No Resolutions Required!

In complete transparency, I heard almost none of the homily at the Mass for the Solemnity of the Mother of God. (Sorry, Fr. Ryan!) Our pastor began his homily on New Year's Day by highlighting the fact that the first reading of the Mass was all about a blessing:

"...The Lord bless you and keep you! The Lord let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you! The Lord look upon you kindly and give you peace! So shall they invoke my name upon the Israelites, and I will bless them." Numbers 6:24-27

And after his initial words, I didn't really hear anything else. My mind just latched onto this thought:

"The Church is beginning this new year with a blessing ... not a self improvement to-do list."

And that's all I could ponder.

Maybe I've done New Year's wrong for the majority of my life!?! 

Most years, I have a whole list of ideas of how I want my new year to look like and the things I have to do to achieve those goals. Midnight on New Year's Eve has been like the gunshot at the starting line of a race - hurry, go, don't look back, and try your hardest not to fail! After an advent season and Christmas octave full of not only memories, traditions, friends and family, but also overindulgence, sensory overwhelm, and no semblance of routine, the thought of a reset with clear goals and objectives is often welcome. But I often try to overcorrect! Instead of just embracing a reentry into a more normal life rhythm, my pendulum swings from overwhelmed and overindulged to some kind personal reset boot camp that is in no way sustainable, (or often even reasonable!).

Taking a Necessary Pause

In regards to New Year's goals and resolutions, an important question to consider is where our motivation to make and achieve these goals is coming from. Did we even give ourselves a little time to pray and ask God what He wants our focus to be as we start a new year? Did we take a little time to reflect over the journey God has led us on over the last year? Where were our greatest joys, where were our greatest sorrows and where were the blessings that God brought out of all circumstances? Where are the areas that we noticed growth? Have we experienced more awareness, patience, or peace in situations or with people that we have previously struggled with?  Did God bring healing to any area of brokenness in our lives? What were the things that God showed us through prayer that left us pondering and led to spiritual growth?

Most years, I don't consider any of those questions. My mind is already running into the new year before I've made peace with the old. I already know I need to be better, and out of my insecurities and inadequacies I am picking areas that I can strive harder and hopefully make some gains. I've often tried to force growth under my own strength and my own will power. But that just leads to burnout and abandoned resolutions.

We Are SO Good at Falling Into the Trap of Self Sufficiency. 

We need to pause our own thoughts on what we think we should focus on and instead ask that question of God? We will only know if we ask and then quiet ourselves on the inside and wait to hear His answer. Very often His answer is very different from what we think we should be doing. It's not always about speeding up and adding more. Sometimes it's about slowing down to the speed of the Holy Spirit. It's about waiting for His whisper, waiting for His invitation to take a step. It's about going deeper, leaning in, and drawing nearer.

Sometimes it's not about adding anything new at all and just about continuing on the journey we've been on. 

Here's the Good News!

Just because it's no longer New Year's Day doesn't mean we've blown it! With almost all of 2026 still before us, we have plenty of opportunity to course correct. Thankfully, God's Word says that His mercies are "new every morning", not just on January 1st! (see Lamentations 3:23)

So today, regardless of the date on the calendar, carve out a few minutes to ask God where your focus for this new year should be. Don't try to figure it out on your own, or try to convince God that your ideas are the best way to go. Ask and then wait. Maybe your answer comes immediately and maybe it doesn't. Allow God to unfold the answer in your heart in His timing. 

Welcome to 2026. I pray that this year is filled with grace and blessings for all of us! 

(No resolutions required!)

Go Pats!;)

gospel reflection 1/15/26

"A leper came to him [and kneeling down] begged him and said, "If you wish, you can make me clean." Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand, touched him, and said to him, "I do will it. Be made clean." The leprosy left him immediately, and he was made clean. Then, warning him sternly, he dismissed him at once. Then he said to him, "See that you tell no one anything, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer for your cleansing what Moses prescribed; that will be proof for them." The man went away and began to publicize the whole matter. He spread the report abroad so that it was impossible for Jesus to enter a town openly. He remained outside in deserted places, and people kept coming to him from everywhere."

-Mark 1:40-45

This is one of my favorite Gospel stories. I can just feel the discouragement and the desperation in the leper's voice as he approaches Jesus and falls to his knees. This man has suffered under the cross of his illness that has stripped him of any other identity other than leper; an illness that has sentenced him to a life of exile from his family and from his community. He has lost everything except for his constant companions of pain and loneliness.

There are times in my life that I have felt stripped of any identity other than the pain of the brokenness that I have carried. When all of the darkness in my heart has created the feeling of emotional exile from even those closest to me. It's at those times of deep heartache that the posture of my heart mimics that of the leper in this Gospel. I see myself falling to my knees in front of Jesus, my self sufficiency utterly spent and my heart completely opened and surrendered to Him. In humility, I utter words begging Jesus similar to the leper. "If you wish....you can heal my heart." "If you wish ... you can heal my family." "If you wish ... you can take this cross from me."

I always long to hear Jesus speak the same words he said to the leper, "I do will it." Sometimes Jesus' answer to my prayers filled with deep longing are answered quickly with the outcome I had hoped for. But even when His answer to me is "not yet", a prayerful interaction with Jesus brings the Grace to continue hoping and waiting on His timing. 

Is there something in your own life that makes you feel like the leper in this Gospel passage? Are you ready to kneel before Jesus and ask Him for relief from the burden you are carrying?

Jesus, please give us the grace to lay our hearts before you. Please hear and tend to our deepest longings and heaviest burdens to give us the peace beyond all understanding. Thank you for your merciful love. Amen.

Don't Miss the Knock

In 2019, the last full year of my grandfather's life, I took on the responsibility of bringing him the pills he needed each day to his assisted living. I got to know the women who ran the front desk and some of the residents that frequented the common areas at the time I came. There was Dennis, who was super outgoing and always had a joke to tell me.  Sweet Maria, who always had a smile. Joe, the very kind head of maintenance and Mia, who kept everyone's rooms clean but, more importantly, always loved on everyone with her big smiles, constant encouragement, and heartfelt concern. 

And then there was Cliff. Cliff wasn't very old. He was probably in his 50's, but had some cognitive struggles. It took me quite a while to warm up to Cliff. I saw him almost every morning, walking quickly down the hallway with his head down and, what seemed to me, an angry expression on his face on his way out for a cigarette. He made me feel uncomfortable. Not because of anything he said, because he never actually spoke to me. It was just his demeanor that made me feel uneasy. Every day for months, Cliff walked by me with his quick pace down the hallway, head down, with the same off-putting expression.

A Different Perspective

Then there was one day that I noticed something other than Cliff's quick pace and demeanor. I noticed that Cliff had a hole in his sneaker. For the next week or two, I kept noticing that same hole, and I felt a little nudge in my heart that I should buy him a new pair of shoes . That nudge made me inwardly groan because Cliff made me feel uncomfortable and I didn't want to get involved or have a conversation with him. (I know...not very virtuous. But that's what I was thinking.) 

I dragged my feet for a few days, but every morning I noticed Cliff in the same pair of shoes with that same hole. I finally worked up the courage to ask the secretary what his name was and if she thought he would be ok with it if I bought him a pair of sneakers. She enthusiastically said he would be and introduced us so I could ask him what his shoe size was and his color preferences. Our conversation was quick, but he wasn't unkind. Then I stopped by the shoe store after work and brought him the new sneakers the very next morning.

After I gave him the shoes, everything changed. While he still walked quickly down the hall each morning, Cliff no longer kept his head down when he passed me. He always looked my way with a big smile and greeted me with, "Hi, Buddy!" I was no longer uncomfortable around Cliff now that I got to see this different side of him.  And we remained friends.

When covid hit in March of 2020, my grandfather's assisted living no longer allowed me to bring his pills in every day. When they finally started allowing adult visitors in July, residents weren't allowed to congregate in the common areas yet. My grandfather passed away that August, and that chapter of my life came to a close. 

I still think about the people that became friendly acquaintances for that season. I'm grateful that God gave me the opportunity to step out of my own comfort zone and do a small act of kindness for a stranger. Giving the gift of a pair of sneakers was so small compared to the gift of a different perspective that God gave to me. 

As we grow closer and closer to Christmas, my experience with Cliff makes me think of the innkeeper in Bethlehem on that long ago night. Amidst the hustle and bustle of trying to manage an overcrowded inn, a man and a woman ready to give birth appear on his doorstep seeking shelter. He could have just sent them away and let them find some other innkeeper that might be able to help. But he doesn't. Even though he can't offer them everything they need, the innkeeper offers them what he has; shelter in his stable. (See Luke 2:7)

My own life is also filled with hustle and bustle! It's easy to just try to get through our day jumping from task to task on my never ending to-do list. (And this time of year, that to-do list is extra never ending!)

When God knocks on the door of our hearts, it can be easy to push aside whatever task or interaction He's asking from us because we're just too busy to fit something else into our already over planned day. Or we miss it altogether because our ears have become hard of hearing to His gentle knock in our lives. His knock is drowned out completely by the noise of the world, and my over intense focus on my own plans. I can forget to leave room for His plans for me each day, especially in December, when list making, cleaning, baking, and shopping are in overdrive!

I want to grow in a way that I never miss one of God's knocks or nudges in my life.

I still think about the people from my grandfather's assisted living that became friends for that season. I'm grateful that God gave me the opportunity to step out of my own comfort zone and do a small act of kindness for a stranger. It has become a reminder of a time in my life that God knocked and I had the grace to answer. Giving the gift of a pair of sneakers was so small compared to the gift of a different perspective that God gave to me. 

No Batteries Required

We are on the cusp of one of the most challenging seasons of the year! As moms, we carry so much of the pressure to make magical holiday memories. There's a lot of list making, menu planning, grocery shopping, baking, cooking, gift buying and decorating that we will be managing until the end of the year. So, how can we create moments of delight while fostering peace, faith and all of the true meaning of the holiday season?

Focus, Pacing, and Heart Posture

I've been thinking about how to make peace and simplicity a focus of my own Advent this year. That doesn't mean I'm going to cut out all of my usual planning and traditions. I think it's more about my overall focus, pacing, and heart posture. 

What's our motivation behind all that we do to make Thanksgiving and Christmas special? The most important motivation for me is to show my family that I love them. And yet, I know there are moments in each holiday season when I lose sight of that, and my actions and reactions can make it seem that my to-do list is more important than the hearts I'm trying to serve well. When I allow overwhelm to run the show and become too rigid and try to white knuckle it through "my" plans instead of being flexible and accepting God's grace to pivot when things don't go as I had hoped. Age and experience has helped in my rigid hold on perfectionism, but it still trips me up from time to time. Especially during the holidays.

I'm noticing an internal desire growing inside of me to create space for quiet as part of my to do list for the season. Finding a less frenetic pace is also important to me. I want to avoid feeling like I'm in a constant state of overwhelm from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day! That constant adrenaline rush might help me get all those extra holiday tasks accomplished, but it leaves me exhausted, burned out, and joyless. I don't want to feel like I'm merely surviving or "getting through" the holidays. I want to be able to enter into them and extract any joy and grace that God wishes to give me in this particular year; the only year my children will be this particular age, and my grandchildren will be this particular age, and our parents are here celebrating with us. I want to remember that this time is a gift to unfold and unwrap even with all its imperfections. 

I'm thinking about all of our family traditions that create new memories while, at the same time, bring up past memories I want to savor. I find that as I get older, I'm spending more time reflecting on those memories and looking at them from a "grown-up" perspective. As a child, I was just excited to see my cousins and play whatever pretend game we came up with in the moment while sneaking black olives to put on our fingers. But now, I appreciate how much work my grandmother put into all those big holiday dinners so much more. I have a much better understanding how much time and love went into making a big meal, including the five different pies waiting in her sewing room for all of us to enjoy!

While Christmas gifts were always exciting, (and always hidden behind my grandfather's favorite chair where us kids were forbidden from peeking at until present time which was pure torture!), I can't recall any of the toys I received. ... even though I remember circling potential gifts in the Sear's catalog my Grandma handed me each Fall. The only gifts I actually remember specifically were the homemade slippers my grandma crocheted for each of us grandchildren and the footy pajamas she always gave us. I remember how we would change into them before we left her house on Christmas Eve and my dad would carry me and my sister to the car, (because our dress shoes wouldn't fit over the pj feet), and we would look at all the Christmas lights all the way home. 

I'm trying to remember that those are the memories that I've held onto after all these years as I create Christmas for my family this year. The impulse buys that overextend my budget and take away my peace aren't going to be what they remember. Stuff that overwhelms spaces isn't going to bring true joy. This is really hard for me because I really love to shop and I really love to give gifts! But this year, I am 100% dedicated to creating Christmas within our set budget. (Ok...if I'm honest I'm only 75% committed but I'm relying on God's grace to get me the rest of the way there! This is another way to turn away from my self-sufficient attempts to create the "perfect" Christmas on my own, and to strengthen my trust muscle and rely more into God's plan.)

I want my heart posture to mimic that of Mary as she travelled to Bethlehem carrying Jesus within her. Mary didn't have everything figured out, but she trusted. I can imagine the peace and the comfortable silence that filled large parts of the journey that must have been exhausting and uncomfortable for Mary.  But God provided, God was enough, and that first Christmas brought the greatest joy for Mary to savor. 

No batteries required. 

And in the spirit of sweet baby snuggles, I'm sharing a picture of our youngest granddaughter, Monica<3

Words and Mindset Matter

Words and mindset matter. 

That phrase might make a good t-shirt or mug, but it can also help to make a good life. What we think and our perspective can make a big difference when we face life struggles and decisions. 

I tend to be more prone to strive in life that to abide. I have a hard time with patience and trust...waiting for God, and truly believing that He will take care of me in the painful circumstances in my life, doesn't come naturally. I tend to do a good amount of doubting and second guessing: "What if God doesn't really hear me? Or doesn't have time for me? Maybe He already gave me a direction and I missed it?"

There was something that Sister Miriam James Heidland said in a recent Abiding Together Podcast (Season 17 Episode 2)  that has stuck in my head.  "The mystery is not something to be solved, but something to unfold."

This simple sentence gives me a whole different perspective. If I'm trying to "solve" a mystery, I'm actively working hard to figure it all out. My mind is constantly turning to think of different angles, causes, and outcomes. The mystery is taking up the majority of my time, energy and focus. Everyone and everything else around me is getting my scraps ... or being completely ignored. I can't ever turn off or truly rest until I figure it all out, or get to a point when I am so frustrated that I just give up altogether. 

But if I look at a mystery as Sister Miriam suggested, as something that needs to "unfold", then it gives me a completely different feeling internally. Letting something unfold does not depend all on me. Letting something unfold does not illicit a feeling of hurry or anxiety. Letting something unfold opens a sense of curiosity, watchful waiting, and hopeful expectancy. 

When I compare solving vs. unfolding, there's a clear winner for me. I'm all for less striving, more abiding and not feeling like everything depends on me. There's just one small problem. Letting life unfold requires two things that I'm not very good at. 

Why is it so hard to wait and to trust?!?

I mean, how will it unfold if I don't "help"? If I stop solving and striving, then I'm also giving up my illusion of control. The key word in that sentence is "illusion" because I was never really in control anyway. But I am really, really good at creating scenarios where I feel like I'm in control. 

What's behind this desire to hang on to imaginary control? For me, the driving emotion is fear. Fear of facing the reality that life might not turn out like I want it to. What if I can't help orchestrate the deep desires of my heart, or the desires of my child's heart or husband's heart or friend's heart? I could be disappointed or worse...devastated.

But the reality is that I was never in control. And I will never be in control. Holding onto the illusion of control is just me trying to self-protect. (Spoiler alert: self protection also doesn't really work. When we try to self protect, we actually cause more harm to ourselves. Our attempts to shelter us from emotional pain also blocks out joy and keeps us from living authentically.)

So what does work? And what do I gain if I wait for God and trust Him to unfold the mystery at the pace He wills?

One thing I gain is greater endurance and patience. Waiting for God to unfold the situations in my life are all opportunities to strengthen my "trust muscle". (And God is very generous at providing circumstances to practice trusting Him!)

I also grow in humility as I gain a deeper understanding of how little my worry, overthinking and micromanaging actually affects the outcomes of the "mysteries" in my life. Another thing that I gain is greater peace as God reminds me and teaches me that everything doesn't depend on me. My faith in God also grows. Everything always turns out better when I stop trying to do God's job, and let Him do all that He is able to do instead of getting in the way with my "helping". 

Maybe we can practice letting go of control and allowing God to unfold whatever "mysteries" we find ourselves facing in our lives this Fall, while focusing on having a sense of curiosity, watchful waiting, and hopeful expectancy. I'm going to give it a try!!

And just for fun, here's a cute pic of my granddaughter, Claire!
I just love her dimples and her little ponytails!

Seven Things We Can Learn From Our Lady of Sorrows

Our Lady of Sorrows has become a special devotion in my life. The feast day of Our Lady of Sorrows is September 15th, and I wanted to honor her with a blogpost. There's SO much to say about the depth of suffering that Mary endured while living her continual fiat to God's will for her and for her beloved Son. I want to share some things that I've learned from Mary's Seven Sorrows.

1. Prophecy of Simeon

Pictures of Our Lady of Sorrows show the seven swords that pierced her heart over Jesus' lifetime. The first of those swords came from the prophecy of Simeon, who tells Mary that her beloved infant will suffer and that her own heart will be pierced. Despite the fear and sorrow that Mary must have felt in that moment, she leaned into God and trusted. 

We've all had moments when circumstances in life inject fear deep into our heart and we have the choice to turn to God or to self-protect and turn to our own "isms" to try and cope. (i.e. food, alcohol, scrolling, etc.) Unfortunately, I seem to be better at choosing the second option. But through Mary's example and God's grace I'm learning to trust God more and turn to Him first, or at least more quickly, when life sends those zingers that hurt my heart.

2. Flight Into Egypt

Mary left everything at a moment's notice after Joseph's dream that sent them fleeing to Egypt to save Jesus from Herod's wrath. I can imagine the fear and the deep loss they felt as The Holy Family left everything they knew and everything familiar. But Mary still trusted and continued to step out in faith, even as her life took an unchosen and unexpected path. 

We can turn to her for consolation and to follow her example of having to create a life with less than ideal circumstances. Whether it's a move, a loss, a diagnosis, or some kind of trauma that leaves us in unfamiliar territory trying to piece together and create a "new normal", Mary understands when situations in our own life place us on a journey that we would not have chosen.

3. Loss of the Child Jesus in the Temple

Mary's faith and calm in the midst of fear is an amazing example for us. Diligently searching for Jesus and filled with worry, Mary still leans into God. And when she finally finds Jesus, Mary is honest about her feelings without any emotional fit.(I can say with certainty that my reaction would have come with a side of "freak out".) But Mary brings everything to God and "kept all these things in her heart."(See Luke 2:51) That's what she encourages us to do. In hard moments we are meant to pour out all of our big emotions to God so that He can help us to see His perspective so that we can react in patience and love. 

4. Meeting Jesus on the Road to Calvary

Mary teaches us to accompany those we love when they carry heavy crosses. Even though we can't take away their suffering, our prayerful presence can be the encouragement and comfort they so desperately need. Feeling as if we suffer alone makes any burden so much heavier. Maybe you can recall a time in your own life when a particular trial was lightened, even a small way, through another person's thoughtful words or a kind gesture? I know that I can. And while their action didn't take away all my pain, it did lessen the weight on my heart and let a little light shine into the darkness I was going through.

5. The Crucifixion

Mary gives us an example of unwavering faith as she stood at the foot of Jesus’ cross and watched her Son’s crucifixion. Mary did not despair, but continued to trust in God through her pain and tears. She held firm to God and His promise that He would never leave us or forsake us even when the circumstances she was facing could have convinced her otherwise.

We are given the gift of Mary's unwavering faith when we cling to God in tragic circumstances of this fallen world. When our lives fall apart, all we feel is darkness and brokenness, and yet we lean into God. Just like Mary. 

6. Jesus is Taken Down From the Cross and Laid in Mary's Arms

In the midst of intense loss, Mary's eyes were only on her Son. Mary did not try to bury her pain or distract herself from the pain by railing at the soldiers or the crowd that desired her Son's death.  Mary stayed in the moment and allowed herself to feel the deep grief piercing her heart. She continued to lay her heart before God and pour out all of her brokenness for Him to hold. 

Mary reminds us that in times of great sadness and grief, it's important to pour our own hearts out to God. We aren't meant to stuff or ignore or rush through our hard feelings. 

7. Jesus is Laid in the Tomb

This is my favorite Sorrow, although "favorite" seems like the wrong word to use when talking about Mary's deepest pain and suffering. But it's this Sorrow that gives me the greatest hope to cling to when I'm carrying unresolved brokenness and grief, because Mary never gave up hope as she walked away from the tomb. Despite the way it looked, the story didn't end when the stone was rolled in front of the tomb.

There was more.

There's always more. Even when we don't really believe it. Even when all we see before us is an ocean of brokenness and all we feel is pain and grief. That's not the end of our story. God is still working. He has a plan and His plan is good.

I pray that Mary keeps each and every one of us wrapped in her mantle, especially in times of suffering. Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us!

(This post first appeared on Catholicmom.com:)

This is one of my favorite pics of OLOS. You can find it on Etsy at Sanctified Souls!

P.S. I was on a podcast!!!! It was such a fun experience to be a guest on the Mourning Glory Podcast! We had a great conversation about Our Lady of Sorrows. Here's the link so you can take a listen!

Mourning Glory Podcast: Our Lady of Sorrows

Having Hands and Hearts Wide Open

As soon as the calendar turns from July to August, there's an ache I try to ignore. Because every August I go through a cycle of grief and loss. As the days of August slip by, seeming to gain momentum even as I try my hardest to slow down and hold on tight to summer days, the first day of school looms closer and closer on the calendar for those of us in the Northeast. 

I start to become more reflective, looking back over the summer months that always seem like an almost endless amount of time when school vacation starts in June but always goes by way too quickly. I think of all of my summer goals that I hoped to accomplish, many that still stare back at me from my to-do list. I question whether I loved enough, was present enough, or had a good balance of activities making fun memories and time to "just be". Did I do a good enough job helping my kids to "live life" detached from technology? Did I use the time that I was given well enough?

There Is No Perfection In Motherhood

The reality is that, just like every summer, there are times when I lived up to the hopes and expectations that I set for myself and times when I fell short. There is no perfection in motherhood! There is only the opportunity to wake up each day and try to live in the moment, love my kids as best I can, and trust that God will make up any difference between what they truly need and what I'm able to give them.

New Routines and New Graces

Surrendering to the change of routine and accepting the end of those special summer moments can be hard. There is an element of relief to get back into a steady routine ... and for some moms there may be downright giddiness for kids to be back in school!

Wherever we find ourselves on the barometer of feelings, change is here. And for all of us, there is Grace to navigate these new routines and expectations. Even though I can't grasp and hold onto summer, I can hold fast to the truth that God is always with me and that, as it says in Lamentations 3:22-23,

His "acts of mercy are not exhausted, his compassion is not spent, 

They are renewed each morning - great is your faithfulness!

New graces every morning make me feel hope for the coming months. And speaking of hope, I remembered something this week! Even though I'm grieving the end of the slower paced days of summer and surrendering to time moving forward in the lives of my last two children still in school, one thing that hasn't ended yet is the Jubilee Year of Hope. I can look to this next season to watch for the special graces that God still has planned for me and for my family and friends.

That feels like a consolation to me. It's a reminder to me that God is still working, that He still has plans for me and that those plans are good.(see Jeremiah 29:11) And that's especially true in this Jubilee Year. I so want to be open to each and every grace that God might desire to pour into me. I long for Him to fill all of the places where I feel so inadequate, that are in darkness, or that are broken. For God to fill every part of me where I long to have His merciful love pour into and bring wholeness and healing so that I can be a better wife, mother, grammy, daughter, sister and friend. Graces for clarity and direction to fulfill whatever His plans are for me in this next season of my life. 

And while I will certainly allow myself moments to feel and process the sadness and the bittersweet passing of time, I choose not to get stuck there. The posture I want to have is one of gratitude for the summer memories, mercy for the times I failed to live up to my expectations, and hope for what God will reveal as August turns into September and beyond.

I hope that we can all stand with our hands and hearts wide open for whatever blessings God has prepared for us this Fall!

A pic from our short Maine summer getaway