Welcome to January

Blog wise I feel like I fell off the face of the earth....

....but I haven't!

I've just been completely wrapped up, (and occasionally overwhelmed), at having a full house, working through my grandmother's death, all the holiday prep, dealing with the stomach bug that continues to go through our house every few days, and then the actual holidays themselves.  Oh, and now it's a new year and I haven't really had the chance to reflect on the old one or consider my own personal focus and goals for 2014.

Yeah...it's definitely been a little overwhelming.

Not all overwhelming, though!  There have been some really nice moments, too.  There is just a lot to process and no time to actually spend processing.

Ever feel like that!?!  I know most moms do after a vacation!  (or at the end of every day!)

Today, most of my kiddos are back at school.  Except the college boys who have 3 more weeks off....and Jon who is still recovering from the stomach bug he started with on New Year's Eve!  (More on that later, but it changed our plans of 20+ extra people in our house...not including us....to 'just us' in the blink of an eye late that afternoon!)

I need hours,and more realistically days, to reorganize after the post Christmas chaos.  I will start it today, but with an impending snow storm tomorrow and the likelihood that everyone will be home again....and the dread that I will have to drag out all of the snow clothes(!!!!)...I'm not sure how successful I will be.

As usual, the phrase 'a day late and a dollar short' sounds like my life motto!  As I attempt to settle back into some kind of normal routine, I will be catching up, (probably slowly), with everything I've fallen behind on!  (Either that or I will just give up all together and just move!  Honestly, that sounds like a better options right now!  I have dreams of building a house with lots and lots of closets....)

Stay tuned for some cute pics, silly stories, and all the other chaos that happens around here on a daily basis!

Happy New Year:)

Family Time!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and is continuing to enjoy the Christmas season!

Our Christmas was really nice.  I still haven't uploaded the photos and, despite multiple efforts, am still trying to organize our post Christmas house!

Jay was able to take Thursday and Friday off, so we have had a lot of fun just being present to the kids.
There has been lots of play time around here:)  After all, memories are way more important than to-do lists!

So, since I'm still not ready to share our Christmas photos......I will share some fun pics that Jay and I took yesterday during some of our family time.

Jay was giving piggie back rides, which Kate shortened to 'piggy ride' and expected Jay to snort!
It's probably because they love the show Peppa Pig so much!  No matter how much Jay tried to
convince them it was a 'horsey ride', they weren't having it!
(of course, I teased Jay that maybe they called it a 'piggy ride' because of all the tiramisu trifle he has been eating........;)

Kate was barely awake from her nap but ready to play!

Annoying Sarah...getting Sarah involved.(Look at Luke's glee in the background!)

Here's a smile!

They were hunting for T-Rex's with drills made of tinker toys!
The hats were their 'helmets'.

Here's my vote for Father of the Year!(Kate agrees:)

The Weekend Whirlwind!

What a whirlwind of a weekend!  We have celebrated, mourned, celebrated, mourned, and then celebrated again!

My Grandma passed away on Friday morning and it has just been a crazy time!

Friday night was the Christmas concert at Ellie's school and a little Christmas concert.  Ellie had the honor of being chosen to be Mary and was super excited!

Months ago, my Dad's family had picked Saturday to be the day we would have our family Christmas party.  We never realized that it would be the first without my grandmother.  Despite everyone's grief, my grandmother's wish was that the whole family stay close together even after she was gone.  Everyone felt like having the get together would be a special way to honor her memory.

We hosted the party.  It was good to spend time together.  The little kids were all cute and excited and were a good distraction.  There were more smiles than tears.....but Grandma's presence was missed.

Sunday was a whirlwind that started with Mass, then Kate's birthday party at lunch time.  It was supposed to be last weekend, but the stomach bug forced me to push it to this weekend.  I didn't want to move it until after Christmas!  I wanted Kate to feel special....even though I know she probably won't remember this birthday party!

I kept the party simple....just pizza and the awesome cake that Jay's mom made!  It had 'Bot' from Kate's favorite show, "Umizoomi".

Kate loved her cake!

So did her brother and cousins!

She loved all her presents, too!

We had a tiny bit of down time and then Jay and I headed to my Grandma's wake with the older kids.  It went really well.  We went out for dinner with my family afterwards and got home at 9:30.  We.were.tired!

This morning we were up early to get ready for the funeral.  It also went really well!  The Mass was beautiful and our pastor gave a wonderful homily.  The dinner afterwards was good, too.  I want to share more about it...just not today.  

I think Grandma was smiling, though!

Now, it is Christmas Eve Eve and I'm having a hard time switching the gears to get ready for Christmas.  It's all a bit overwhelming.....understandably so!  I know it will all work out.  The only thing that really matters is that we are all together.

With everything going on, today will be my last blog post before Christmas.  I hope you have a beautiful and blessed and peaceful Christmas with your families.  Losing my Grandma so close to Christmas, I know that I will cherish and appreciate our family time even more than I usually do!  These are the memories that make up who our families are......even the moments of spilled drinks, burned cookies, and meltdowns from over tired and sugared up toddlers.  Those can be just as memorable as the excited smiles, hugs and cheesecake!

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Memories

Thank-you for the prayers.  Early this morning my grandma passed away peacefully in her sleep just as she prayed she would.  The last few weeks have been sad but beautiful all at the same time.  I would like to share more of that journey soon.

For today's quick takes, I would like to share some of my fondest memories to honor my grandmother.

(sorry, it might be more than 7 today!)

What I will always be most grateful about my life with my grandma is:

1.  Sunday dinners
My grandmother always cooked enough for a small army.  Her food was always homey, comforting and delicious.

2.  Endless supplies of hoodsie cups in the freezer 
I buy Hood patchwork ice cream all the time because it reminds me of her!

3.  Family Time

Clamboils with fresh cold watermelon in the back yard.

4.  Cousin Fun

Playing "store" with my cousins in their basement with the extra canned goods.

5.  Periwinkles

Gathering periwinkles on West Island and then my grandmother cooking them and eating them using pins with my cousins(sounds gross now!)

6+  Holidays at my Grandparents' House
There are lots of special memories from Christmas Eves and Easter Sunday.  Some of the highlights:

Playing with olives on my fingers with my sister and cousins......
Lots of pies in the sewing room....
The way my grandmother washed the dishes and all her daughters and my mom would dry and put away and chat as they went...
Homemade sweet breads on Easter for everyone(big ones for the adults and little ones for each of the grandkids)....

and my favorite,
Always having new knitted slippers from Grandma and new pajamas on Christmas Eve and all of the cousins changing before we left for home and being carried out to the car so our slippers wouldn't get wet....then looking at all the Christmas lights on the 15 minute drive home.

Lots and lots of memories...lots of celebrations.  I was blessed to have her in my life for as long as I did.  I am so grateful to God for that!

Guess Who's Two!

I cannot believe that my baby girl is 2!  How could this possibly happen!  This mini walking talking little person is all toddler....no more baby!

It's exciting and sad all at the same time!

Kate was a not so little bundle( 9lbs. 1oz) of surprise that made her grand entrance into the world at 2:35 pm two years ago today.  We were thrilled to have another baby girl in the family!

My baby girl is growing up way too fast!  It seems like just yesterday we said 'hello' for the first time....

This is my favorite shot ever!  I took it with my phone so it isn't as clear as I would have liked.  She was about 7 hours old and it was just the two of us hanging together in the hospital.  Kate was wide awake for the first time just calmly checking me out....we were getting to know each other on the outside world.  My heart completely melted that night and has been that way ever since!

I can't imagine our lives without Kate.  Having a toddler and a newborn again for the first time in a long time wasn't easy...but all the sacrifices were completely worth it!

Kate is a strong-willed little girl that follows Luke around doing everything he does.  She talks up a storm and lets you know right away what she likes and, especially, what she doesn't like.

Kate is still very attached to me...which can drive the other people in the house crazy!  (I will have to remember that when she's a teenager and probably wants nothing to do with me!)

Even though I've been through it so many times, it still surprises me how fast the baby years go by!  Kate has gotten so independent so fast!  Sigh....

This little blue eyed girl is very, very loved!

Happy Birthday, Kate!

...please don't grow up too fast!

What Grandparents Teach

I'm finding that I am looking at things with a whole different perspective as I experience the walk on this road of my grandmother's terminal illness.  Grieving can be a difficult process.  There are times when days feel normal and everything's ok and other days that crescendo into an emotional whirlwind that seem impossible to calm.  (I learned that big word....crescendo...from Little Einsteins in case you were wondering;)

My Grandma's illness has brought up so many different thoughts and emotions.  There are lots of times that I find myself thinking of the past.  All the memories from my childhood, and especially holiday celebrations at my grandparents' house, transport me there in my mind once again.  Those memories are warm and comforting and I am grateful for every one of them.

When my mind is in the present and processing through her illness, the grief is strong for the loss that I know is coming.  Every family member has a place in my life and having that place empty is going to hurt.  Family dynamics will change.  My grandmother was the magnet that drew everyone together.  With her gone, each of her children, all with their own families, will not have that unifying factor any longer.  Get togethers will change...and change is hard.

I think the most difficult thought process that I have been trying to work through is the future.  When someone dies, it reminds me of my own mortality.  I've already been struggling with this being on the brink of the big 4-0....and now it is magnified even more.

Up until 2 or 3 years ago, age just felt like a number that could go on forever.  It was just a number.  As 40 gets closer and closer....it doesn't feel like 'just a number' anymore.  All of a sudden, the invincibility has gone away and vulnerability has taken up residence.  As I near 40, the realization that everything has a ceiling is more than a little scary.  There is an end....and 40 can very well be, (if I am blessed), close to a halfway point!

The feelings and thoughts I had when I was younger of being able to do just about anything is abruptly replaced with the knowledge that those ideas are no longer true.  The choice path is more narrow.....although that doesn't mean my life isn't full.

(I'm sorry...I know this is probably completely confusing!  That's what happens when emotions rule the roost!)

Let's try an example.....in Christmases past, I would go a little crazy with desserts.  I would make 2 cheesecakes, a couple of pies, some fudge and many different kinds of cookies.  Lots of choices!

Now, I simplify  a bit and only do 1 cheesecake, 1 pie, a trifle, some cookies, and a gluten free dessert.  Still more than enough to satisfy and look exciting so I don't even miss making more!(and I get to enjoy the extra down time!)

That's where I'm at in life, too.  I may have less choices, but everything I do have in my life fills me up just the same!  And, just like on Christmas when my sister often shows up with an incredible addition to the dessert table, God frequently throws in something interesting and exciting in my life!  (My life is certainly not boring!)

My Grandma's illness has made me feel, not only the grief of preparing to lose her presence in my earthly life, but also the other areas that I feel loss in my life:  grief over a family member's broken marriage, the grief over loving our son through a broken relationship, praying another son through frustration and unmet longing, and dealing with my own grief about children growing up and learning the painful process of letting go.

Looking forward, considering that one day I will be in my Grandma's position of preparing to meet our Lord at any moment, is making me think about how I might want that to look.  I don't want to get there and have a list full of regrets.    I'm pretty sure there's a lesson or a direction that God is trying to teach me and guide me into.  This is something that's going to take more time, and lots of prayer, to work through.

All of my (messy and confusing) thoughts and feelings is just another proof that grandparents have so much to teach us....even up to their very last day!  

Weekend Wrap Up

It was a busy weekend with lots of different things going on.  On Saturday morning, I put ribbons and bows on all the Christmas gifts.  I'm no Martha Stuart(!), but even simple ribbons and store made bows make presents a little extra special!

Jay finished painting the cabinets(hooray!) and rehung the doors!  Now we just have to put up the backsplash and then I will share pictures:)

Thanks to my sister-in-law and Sarah, Jay and I both got to go to Jon's first basketball game of his senior year.  It was a date afternoon!  It got even better when 2 of our closest friends were at the game, too, so they could watch their daughter cheer......double date afternoon!

(Can you tell we don't get out much?)

Sunday was a tough day.  Sarah had something going on with CCD that Jay needed to go to with her.  We had to split Masses and then Jay was gone until 1:30.  I was pretty emotional all day because my grandmother is in her final days.  It's stirred up a whole lot of messy emotions that I will share soon in a separate post.

After watching the Patriots lose (boo), Jay and the girls did some Christmas shopping.  They didn't get home too late, and Jay and I spent the rest of the night watching movies on the Hallmark Channel. (Which is very cathartic when you are feeling sad.)

Yesterday, I went to visit my grandmother.  It was sad...but gave me a lot of peace.  I will share more details later in the week.

Yesterday afternoon, I went Christmas shopping with my sister and dad for my mom.  It was a full day!  When I got home, I was a lump on the couch!(And, yes, Jay and I watched more Hallmark movies:)

Today is a new day!  Off to work then lots of laundry and paperwork to catch on...so exciting!;)  This week is B.U.S.Y.(!) and is going to fly by!