The "Trying Threes"

Three is not my favorite age.

With all eight of my children, I always found their three year old year to be the most challenging. The cute toddler often morphed into moments of being a tiny tyrant once they were three. There's a willfulness that emerges and three year olds aren't as easily redirected. When they want something ...or don't want something... you're going to know about it and they don't give up as easily as they used to. There's lots of silliness that's harder to distract them from, and they easily pick up bad habits from other young kiddos that drive their parents, (and grandparents!) crazy.

In the Trenches

Two of my sons and their wives are experiencing this phase of childhood. One son has a three year old boy and the other has three year old twin boys. Parenting one three year old has challenging moments. When the twin three year olds are having challenging moments it feels like I'm a referee with a broken whistle at the WWE wrestling match! Sometimes it's only one of the twins that is testing and pushing limits but, quite often, the other starts to mimic the negative behavior and it's a two on one moment of extreme silliness where they've lost the ability to listen to Grammy's demands to cease and desist.

My three big boys hard at work making memories (and messes!) with Grammy:)

Nothing Lasts Forever

Despite how hard it can be to have two kids in the same difficult stage at once, I do have the experience to know that even the hardest stages don't last forever. I watch the twins and their almost 18 month old brother three days a week. The twins turn four next month, and I'm praying that some of the challenges we've had in the last several months will be extinguished with the Paw Patrol candles they blow out at their birthday party. 

My son has joked a few times with me lately, "Mom, think how easy it will be when the twins are in preschool next year and you only have one to watch." And while that certainly will be easier, I don't want to wish this moment away with the twins either.

I know that there is joy to be had even in the difficult stage. And while it's easy to allow the negatives to build up and slip into a posture of "white knuckling" until things get easier, that kind of thinking keeps me from being present in the moment and robs me of any good happening in the 'right now'. Early childhood is a really special time of development. Never again do you have the same amount of time with your children or grandchildren once they start school. Everything changes - and that's exciting and sad all at the same time.

Knowing that my time with the boys is dwindling gives me the encouragement to work through the moments when they push and challenge me so that we can get back to an atmosphere of, well, more 'normal chaos', so that I can love on them and enjoy them. I want to be able to stop and savor the moments with the three year olds when Leo asks me to sit and snuggle with him, or Ambrose excitedly wants to show me the block tower that he's built, or Xavier wants to tell me the "joke" he's come up with all on his own. These moments are fleeting and I don't want to miss out on them; even on the days that it's a see-saw of time-outs, redirection, and starting over dozens of times.

Living through the "Trying Threes" definitely makes me lean into God many times a day. Short prayers begging for patience slide through my lips just as frequently as "Do you have to go potty?" and "We need to keep our hands to ourselves!". There are days that the boys leave my house and I'm feeling grateful and have peace (and am also in desperate need of a nap!) But on the harder days, I feel very inadequate and question if someone else could be doing a better job with them and that I'm failing at being a grammy. Those feelings aren't all that different from the times that I have felt/still feel inadequate and that I'm failing as a mom. I don't think that I expected that fear of failure and not being enough to travel with me to this next generation. Yet, here it is.

Thankfully there's something else that followed me into life with a new generation: faith. In a lot of ways, praise God, it's much stronger than in my early years of motherhood. And while there's still lots of room to grow, loving and living life with these little ones gives me lots of opportunities to turn to God, admit my poverty, and ask for His grace to pour into me so I can pour into all those He has entrusted to me. 

"The Lord's acts of mercies are not exhausted, his compassion is not spent:

they are new every morning - great is your faithfulness."(Lamentations 3:22-23)

Life With (Yet Another) Teenager

My youngest officially entered into the teenage years in December. I've experienced seven other children enter the teenage years and lived to tell about it! And while each experiences has been different, I have to say that this time around I've noticed that the popular slang seems much more prevalent. (And confusing!)

There's just so much of it! I feel like slang in the more recent past consisted of a few words here or there. But sometimes it feels like Gen Z is creating a whole new language! And while occasionally it's fun to tease my two teenagers by using their slang poorly, most of the time it just leaves me shaking my head!!

My daughter kindly created this slang "cheat sheet" for Me:

Joy and Sorrow

The pre-teen and teenage years can be overwhelming for parents. Even Mary and Joseph had a moment in Jesus' adolescence that brought them pain and confusion. 

"Each year his parents went to Jerusalem for the feast of Passover, and when he was twelve years old, they went up according to festival custom. After they had completed its days, as they were returning, the boy Jesus remained behind in Jerusalem, but his parents did not know it. Thinking that he was in the caravan, they journeyed for a day and looked for him among their relatives and acquaintances, but not finding him, they returned to Jerusalem to look for him. After three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions, and all who heard him were astounded at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him, they were astonished, and his mother said to him, "Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety." And he said to them, "Why were you looking for ? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?" But they did not understand what he said to them. He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart. And Jesus advanced in wisdom and age favor before God and man." (Luke 2:41-52)

The Finding in the Temple is the Fifth Joyful Mystery of the Rosary. But this event, Losing the Child Jesus in the Temple, is also the Third of Mary's Seven Sorrows. And if there's anything that defines the teenage years, it's a mix of joy and sorrow. 

As your child grows and changes into a teenager and young adult it creates new ways to communicate and spend time together. (At least it can be when they answer our questions about their day with more than the word "fine" and aren't hibernating in their room!) And while there is joy to see our children become the men and women God created them to be, there is also sadness in the long, hard process of letting go. 

I've been thinking about Mary's Third Sorrow quite a bit in the last couple of months. The trip to the temple that year marked a turning point in Mary's mothering and her relationship with her Son. Mary obviously wasn't expecting Jesus to stay behind in Jerusalem. Mary and Joseph looked for Jesus with "great anxiety". Even Jesus' answer to them wasn't what they expected. Mary and Joseph were being grown and stretched by Jesus’ growth and change. Though he returned home with them, something was different. The loss of Jesus in the temple reminded Mary and Joseph of the reality of Jesus' mission. And while Mary knew how to live perfectly in the present moment loving and caring for her Son, the sorrow of knowing that Jesus' mission would eventually lead to her losing His constant physical presence and bring her closer to Simeon's prophecy of a "sword piercing her heart" was also present.  

That happens to us too. Our relationship with our preteen and teenage children shifts along with their growth spurts and hormones. Sometimes it feels that our sweet, loving children turn into teenagers overnight. Frequent snuggles, reading books together, and them wanting to be in our presence with our full attention that is the reality of our everyday life for years becomes a rare occurrence. Our child's reaction to us starts to change and it isn't what we have come to expect. As parents, we are grown and stretched by our children's growth and change. 

And Mary shows us how to work through that as a mother. Mary shows us how to ponder changes and difficult moments by prayerfully reflecting instead of reacting. Through joys and sorrows, Mary shows us how to accept God's Will in her life even when it's unexpected and difficult.  She teaches us how to  surrender each situation and trust God all while keeping her heart open to the unknown. Mary lives each moment fully alive.

I hope to learn from Mary's example as I journey through the joys and challenges as the mom of a teenager one last time.