Finding Rest

I am blessed to belong to a Parish that has almost perpetual adoration. On Saturday mornings at 8am I have a scheduled hour. Every week, no matter how well I try to manage my time, I always end up running behind. I'm often hurrying up the church steps as the clock is chiming loudly, trying to make it to the top before it strikes the 8th ring. I feel like a backwards Cinderella every time it happens...she was running down the steps away from the prince while I'm running up the steps headed towards the King of Kings.

There's another area of life that makes me think of Cinderella. Remember the scene in the movie when all Cinderella wants to do is go to the ball? Her evil stepmother tells Cinderella that she can go but cunningly gives her a stipulation; only if your work is done and you have a proper dress to wear. The evil stepmother loads up Cinderella's to-do list to make it impossible for her to complete it all and alter her mother's old dress to be ready for the ball.

While I certainly don't have an evil stepmother or a fancy ball to attend, I often have an impossible to-do list. It's very easy for me to live unspoken stipulations that I have set for myself: "You can only have fun or relax once you get through this list." While on the surface that kind of thinking may sound like a way to create order and discipline in a busy, messy life, the reality is that it's the short cut to burnout. 

As a mom, my to-do list is never really done. As quickly as I cross off one item from my list I find a couple more things that need attention. I'm sure you already know this, but kids are messy! They create dirty dishes and dirty laundry at an astonishing rate! And spoiler alert for moms not at this stage yet...grandchildren are messy too! 

So how do we have a more healthy, balanced mindset when it comes to everything we feel that we need to accomplish without treating ourselves like the evil stepmother treated Cinderella? I think the first step is recognizing our inner thoughts and the way we talk to ourselves in our head. (Or sometimes out loud when we think no one else is around!) If I'm being honest, I don't treat myself very well most days. I can be a harsh taskmaster. I have a hard time relaxing when a lot of items on my list remain undone. Even when I do finally sit down at the end of the day, I find myself feeling lazy, incompetent and undeserving of rest. 

"Come to me, all who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon me and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; 

and you will find rest for yourself." Mt 11:28-29

This was the gospel at a recent weekend Mass and it always touches my heart. Why? Because I'm a mom (and a Grammy) always trying to make sure everyone feels loved and is fed well with a (somewhat) clean living environment. Most of the time, I feel like I'm not enough and I will never meet everyone's needs even at the expense of frequently ignoring the fact that I have needs of my own. There's a lot of "I's" in that sentence...and that's the whole problem.

"I'm" not supposed to be the one doing it all. Regardless of how I feel, it doesn't all depend on me. When I'm feeling like I'm carrying the weight of my little world on my shoulders, it's because I'm trying to do God's job. That's an impossible notion! Yet, my self reliance and pride seem to guide me down that wrong path more often than I would like to admit. My internal GPS needs some recalculating!

Jesus says "come to me" and "learn from me". He doesn't expect or want me to do everything on my own. He wants to help carry my burdens. He wants me to surrender my to do list to His will. Jesus wants me to learn how to live from Him. What does He teach us through His word and His saints? He shows us the importance of times of work, times of prayer, times of camaraderie, and times of rest. We need His truth... not the "truth" we create in our own heads!

The truth is that we are loved and worthy without our list, without our perfectly clean home, without our perfectly altered ball gowns. Cinderella was meant for the prince even when she was in rags. and we are always claimed by our King regardless of the tasks left on our to do list. We cheat ourselves out of a deeper relationship with God and truly becoming who we are meant to be because we let other distractions that seem to give us order and control in life get in the way. 

Try to spend a few minutes at some point today contemplating those areas where you feel overwhelmed. Are you bringing those areas to God and asking Him to guide you and help you carry the heavy load? Or are you white knuckling your way through, and losing a part of yourself in the process? Let's try to be open to the changes God might be asking from us. It's not easy, but remember His promise in Matthew:

"I will give you rest."

Kate from 2019...I miss when she liked to dress like a princess!