to pray for the end to come. In Tobit's words, "...For it is better for me to die than to see so much distress in my life and listen to such insults."(verse 6) And in Sarah's words, in verse 15: "...Why should I live? But if it be not pleasing to you to take my life, command that respect be shown to me and pity be taken upon me, and that I hear reproach no more."
In other words, I can't take anymore! Make the hurting stop.
While our crosses aren't the same as Tobit or Sarah's, how many times have we gotten to a place where we have poured our hearts out to God? How many times have we cried out with words that echoed "I can't take it anymore!" and "Please make it stop!" and "Please make it go away!"
I've certainly used those words. And while God might not always take the cross away, He does always show up and give me the grace to take the next step. His plan doesn't usually take the direct route I wish it did to the "finish line", but there are blessings to be found on the journey and even in an unexpected ending.
Tobias' journey was meant to fulfill Tobit's request to recover the talents he left in safe keeping, to provide for his family when Tobit's wish for death was realized. But Tobias' journey ended up being so much more. Because of St. Raphael's help, Tobias found what would cure his father. St. Raphael also led Tobias to Sarah, who "as his kin...have before all other men a hereditary claim to her."(Tobit 6:10) When Tobias questioned out of fear because rumors traveled fast back then, even without the existence of social media, St. Raphael, (still in disguise), told him how to pray to God and what to do to make the demon flee. Because those words were God's truth...and I'm sure it helped coming from an (unknown) angel, "When Tobias heard these things, he fell in love with her and yearned deeply for her.(6:17)
Doesn't that happen to us to sometimes? When God's truth breaks through our fears and takes hold of our mind and emotions in an unshakeable way? When we feel the "peace beyond all understanding"?(Philippians 4:7) That's pure grace.
Hope is vital but hard to hold onto, especially when living for an extended period of time with really hard circumstances. We can be beaten down so much, that it's impossible to see a different outcome than the one we fear. That's where Sarah was. The wedding night came and Sarah "began to weep".(7:17) Sarah's mother acknowledged her fear. "Be brave, my child; the Lord of heaven and earth grant you joy in place of this sorrow of yours. Be brave, my daughter."(7:18) Sarah's father certainly doubted:" But Rag'uel arose and went and dug a grave, with the thought, "Perhaps he too will die."(8:9) Rag'uel had a maid sneak in the room to see if Tobias was dead early the next morning so that he could bury him in secret. To Rag'uel's surprise, Tobias was alive, and he praised God!
"...Blessed are you, because you have made me glad.
It has not happened to me as I expected;
but you have treated us according to your great mercy...."(9:16)
"It has not happened to me as I expected;" That line stands out to me. It's hard to hope that good things will happen when other moments in life have been so painful. To be able to rejoice and thank God for a blessing you thought could never happen is a gift. When you're prepared for the worse, an unexpected blessing can bring so much healing to a soul that feels broken.
Despite all of the pain and trauma that Sarah and her family had been through, Rag'uel embraced the great surprise gift they had received. They trusted God to move forward in their lives, and he "ordered his servants to fill in the grave"(8:18). They let go of all the past pain and looked forward to building a life filled with blessings. Hope was given a place to grow in their hearts.
That's what God can do....He can surprise us and comfort us and heal us when things don't happen as we expect it. I need eyes to see that. Maybe you do to? Let's pray for each other and let Tobias' journey remind us all that God can restore even seemingly hopeless situations.
(And make sure to keep a lookout for angels in disguise along the way!)
