Several weeks ago I pulled into the parking lot of one of our local grocery stores and noticed my daughter-in-law, Marisa, getting out of her minivan. When I got out of my car, my twin three year old grandsons walked beside her. When Ambrose and Leo saw me, their faces lit up, (which warmed my "Grammy heart"), and they rushed over for hugs. Ambrose, thinking I had already done my shopping said excitedly, "Grammy, what treat did you get me?!?"
I love that Ambrose assumed I had thought of him in the grocery store and looked forward to whatever "treat" I had placed in my cart that week.
Pouring Out Our Mama Hearts
As a mom, I pour so much of myself into my kids, (and grandkids). From favorite snacks at the grocery store, seeing something one of them might like at the mall, or making them a favorite recipe when they are having a bad day, I'm almost always thinking about them and trying to show my love to them.
Despite pouring out my heart each day, it often feels like it's not enough. As summer wraps up for us here in the Northeast, I find myself analyzing the past couple of months that always go by way too fast. I find myself questioning if I did enough this summer. Did we spend enough time with them? Did I plan enough to make some good memories? Did I waste too much time? Did I make enough family time and opportunities for connection before they start another school year, when many of their hours will be spent away from home and each other?
Even Good Change is Hard
August is so bittersweet for me. I want to savor every moment of summer with my kids, but the beginning of fall sports and the first day looming at the end of August forces me to address those back to school lists and new sneaker needs way before I'm ready to! There's a grieving that happens as we head to a new school year. By the time next summer rolls around our kids will be a year older and have grown to a new level, both physically and emotionally. The end of summer highlights how fast time goes by as our kids grow and change more and more each year. And while change certainly isn't all bad...there are definitely some early stages of parenting that I don't miss now that my "baby" is twelve...change can still be hard.
Though I'm tempted to live in my own head, wrapped in my worries and 'mom guilt', I realize that would be the biggest waste of time. As much as I dread having to address my kids' upcoming school year needs, I know that not waiting until the last minute and adding extra stress to my 'end of summer' grief is my next best step. Taking pockets of time to handle the necessary evil planning will allow me to enjoy the summer we have left more fully.
Staying in the Present Moment
While not avoiding the necessary preparation that will help me manage the back to school stress, I also need to focus on living in the present moment. I need to soak up each and every waning moment of summer, being grateful for all of them, whether they were extraordinary or merely mundane. Because even in the moments of sitting in the AC on a blistering, humid day while we each read a good book or work on a crafting project is meaningful. Family time and rest can happen in many different ways.
Instead of focusing on the days I have left, I'm trying to lean into God's grace and to be grateful for all of the slower speed summer days that have been so necessary for my heart. I also need to trust that, in any ways that I fell short this summer in regards to my kids or my own expectations, that God will make up the difference.
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| Sweet baby Charlie enjoying the beach! |
