No Batteries Required

We are on the cusp of one of the most challenging seasons of the year! As moms, we carry so much of the pressure to make magical holiday memories. There's a lot of list making, menu planning, grocery shopping, baking, cooking, gift buying and decorating that we will be managing until the end of the year. So, how can we create moments of delight while fostering peace, faith and all of the true meaning of the holiday season?

Focus, Pacing, and Heart Posture

I've been thinking about how to make peace and simplicity a focus of my own Advent this year. That doesn't mean I'm going to cut out all of my usual planning and traditions. I think it's more about my overall focus, pacing, and heart posture. 

What's our motivation behind all that we do to make Thanksgiving and Christmas special? The most important motivation for me is to show my family that I love them. And yet, I know there are moments in each holiday season when I lose sight of that, and my actions and reactions can make it seem that my to-do list is more important than the hearts I'm trying to serve well. When I allow overwhelm to run the show and become too rigid and try to white knuckle it through "my" plans instead of being flexible and accepting God's grace to pivot when things don't go as I had hoped. Age and experience has helped in my rigid hold on perfectionism, but it still trips me up from time to time. Especially during the holidays.

I'm noticing an internal desire growing inside of me to create space for quiet as part of my to do list for the season. Finding a less frenetic pace is also important to me. I want to avoid feeling like I'm in a constant state of overwhelm from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day! That constant adrenaline rush might help me get all those extra holiday tasks accomplished, but it leaves me exhausted, burned out, and joyless. I don't want to feel like I'm merely surviving or "getting through" the holidays. I want to be able to enter into them and extract any joy and grace that God wishes to give me in this particular year; the only year my children will be this particular age, and my grandchildren will be this particular age, and our parents are here celebrating with us. I want to remember that this time is a gift to unfold and unwrap even with all its imperfections. 

I'm thinking about all of our family traditions that create new memories while, at the same time, bring up past memories I want to savor. I find that as I get older, I'm spending more time reflecting on those memories and looking at them from a "grown-up" perspective. As a child, I was just excited to see my cousins and play whatever pretend game we came up with in the moment while sneaking black olives to put on our fingers. But now, I appreciate how much work my grandmother put into all those big holiday dinners so much more. I have a much better understanding how much time and love went into making a big meal, including the five different pies waiting in her sewing room for all of us to enjoy!

While Christmas gifts were always exciting, (and always hidden behind my grandfather's favorite chair where us kids were forbidden from peeking at until present time which was pure torture!), I can't recall any of the toys I received. ... even though I remember circling potential gifts in the Sear's catalog my Grandma handed me each Fall. The only gifts I actually remember specifically were the homemade slippers my grandma crocheted for each of us grandchildren and the footy pajamas she always gave us. I remember how we would change into them before we left her house on Christmas Eve and my dad would carry me and my sister to the car, (because our dress shoes wouldn't fit over the pj feet), and we would look at all the Christmas lights all the way home. 

I'm trying to remember that those are the memories that I've held onto after all these years as I create Christmas for my family this year. The impulse buys that overextend my budget and take away my peace aren't going to be what they remember. Stuff that overwhelms spaces isn't going to bring true joy. This is really hard for me because I really love to shop and I really love to give gifts! But this year, I am 100% dedicated to creating Christmas within our set budget. (Ok...if I'm honest I'm only 75% committed but I'm relying on God's grace to get me the rest of the way there! This is another way to turn away from my self-sufficient attempts to create the "perfect" Christmas on my own, and to strengthen my trust muscle and rely more into God's plan.)

I want my heart posture to mimic that of Mary as she travelled to Bethlehem carrying Jesus within her. Mary didn't have everything figured out, but she trusted. I can imagine the peace and the comfortable silence that filled large parts of the journey that must have been exhausting and uncomfortable for Mary.  But God provided, God was enough, and that first Christmas brought the greatest joy for Mary to savor. 

No batteries required. 

And in the spirit of sweet baby snuggles, I'm sharing a picture of our youngest granddaughter, Monica<3

Words and Mindset Matter

Words and mindset matter. 

That phrase might make a good t-shirt or mug, but it can also help to make a good life. What we think and our perspective can make a big difference when we face life struggles and decisions. 

I tend to be more prone to strive in life that to abide. I have a hard time with patience and trust...waiting for God, and truly believing that He will take care of me in the painful circumstances in my life, doesn't come naturally. I tend to do a good amount of doubting and second guessing: "What if God doesn't really hear me? Or doesn't have time for me? Maybe He already gave me a direction and I missed it?"

There was something that Sister Miriam James Heidland said in a recent Abiding Together Podcast (Season 17 Episode 2)  that has stuck in my head.  "The mystery is not something to be solved, but something to unfold."

This simple sentence gives me a whole different perspective. If I'm trying to "solve" a mystery, I'm actively working hard to figure it all out. My mind is constantly turning to think of different angles, causes, and outcomes. The mystery is taking up the majority of my time, energy and focus. Everyone and everything else around me is getting my scraps ... or being completely ignored. I can't ever turn off or truly rest until I figure it all out, or get to a point when I am so frustrated that I just give up altogether. 

But if I look at a mystery as Sister Miriam suggested, as something that needs to "unfold", then it gives me a completely different feeling internally. Letting something unfold does not depend all on me. Letting something unfold does not illicit a feeling of hurry or anxiety. Letting something unfold opens a sense of curiosity, watchful waiting, and hopeful expectancy. 

When I compare solving vs. unfolding, there's a clear winner for me. I'm all for less striving, more abiding and not feeling like everything depends on me. There's just one small problem. Letting life unfold requires two things that I'm not very good at. 

Why is it so hard to wait and to trust?!?

I mean, how will it unfold if I don't "help"? If I stop solving and striving, then I'm also giving up my illusion of control. The key word in that sentence is "illusion" because I was never really in control anyway. But I am really, really good at creating scenarios where I feel like I'm in control. 

What's behind this desire to hang on to imaginary control? For me, the driving emotion is fear. Fear of facing the reality that life might not turn out like I want it to. What if I can't help orchestrate the deep desires of my heart, or the desires of my child's heart or husband's heart or friend's heart? I could be disappointed or worse...devastated.

But the reality is that I was never in control. And I will never be in control. Holding onto the illusion of control is just me trying to self-protect. (Spoiler alert: self protection also doesn't really work. When we try to self protect, we actually cause more harm to ourselves. Our attempts to shelter us from emotional pain also blocks out joy and keeps us from living authentically.)

So what does work? And what do I gain if I wait for God and trust Him to unfold the mystery at the pace He wills?

One thing I gain is greater endurance and patience. Waiting for God to unfold the situations in my life are all opportunities to strengthen my "trust muscle". (And God is very generous at providing circumstances to practice trusting Him!)

I also grow in humility as I gain a deeper understanding of how little my worry, overthinking and micromanaging actually affects the outcomes of the "mysteries" in my life. Another thing that I gain is greater peace as God reminds me and teaches me that everything doesn't depend on me. My faith in God also grows. Everything always turns out better when I stop trying to do God's job, and let Him do all that He is able to do instead of getting in the way with my "helping". 

Maybe we can practice letting go of control and allowing God to unfold whatever "mysteries" we find ourselves facing in our lives this Fall, while focusing on having a sense of curiosity, watchful waiting, and hopeful expectancy. I'm going to give it a try!!

And just for fun, here's a cute pic of my granddaughter, Claire!
I just love her dimples and her little ponytails!

Seven Things We Can Learn From Our Lady of Sorrows

Our Lady of Sorrows has become a special devotion in my life. The feast day of Our Lady of Sorrows is September 15th, and I wanted to honor her with a blogpost. There's SO much to say about the depth of suffering that Mary endured while living her continual fiat to God's will for her and for her beloved Son. I want to share some things that I've learned from Mary's Seven Sorrows.

1. Prophecy of Simeon

Pictures of Our Lady of Sorrows show the seven swords that pierced her heart over Jesus' lifetime. The first of those swords came from the prophecy of Simeon, who tells Mary that her beloved infant will suffer and that her own heart will be pierced. Despite the fear and sorrow that Mary must have felt in that moment, she leaned into God and trusted. 

We've all had moments when circumstances in life inject fear deep into our heart and we have the choice to turn to God or to self-protect and turn to our own "isms" to try and cope. (i.e. food, alcohol, scrolling, etc.) Unfortunately, I seem to be better at choosing the second option. But through Mary's example and God's grace I'm learning to trust God more and turn to Him first, or at least more quickly, when life sends those zingers that hurt my heart.

2. Flight Into Egypt

Mary left everything at a moment's notice after Joseph's dream that sent them fleeing to Egypt to save Jesus from Herod's wrath. I can imagine the fear and the deep loss they felt as The Holy Family left everything they knew and everything familiar. But Mary still trusted and continued to step out in faith, even as her life took an unchosen and unexpected path. 

We can turn to her for consolation and to follow her example of having to create a life with less than ideal circumstances. Whether it's a move, a loss, a diagnosis, or some kind of trauma that leaves us in unfamiliar territory trying to piece together and create a "new normal", Mary understands when situations in our own life place us on a journey that we would not have chosen.

3. Loss of the Child Jesus in the Temple

Mary's faith and calm in the midst of fear is an amazing example for us. Diligently searching for Jesus and filled with worry, Mary still leans into God. And when she finally finds Jesus, Mary is honest about her feelings without any emotional fit.(I can say with certainty that my reaction would have come with a side of "freak out".) But Mary brings everything to God and "kept all these things in her heart."(See Luke 2:51) That's what she encourages us to do. In hard moments we are meant to pour out all of our big emotions to God so that He can help us to see His perspective so that we can react in patience and love. 

4. Meeting Jesus on the Road to Calvary

Mary teaches us to accompany those we love when they carry heavy crosses. Even though we can't take away their suffering, our prayerful presence can be the encouragement and comfort they so desperately need. Feeling as if we suffer alone makes any burden so much heavier. Maybe you can recall a time in your own life when a particular trial was lightened, even a small way, through another person's thoughtful words or a kind gesture? I know that I can. And while their action didn't take away all my pain, it did lessen the weight on my heart and let a little light shine into the darkness I was going through.

5. The Crucifixion

Mary gives us an example of unwavering faith as she stood at the foot of Jesus’ cross and watched her Son’s crucifixion. Mary did not despair, but continued to trust in God through her pain and tears. She held firm to God and His promise that He would never leave us or forsake us even when the circumstances she was facing could have convinced her otherwise.

We are given the gift of Mary's unwavering faith when we cling to God in tragic circumstances of this fallen world. When our lives fall apart, all we feel is darkness and brokenness, and yet we lean into God. Just like Mary. 

6. Jesus is Taken Down From the Cross and Laid in Mary's Arms

In the midst of intense loss, Mary's eyes were only on her Son. Mary did not try to bury her pain or distract herself from the pain by railing at the soldiers or the crowd that desired her Son's death.  Mary stayed in the moment and allowed herself to feel the deep grief piercing her heart. She continued to lay her heart before God and pour out all of her brokenness for Him to hold. 

Mary reminds us that in times of great sadness and grief, it's important to pour our own hearts out to God. We aren't meant to stuff or ignore or rush through our hard feelings. 

7. Jesus is Laid in the Tomb

This is my favorite Sorrow, although "favorite" seems like the wrong word to use when talking about Mary's deepest pain and suffering. But it's this Sorrow that gives me the greatest hope to cling to when I'm carrying unresolved brokenness and grief, because Mary never gave up hope as she walked away from the tomb. Despite the way it looked, the story didn't end when the stone was rolled in front of the tomb.

There was more.

There's always more. Even when we don't really believe it. Even when all we see before us is an ocean of brokenness and all we feel is pain and grief. That's not the end of our story. God is still working. He has a plan and His plan is good.

I pray that Mary keeps each and every one of us wrapped in her mantle, especially in times of suffering. Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us!

(This post first appeared on Catholicmom.com:)

This is one of my favorite pics of OLOS. You can find it on Etsy at Sanctified Souls!

P.S. I was on a podcast!!!! It was such a fun experience to be a guest on the Mourning Glory Podcast! We had a great conversation about Our Lady of Sorrows. Here's the link so you can take a listen!

Mourning Glory Podcast: Our Lady of Sorrows

Having Hands and Hearts Wide Open

As soon as the calendar turns from July to August, there's an ache I try to ignore. Because every August I go through a cycle of grief and loss. As the days of August slip by, seeming to gain momentum even as I try my hardest to slow down and hold on tight to summer days, the first day of school looms closer and closer on the calendar for those of us in the Northeast. 

I start to become more reflective, looking back over the summer months that always seem like an almost endless amount of time when school vacation starts in June but always goes by way too quickly. I think of all of my summer goals that I hoped to accomplish, many that still stare back at me from my to-do list. I question whether I loved enough, was present enough, or had a good balance of activities making fun memories and time to "just be". Did I do a good enough job helping my kids to "live life" detached from technology? Did I use the time that I was given well enough?

There Is No Perfection In Motherhood

The reality is that, just like every summer, there are times when I lived up to the hopes and expectations that I set for myself and times when I fell short. There is no perfection in motherhood! There is only the opportunity to wake up each day and try to live in the moment, love my kids as best I can, and trust that God will make up any difference between what they truly need and what I'm able to give them.

New Routines and New Graces

Surrendering to the change of routine and accepting the end of those special summer moments can be hard. There is an element of relief to get back into a steady routine ... and for some moms there may be downright giddiness for kids to be back in school!

Wherever we find ourselves on the barometer of feelings, change is here. And for all of us, there is Grace to navigate these new routines and expectations. Even though I can't grasp and hold onto summer, I can hold fast to the truth that God is always with me and that, as it says in Lamentations 3:22-23,

His "acts of mercy are not exhausted, his compassion is not spent, 

They are renewed each morning - great is your faithfulness!

New graces every morning make me feel hope for the coming months. And speaking of hope, I remembered something this week! Even though I'm grieving the end of the slower paced days of summer and surrendering to time moving forward in the lives of my last two children still in school, one thing that hasn't ended yet is the Jubilee Year of Hope. I can look to this next season to watch for the special graces that God still has planned for me and for my family and friends.

That feels like a consolation to me. It's a reminder to me that God is still working, that He still has plans for me and that those plans are good.(see Jeremiah 29:11) And that's especially true in this Jubilee Year. I so want to be open to each and every grace that God might desire to pour into me. I long for Him to fill all of the places where I feel so inadequate, that are in darkness, or that are broken. For God to fill every part of me where I long to have His merciful love pour into and bring wholeness and healing so that I can be a better wife, mother, grammy, daughter, sister and friend. Graces for clarity and direction to fulfill whatever His plans are for me in this next season of my life. 

And while I will certainly allow myself moments to feel and process the sadness and the bittersweet passing of time, I choose not to get stuck there. The posture I want to have is one of gratitude for the summer memories, mercy for the times I failed to live up to my expectations, and hope for what God will reveal as August turns into September and beyond.

I hope that we can all stand with our hands and hearts wide open for whatever blessings God has prepared for us this Fall!

A pic from our short Maine summer getaway 

Waiting With Hope

In honor of this Jubilee Year of Hope, Catholicmom.com wanted to do a series for July called "Hope Found in Prayer".  Prayer is such a personal experience and different for everyone. We may be saying the same prayers out loud, but the words are being absorbed into our hearts and minds in different ways. Even as individuals, the same prayer or Bible passage can hit us in completely different ways depending on the season of life we are in or whatever situation we are working through.

For this particular Catholicmom series, all of the contributing writers were asked to share about a specific prayer that brings them hope. For me, the prayer that brings me hope is the Seven Sorrows of Mary. 

Mary suffered so much over the course of her life. And because of her experiences, we can be assured that we have a Heavenly mother who understands our own painful life circumstances and who longs to pour consolation into our hurting hearts. 

A Grace From Mary

Learning about the Seven Sorrows of Mary was a grace for me when our daughter, Therese was born with a fatal genetic disorder and passed away at sixteen days old in 1998. Mary's Seven Sorrows gave me a way to connect some of the most sorrowful moments of my life to each of her sorrows during Therese's 16 day journey on earth. In the time of some of my deepest grief, Mary's experiences helped me to feel understood and less alone in my pain.

 The Seven Sorrows

For anyone not familiar with the Seven Sorrows of Mary, it consists of saying seven "decades" that include an Our Father and seven Hail Mary's. For each "decade" you meditate on the following sorrows that Our Lady suffered during her lifetime:

1. The Prophecy of Simeon
2. The Flight into Egypt
3. The Loss of the Child Jesus in the Temple
4. Meeting Jesus on the Road to Calvary
5. Standing at the Foot of the Cross
6. Jesus is Taken Down from the Cross and Placed in Mary's Arms
7. The Burial of Jesus

Out of the Seven Sorrows, it's the Seventh Sorrow that gives me the most hope right now. Which seems pretty ironic ... after all, in the Seventh Sorrow, Jesus has died and is laid in a tomb. Mary no longer even has the presence of Jesus' body to give her any semblance of comfort. She walks away from the tomb after the day when the most horrific pain and grief has pierced her heart. But that's not the part of the sorrow that gives me hope.

What gives me hope is Mary's unwavering trust and hope that remains alive in her broken heart even in the most hopeless of circumstances. Mary leaves Jesus' tomb grieving, but she doesn't despair. She is waiting on God and trusting that He will bring good out of the horror that she had just lived through. As Saint John Paul the Great said about Mary after Jesus had been laid in the tomb, Mary "alone remains to keep alive the flame of faith, preparing to receive the joyful and astonishing announcement of the Resurrection."(Address at the General Audience, 3 April 1996; L'Osservatore Ramano English edition, 10 April 1996, p.7)

When everyone else around her had given up, Mary was the only one who kept the hope of the church alive on that first Holy Saturday. Mary's example gives me hope and courage. Because as women and mothers, how often do we find ourselves trying to keep faith alive within our family? The brokenness in our lives that appears to have little hope, yet we still call out to God and wait for Him to resurrect what seems lost. The relationships that only He can breathe life back into that we refuse to give up on.

What situations are you waiting for Jesus to resurrect in your life?

And while it will most likely take longer than one Holy Saturday for the circumstances and relationships that we are waiting on and praying for to be resurrected, we can wait with our Heavenly Mother for the redemption of our circumstances in God's timing. She will tend to our broken hearts, console us, and give us hope and fortitude in our waiting.

Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us!

(If you would like to read more articles written for Catholicmom's Month of Hope, click here)

This is currently one of my favorite pictures of OLOS. You can find it at Sanctified Souls.

Tea For Two & T-Rex For Tea

What do you do when you have a combined birthday party for a sweet two year old little girl and a dinosaur loving four year old boy? Well, you invite some dinosaurs to a tea party, of course!

This past weekend, we celebrated my grandson, Xavier's, 4th birthday and his sister, Claire's, 2nd birthday. We hosted the party at our house, but my son, Andrew, and daughter-in-law, Liz, (aka Xavier and Claire's mom and dad), created the party themes, decorations, and favors for the special day.

I love being a part of themed parties. I really enjoy all of the research to find cute ideas on different blogs and Pinterest. There's always a wide array of creativeness, difficulty, and cost to what people have spent creating party magic. One blog I read mentioned "only spending a few hundred dollars" on balloon arches! (Gulp!) That wasn't in our particular budget...(and thankfully when we have parties with balloon arches, my creatively dispositioned daughter-in-law, Marisa, takes care of that for us for only the cost of the balloons!.)

The day of the party, we had amazing weather for our outdoor party! (Thank you, God!) Warm but not humid. Perfect for swimming in the pool, which almost all the kids took advantage of. There was a nice breeze in the shade that made it perfect for sitting out side. It was just a perfect summer day!

Andrew made this sign:)

And we had to have a Happy Birthday sign with a dino flair, too!

Of course, the food is the most important part of the party! (and was a group effort!) 

A pretty fruit platter for Claire

A dino veggie platter(thanks to Auntie Kate!)

And what's a party without desserts! Adorable tea cup and dinosaur cupcakes(thanks to Babci..she's so creative! and I love the dino cupcake toppers I found on Amazon!), brownies by Aunt Jenny, fun (and tasty) confetti scones by Liz, chocolate chip cookies, dino sugar cookies that Xavier, Ambrose, and Leo helped to decorate and flower sugar cookies that I asked Marisa to make pretty! 

Liz made these cute and tasty tea sandwiches! turkey and pesto, cucumber and chicken salad!

Also served but not pictured: pulled pork, "Brontosaurus burgers", "Gigantosaurus Glizzies"(hot dogs), "Raptor Bites"(dino chicken nuggets), "lava lasagna"(thanks, Grandpa), potato salad(thanks, Grandma Red), "pterodactyl wings"(doritos), "dino scales"(chips), and "dino eggs"(grapes)

The birthday boy!

The birthday girl!

Ambrose and Leo

Charlie

Grandma and Pa with Aurora

Pool fun!

Claire is a cookie monster!

Babci and baby Monica

More Monica cuteness!

Liz created a dino egg hunt that all the kids loved! (Thanks for hiding the eggs Uncle Luke!) and she found the cutest favors for all the kids(we had 13 kids 6 and under at the party!) The kids all loved them!

Xavier trying out the dinosaur party favors!

Our niece, Isla, sporting the girls' tea party favor<3

Ambrose and Leo using the favors for a real life adventure in Dinosaur State Park in CT the day after the party!

It was such a fun day visiting with extended family and family friends. Xavier and Claire had a great time playing with all the kids. (And nobody went home hungry!) I call that a success!

Seeking Hope for Restoration

A couple of months ago, (or maybe even a bit longer since time just feels like it's flying by!), I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Abiding Together. Sister Miriam James Heidland was talking about using our imaginations to place ourselves in the Holy Family's House in Nazareth. She encouraged listeners to imagine spending time with the Holy family and consider what that interaction would look and sound like; maybe a conversation with Mary, or watching Jesus working with Saint Joseph in their workshop. 

And while that sounded peaceful, I can't say that it felt right for me. Peace isn't the word that jumps into my mind when I think of some of the hard things that I navigate in my own family. So imagining interacting with the Holy Family in their home in Nazareth left me feeling unconnected and that I just didn't fit in there.

I kept coming back to Sister Miriam's meditation idea over the next couple of weeks. At some point, I thought about how the Holy Family didn't just live all of their quiet, peaceful years in Nazareth. They also spent several years living in Egypt to protect Jesus from King Herod. 

Escape to a Strange Land

"Now when they had departed, behold, an angel of the lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, "Rise, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt, and remain there till I tell you; for Herod is about to search for the child, to destroy him." And he rose and took the child and his mother by night, and departed to Egypt, and remained there until the death of Herod. This was to fulfil what the Lord had spoken by the prophet, "Out of Egypt have I called my son."

Mary and Joseph found themselves living in a faraway place without any of their familiar comforts. They left in a hurry, fearing for their beloved Son's life, so what they would have had time to pack would have been minimal. They left their familiar environment. In Egypt, the Holy Family lived without the physical and emotional connection of their family and friends. They lived without their usual faith community or place of worship. And they had to create a temporary life in Egypt without knowing exactly how "temporary" it would be.

Relating to Being Uprooted

Some of us may be facing the challenge of being physically uprooted from our environment because of a move to a new home or even a new part of the country. But more of us can relate to the emotional uprooting that happens when something significant changes our everyday lives. A diagnosis, loss of a job, fracture in a family relationship, death of a love one, etc., can all leave us feeling that we've been stranded in a strange land. Since life is often messy and we live in a fallen world, maybe you can relate better at this moment to the Holy Family living in exile, trying to create a new "normal" in a place they didn't expect to be.

For me, it definitely feels more fitting and comforting to imagine myself with the Holy Family during their time in Egypt. It's a comfort to know that Mary also had to navigate through hard, unexpected circumstances and love and care for her family with what God provided even when His plan contained details and a timeline that wasn't what she imagined. I can imagine how hard it was to adjust to daily living in a foreign country, the concern she had as she encouraged Saint Joseph as he found ways to make a living to support his little family, and the love she poured out to Jesus as she created a home and tried to find community in the midst of all the uncertainty.

Mary's perfect trust in God regardless of her circumstances is always something worth pondering, and that perfect trust is worth asking for the grace to do ourselves, in the midst of our own challenges that life throws our way - especially those crosses that are not quickly or easily rectified. 

Imagine sitting with Mary in Egypt and pouring out all of your fears over the broken details in your life right now, knowing that she understands living in a difficult situation filled with a lot of unknowns. Asking her how to be patient in the waiting and how to trust when it feels like things will never be normal or "ok" again. Asking her how to love and care for our spouse and children in the midst of hard circumstances. 

Most of all, we can ask for the gift of hope as we wait with expectation of how God will restore what has been lost. 

(And introducing our newest bundle of hope: our granddaughter, Monica Michelle)