Have you ever noticed that when you're waiting on direction from God, His GPS often leads us onto out of the way roads, up and down hills, and to places that seem like "you have arrived" only to realize it was only a short side trip?
Yeah, me too!
In the past,(and sometimes the very not so distant past!), I have been known to take that first step of God's direction very well....and then I assume I know exactly where I'm going, shut off God's GPS, and just drive.
As you can imagine, it never ends all that well.
Now that I'm a little "older" and have misused God's GPS time and time(and time and time and time...well, you get the picture!) again, I have finally started to try and pay attention to ALL of His directions in regards to whatever topic I'm seeking His guidance on at the moment. Regardless of how His plans align with my plans, (umm..almost never!), I try very hard to stay patient and wait for the next "turn right here" to come to the screen of my heart. Then there's the "issue" of timing. I try, often unsuccessfully, to not complain about how.very.long this trip seems to be taking! Being patient and trusting in God's timing is so not easy sometimes!
I read those stories about the Israelites wandering around in the desert and, as much as I want to believe otherwise, that totally would have been me! I would have been complaining and whining through the wilderness despite seeing so many amazing miracles that God worked!
I know in my head and heart that waiting on God and following His plans will work out so much better for me. Since I've had so many experiences in the past testing out this theory in a negative way, I'm much better at recognizing an opportunity to be patient and trust in God's timing in my life. It's still really hard! I still tend to be a "see a problem, make a plan, fix the problem as quickly as possible" kind of person. As I said before, God's timing generally looks a lot different than mine!
I've had too many "Hagar moments" in my life. What does that mean? Remember the story of Abraham and Sarah? While Abraham was still Abram and his wife was still Sarai, God made a covenant with him and promised that he would have a son and his descendants would be like the stars in the sky.(Genesis 15; 4-5) Abram and Sarai were pretty old. And Sarai didn't conceive right away after God gave Abram the promise. So Sarai decided to "help" God with His timing. Sarai gave her maid, Hagar, to Abram thinking this would be the way he would get a son. And while Hagar did bear Abram's son, Ishmael, that was not God's plan and caused a whole lot of stress and hurt.(see Genesis 16-18)
So a "Hagar Moment" is when I try and "help" God with His timing in something in my life...or those close to me...when God has shown me the first couple directions(or maybe even just one direction!) on a path He wants me to take. And just like the story of Hagar, it ends up causing a whole lot of stress and hurt that I could have saved myself from if I had only remained patient and waited for God's next direction instead of trying to figure it out on my own.
Let's just say I've been a slow learner!
But I am determined to do better! I now recognize God's GPS a little more clearly. And God has used all my mistakes to teach me more about patience and fortitude. When I'm tempted to try and find a short cut, I remind myself that things never work to my advantage when I try to blaze the trail and I keep returning my gaze to God and renew my desire to wait on Him...and pray for the grace of patience in the waiting!
Currently, I'm avoiding Hagar moments in my search for direction in my new season of life as a mom of school age children and young adults who are becoming independent human beings. My kids need me in different ways now than they used to. There is a lot of joy in this new stage of life. With two engaged sons we have the exciting times of wedding planning and future grandchildren to occupy our thoughts. Since our youngest kids are 7 and 9, everyone is much more independent with self care. We have been diaper free for quite a while. I would like to say I sleep through the night, but Luke tends to have nightmares(#overactive imagination) so I still find myself woken up most nights of the week!(but that's still much different than all nighters with newborns!)
I've actually been in this season of searching for a couple of years. I did a lot of thinking and praying when Kate was in preschool 2 years ago, and last year I started on a path that led to grad school but discerned that it was one of those side trips I mentioned at the beginning of the post! None of these twisty roads God has led me on have been a waste of time. I've learned a lot as I've rediscovered myself with a life without babies and toddlers. I'm working on some issues God has highlighted along the way, like simplifying both our clutter and our finances. I've also had to grow and stretch by being open to new opportunities God has placed in my path. I've been working really hard to be in tune to God's plans for me and for our family and not to just jump at everything that crosses my path. It's not easy and I'm not perfect, but I am making progress!
In some ways, I feel like I've been in a cocoon and God has been working on my heart. I still haven't emerged completely and I'm still not sure exactly what the plan will be, but I'm trying to be content on the road that God has placed me on and I continue to have ample opportunities to work on trust!(trust has never been one of my strengths!)
Are you struggling with a "Hagar Moment" in your life?
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| photo credit: World Outreach Church |
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and rely not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make safe your path."(Proverbs 3:4-5)
