What crazy times we are living in! I feel like I’m living in a Lifetime movie.....but I am definitely a Hallmark kind of girl.(you know, a nice story line that has about 10 minutes of conflict that is always followed by a happy ending!)
Real life has definitely gone over that 10 minute mark of difficulty! In my area of suburbia, we are on day 13 of school shut downs and day 4 of “non essential worker” shut downs. And after yesterday’s announcement from our Governor, schools will be out until at least May 4th.
Life feels very surreal.
How does life in our house look right now? Well, let’s just say it has me longing for our “normal chaos” while I try to figure out our ever changing “new normal”.
Jay does home care physical therapy and is still working. With all elective surgeries being canceled, his company’s caseload is dropping but so far no cuts have been made. He’s grateful to still be working for now, but worries about getting exposed to the virus and bringing it home to us. Jay has also had to take over giving my 97 year old grandfather his pills for me twice a day. The assisted living where he lives will only allow medical workers in right now. So I’m grateful we still have contact with him, but it’s an added responsibility for Jay, who is already carrying a lot. Jay loves my grandfather and has been so generous with the way he has served and loved Pepere the last couple of weeks.
As of this past Monday, my parents’ salon where I work part time has been shut down. I am now back in the role I had for 24 years as a SAHM. I’ve also taken on the role of homeschooling with lots of teacher support. (More on this below)
Mike has been going to barber school since September and was supposed to graduate in early June. His barber school is closed now and graduation pushed back. He also worked part time for my parents’ salon, so he is trying to keep busy doing odd jobs for my parents until life gets back to normal.
Andrew’s job has them all working from home. His wife, Liz, is a reading specialist and will be off until May. She’s responsible for checking in with a certain number of students each week and helping kids with work where needed. She’s also been doing some special reading videos to connect with her students and help the learning to continue at home.
Jon is home from his grad school ocean engineering program, taking his class online, and working on his thesis. He’s supposed to finish this summer, and hopefully some of the unknowns won’t delay that. His fiancé, Marisa, is a guidance counselor at a local high school so she is off right now and participating in meetings as the school, like many others, tries to figure out how to best help and educate their students during this pandemic. Jon and Marisa are getting married on May 24th, so you can imagine the stress they are carrying. The April shower we have scheduled will be getting pushed to May, and we are hoping that by the wedding life will be back to normal...or at least normal enough! There is a June back up date that we hope will never have to be used! It’s so hard....when they got engaged almost two years ago and picked a wedding date no one would have guessed something like this would have happened! The one positive note is that Marisa is getting lots of the pre wedding details accomplished now since she’s got so much extra time on her hands!
Sarah is also doing grad school from home. She’s in a speech therapy program and is missing out on many hours of clinical time with the schools closed. She will have to do extra days next semester to make them up. Sarah has been very helpful with the homeschooling efforts, especially during the first week while I was still working.
Poor Peter is having a hard time. Despite social stories and explanations, he is missing his teachers, friends, and routines. He is feeling very stressed out on some days. His teacher, Miss Lori, has been super helpful with suggestions and coming up with a schedule that will mimic his school day to some degree. She even dropped off a couple of items on our doorstep from his classroom for him to use. We are taking it one day at a time with Peter. The one bright side is he is enjoying a couple of extra sleepovers at Pa’s house!
Ellie’s high school has not missed a beat. They had one day off, and since then, have participated in a normal schedule of online live classes from 8 to 1 each day. Ellie is enjoying the homeschool atmosphere...especially wearing comfy clothes to class each day. I think if it was up to her, this would be her preferred method of learning!
Luke and Kate’s school has been up and running after only a day off as well. For their grade levels, the teacher sends out assignments each day and I take pictures and email back their work. Luke’s teacher has been sending videos of herself teaching and, this week, they had two live teaching classes using Zoom. (Kate’s teacher is going to try one tomorrow and she is very excited!) Luke loved it....especially seeing and talking to his friends. He sounded so happy during both live sessions...it warmed my heart. The other day we were snuggling together before the day started and he said, “I really like being home and being with my family, but I hope the virus goes away soon. I miss my friends.”
#me too
I’ve tried to be upbeat and focused on the positive, but some days are easier than others. Fear and anxiety have not been my friends. Not knowing when everything is going to end is hard. I felt very discouraged when they announced the pushed back school closure date. I just wish they had waited until it got closer to make the call. A lot could change in 6 weeks...and maybe it could even be positive change!
A couple moments have brought me to tears. Seeing the grocery store shelves pretty bare the first time really triggered some fear in me. It was hard to fight down the negative thoughts of not being able to take care of my family. Reminding myself that God will provide is something I recite multiple times a day! A couple of days in the last two weeks Jay has randomly stopped by the grocery store on his way home and been able to get a rationed package of hamburger or the more difficult to find package of chicken! One day he even got a party size package of hot dogs. It reminded me of Pa from Little House on the Prairie coming home with a much needed deer or turkey to take care of his family. Thankfully, my mighty “hunter” brought his spoils home without feathers in a brown paper bag!
#grateful
Trying to wear so many hats right now is challenging. Despite reading directions multiple times, I still somehow manage to forget to send some part of Kate or Luke’s work each day. Peter’ struggles have discouraged me, too. I’m hopeful that a more structured day will help....but in reality that means more work and follow through for me when I’m already feeling inadequate. Fighting the urge to just hibernate until this is all over takes a lot of my emotional energy right now.....especially when we are faced with another entire month of home learning.
I know lots of people are going through the stages of grief over special plans that are cancelled or in danger of being cancelled. Six months ago, I had planned a special early graduation gift for Jon and Peter...a mother/son(s) 4 night Disney trip. It’s the first time I’ve ever planned a trip like this....for many, many years I was a pregnant/nursing mom with a difficult special needs child who stayed at home while Jay did all the school and youth group trips and retreats. This trip was a last hurrah for me and Jon before he got married and he still belonged in a very small way to me. We were supposed to leave on March 14th....the day after MA schools announced they were closing for three weeks and the day after Disney announced they were closing their parks that same weekend.
And while a cancelled trip is certainly not such a big deal compared to families that have lost loved ones to this virus or are facing huge financial burdens and uncertainty, it’s still a loss for me. My disappointment is a big reminder of how little control I really have in my life, and that’s more than a little uncomfortable.
It’s amazing how our weekly routines give us comfort. I miss that rhythm of life. I miss my daily visits to adoration after work...those few minutes of quiet and prayer between my roles of worker and mom. I miss my adoration hour on Saturday mornings and morning Mass a couple of days each week. I miss my Sunday morning routine...I miss attending Mass, sitting in our usual pew surrounded by our friends. I miss chatting with them after Mass. I’m grateful for our Pastor for posting Mass to he website each day, but, as Luke said in the middle of our first TV Sunday Mass, “This just isn’t the same.”
I keep thinking about how amazing that first Mass will be when all the bans are lifted...how grateful I will feel to drop my kids off at school, spend time with my grandfather, and have a regular work day. We have all received many involuntary penance this Lent! Even if our “Easter” from our current situation doesn’t happen on April 12th, I’m praying that it will be here soon. Until that day arrives, I will be praying that God’s Grace will send me patience and fortitude to make it through and not waste the graces that even the most trying of these unusual days will bring.
I'm praying for patience and fortitude for you too!
