The Reluctant Yes

Who doesn't love a Solemnity during Lent??

Today the Church celebrates the Annunciation.

"Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. 

And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. 

He will be great, and will be called the son of the Most High; 

and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, 

and he will reign over the house of Jacob for ever; 

and of his kingdom there will be no end"

....And Mary said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; 

let it be to me according to your word."

Luke 1:30-33,38

Mary's yes was not a "maybe", or an "I guess if you can't find anyone else...", or an "If I have to!" with a sigh and an eye roll.  She gave of herself completely...body, mind and soul. Mary's yes was a perfect yes. 

My own 'yeses' to God often sound more like a reluctant yes.

There are so many small yeses in everyday life. Take today for instance. Monday is my day off and usually I drop off the kids at school and then head to church for about 40 minutes of prayer/reading time before Mass. This week I even had breakfast with a friend planned for after Mass, followed by a couple of errands before heading home to do some cleaning and writing.

Well, Luke had a fever all day yesterday so that meant 'Plan B' for me today. My yes this morning was to hang out with my little guy and take care of him. It was a yes to movies, being together, and reminding him to rest, drink lots of water, and cough into his elbow(!). Instead of quiet and alone time, God asked me to serve Him through my youngest son.

We all have lots of opportunities to say a small yes every single day. Yes to serve by getting lunches and snacks together each morning. Yes to remaining patient when the gym uniform is missing. Yes to showing compassion to grumpy customers or coworkers. Yes to giving love through a smile for your spouse as he walks through the door amidst chaos. Yes to generosity as you drive your kids to games or practices. Yes to a bedtime story or a request for water after you've finally sat down and just want to shut off for the day. Yes to middle of the night wake up calls because of bad dreams...and climbing bunk bed ladders and squishing into a twin bed in uncomfortable positions so your child can fall back to sleep and not feel scared and alone.

All those little yeses might seem unimportant, but they aren't. They are a continual giving of ourselves. It's our way of reaffirming to God that I will serve...even when it's inconvenient, even when I'm tired, even when it's my Plan B...or C or D or Z!

And thankfully, God even gives me grace for the times that my yes sounds reluctant! God even gives me grace when my first response isn't a yes at all but then I work through whatever it is that's keeping me from being open to His will. Yes to letting God into our hearts always bears fruit.

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/banner-yes-no-decision-choice-1183407/

We aren't the only ones struggling with the yes/no battle on a daily basis. Even the saints had to practice! Take St.Teresa of Avila, who is not only a Saint but a Doctor of the Church as well.  In Fire Within, Fr. Thomas Dubay writes, "Yet Teresa had her faults for saints are not born out of the blue. They are weighed down with the same weak human nature we all have, and they experience the same temptations. The difference is that they say a complete Yes to the healing grace God offers to everyone, whereas most of us say 'maybe', or 'somewhat' or 'wait a while...not yet.'"
(emphasis mine)

Saying yes takes practice. God gives us lots of opportunities to say yes in the little things so that we will be ready to say yes in the bigger things He needs us to do.

Where is God asking you to say "yes" to Him today?

Just Let Go

Have you ever struggled to focus on the big picture when God is trying to get your attention? I know I have.. and I'm not the only one. Even the apostles had a hard time. The feeding of the 4000 and the feeding of the 5000 were two of the amazing miracles that the apostles were witnesses to. They saw Jesus act in big ways and they still got stuck focusing on the little things. In Mark 8:14-21, Jesus is trying to teach the apostles about some deep spiritual truths. "Beware of the leaven of the pharisees"(Mark 8:15) - and all the apostles can focus on is the fact that they only have one loaf of bread between them.

I'm super excited to be a contributing author at Catholic mom.com! Click here to read the rest of my post to see my own personal example of how holding on too tightly to the details kept me from seeing the bigger picture God was trying to show me.

When Our Mother Reaches Down To Us

I gave one of my sons the game, Bananagrams, for Christmas and it became an obsession for some of us. We've played over 100 times since Christmas day, including a “Bananagrams Madness” tournament at our little New Year's Eve gathering. (I admit that I am one of the people that look forward to playing whenever someone else is willing. Scrabble has always been one of my favorite games and Banangrams is similar with a quicker pace!)

Keeping on the topic of favorite things, one of my favorite feast days recently passed; Our Lady of Lourdes. Growing up, I really didn't learn much about the saints despite attending Catholic elementary school. It wasn't until I was a young adult that I started to read more about my faith, which included the lives of the saints.

             About 21 years ago and only about 2 years after my reversion...I am a cradle Catholic who, beyond going to Mass on Sundays, didn't really have a relationship with God until I was about 20...my husband, Jay, was going through a rough time with his first of three grad school clinicals. He had been placed in a setting where his supervisor was unprofessional and had an issue with men. It was a very negative atmosphere and a very stressful time. At the time of the clinical, we had three little boys under 5 and I was pregnant with our first daughter. I was working part time and really worried about Jay and everything he was going through. 

.....Today my post is being featured on Catholic Sistas!! I'm really excited for this opportunity to be a contributor! Just click here to head over and read the rest of my story!

Friday...With A Side Of Laughter

Linking up with Kelly today for 7 Quick Takes

I haven't done He said/She said for a while and I have some good ones. What better way to end the week than with a laugh?? So without further ado...

He Said/She Said

Luke(9): Mom, can someone say no when they ask her to marry him?
Me: Yes, but usually if someone asks to marry a person they've talked about it already.
Pa: Are you going to ask someone to marry you, Luke?
Luke: NO!! Jon and Marisa are getting married. You know..they are stuck with each other!!
Everyone: hahahahaha


Jay and Kate were having some special daddy/daughter time:
Kate(7): Can we go to Dunkin?
Jay: Sure
Kate: Can we go in and sit and eat so you can do your specialty?
Jay: What's my specialty?
Kate: Talking!
#truth

After watching the Puss in Boots cartoon:
Kate: Onions make you not kiss...so always eat onions!
Me: Absolutely!

Kate: Can you help me get a cup, please?
Me: Of course.
Kate:(stretching her hands towards the cabinet) But I can almost reach!
Me: I know..you're getting so big! Can you please stop growing so fast!?!
Kate: I can't...that's the way life works, Mom.


Last weekend, at dinner on his birthday:
Jon(23): Ok, we are going to play a game. We are going to go around the table and everyone says one thing that they are grateful for....
(long pause)
Jon: ...about me


My husband, Jay, was looking up ringtones while I ran into the grocery store. Kate was sitting in the car with him.
Jay:(listening to different Ironman ringtones with Jarvis speaking the words...if you aren't familiar with Jarvis, say the words in a "British butler" voice.)
Jarvis: "Sir, your wife is on the phone. Shall I put her through?"
Jarvis: "Sir, your wife is on the phone and she does not sound amused."
Jarvis: "Sir, your girlfriend is on the phone"...
Kate: DAD!!!!! YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?!?!?!
Jay: NO, Kate, NO!!! I don't!! It's just the ringtone!
(Can you imagine Kate going to school and spreading that story?!? yikes!)


On the way to school:
Luke: Dad, my fingerprints are different on each one of my fingers!
Jay: Yes, and your fingerprints are different from everyone else in the whole world! God loves you so much he even paid attention to the details to make sure that the invisible swirly patterns on your fingers are special to only you! Think of how different the love in your heart is that only you can give!
Luke: Dad, if you were a priest I bet you would say that in a homily.
Jay:(smiling) Well, if I was a priest you wouldn't be here.
Kate: Really??
Jay: Yes, but even before God made the dinosaurs He knew that He would make you and that you would be a part of our family.
Kate: WOW! God knew that before He made the dinosaurs?
Jay: Yup...that's how special you are and how much He loves you.
Kate: Wow! God waited all this time to make me so I wouldn't be eaten by dinosaurs!

Hope you all enjoy your dinosaur free weekend!

All About Love

Valentine's Day has certainly changed a lot over the years.

I remember being in high school, and on the days leading up to Valentine's Day, some group(that I don't remember) always did a fundraiser where you could buy carnations for $1 at lunch and the next day it would be delivered to the homeroom of the person you chose with your handwritten note. I received, and sent, a few flowers in my time there. Sometimes it was to show a friend you cared about them. Sometimes you received a flower from a "secret admirer" which always sent your mind and heart racing! (Of course, usually the secret admirer ended up not being the person you had hoped was doing the admiring!)

When relationships are new, there are lots of feelings and lots of love to go around. Those were days of bubble baths before dates with special scented soaps, lots of time spent in the mirror fixing my hair, and the dreaded struggle of choosing the perfect outfit!

Those days were all about love...

Then you get married and add a baby. Life changes quite a bit! No longer me or we..as in we as a couple...focused, now life is all about this amazing little person who has taken over your world.

And then you add another...

And then another...

And in our case, another and another and another...well, you get the picture!

The love is still there...it's just surrounded by so many other parts of everyday life and isn't quite as prominent as it was in the "bubble bath date" years.

Jay and I aren't a super romantic couple. We tend to be the predictable dinner and flowers/candy type of people in regards to Valentine's Day. In more recent years, my gift to Jay is making one of his favorite meals because restaurants are so crowded on Valentine's Day and the surrounding weekend. Spending time together with the children our love helped to create is totally ok with me.

Funny story....

Just this morning, Jay mentioned that he was going to text Jon and Andrew to make sure that they remembered to wish each of their fiancees "Happy Valentines Day" even if they weren't able to see them today. That made me laugh so much inside...he's trying to save them from trouble!

What trouble might you ask?? Well, on our first Valentine's Day as a married couple, Michael was one week old. It was a crazy time. We were both in college, Jay full time and me part time, very young, and first time parents adjusting to the needs of a new baby.

All day on that Valentine's Day, which was on a Sunday, I waited for Jay to surprise me with something. All morning I waited...all afternoon I waited...

Here is how Jay related the story to Jon and Andrew this morning via text message..
"We were sitting on the couch watching TV at night it was around 10 o'clock, and she looked at me and said, "So you really forgot?"...I thought, "Oh crap, what did I forget?" She said, "You really forgot Valentine's Day? I was waiting all this time thinking you were going to surprise me with something."

And some continued relationship advice from Jay to the boys...
"She didn't let me forget that for years! LOL And even now, sometimes I'll make a comment about not wanting to forget something and she'll say, "Oh like that time you forgot Valentine's Day?". LOL Even if they say it doesn't matter to them and act like it doesn't matter to them, to some degree it really does."

So, there you go. Life lessons from an experienced husband!

Jay loves me in lots of ways every single day. As he came in the house tonight with a truffle in one hand and a dozen roses in the other, (which he scratched the price tag off before he handed to me lol..see romance isn't dead;), I couldn't love him more.

P.S. And, just in case you're wondering, the way to my man's heart is definitely through his stomach! So homemade chicken pie and apple crisp is on the menu for tonight.

P.P.S. One of favorite things that Jay does, which is something my dad did for me and my sister, is that he gives each of our girls a rose or two for Valentine's Day every year! These girls are cherished by their daddy..and I hope that someday they will choose a man that cherishes them just as much!

Overcome

My heart is overcome with sadness and sickened by the news that came out of New York this week, making abortion legal up to birth in that state.

How has our country become so without conscience that people can cheer and celebrate murdering a fully developed child in its mother's womb?!?

It's just unfathomable to me.

The only difference between a child in utero at 9 months and a child in its mother's arms at 9 months is location.

It just makes no sense. A mother that aborts a baby so close to birth still has to deliver the baby! What is it going to do to the mother's psychological health to have to go through all the pain of labor only to deliver a dead baby that she had killed?!? What is that going to do to the emotional health of doctors and nurses present in a delivery that ends in silence...because of them?

How is this something to be cheered and celebrated???

Even people that are pro-choice and support first trimester abortions....doesn't this go too far for you? How long can people just focus on the "right to choose" and not on the human being that is not being chosen??

At 3 months gestation, that baby is hidden in its mother's body. He or she is is not felt by its mother. He or she has not become a conscious reality.

But at 9 months....that little one has been wiggling and moving around for months! Moms have felt their arms, legs, hands, feet, and hiccups. At that point, there is no doubt that there is another person in your body. And how can a mother...who has to deliver the baby anyway...decide to kill that child? And how can any doctor morally and ethically kill that baby? And how can politicians push for such a horrible law that in no way protects or saves women?

It's just madness. The politicians have passed something evil that is in no way meant to protect women. It's been stated over and over by obstetricians that there is never any medical reason to abort a baby at the end of development to save a mother.

I keep thinking about Mother Teresa..."Please don't kill the child. I want the child. Please give me the child. I am willing to accept any child who would be aborted, and to give that child to a married couple who will love the child, and be loved by the child. From our children's home in Calcutta alone, we have saved over 3,000 children from abortions. These children have brought such love and joy to their adopting parents, and have grown up so full of love and joy!"

We need to pray for the women that are vulnerable to this situation. Women contemplating abortion are overcome with fear and brokenness and deserve our love and compassion.

We need to pray for our country. We need to pray for these lawmakers and politicians...because one day they will stand before God with the blood of these babies on their hands. Our world needs mercy. The people that need mercy the most are the people that don't even know they need it!

I spent the first few days after hearing the news feeling such grief and shock. It's so easy to feel discouraged in the face of such darkness. But, we are not helpless or hopeless. My small part is to offer my prayers in love to God for these moms and dads, (because dads suffer, too), for the doctors and nurses, lawmakers and politicians...and then wait for his timing. I may be insignificant on my own, but God takes the little that I have to offer and uses it in big ways. My words or arguments aren't going to change a person's heart. It's God that changes hearts and minds.

In the waiting, I do my job and I work on myself. I live my life in the best way possible so that God's grace can flow through me and I can be a blessing to other people. And when I fail..multiple times a day...I ask for mercy and begin again.

In loving our families, in loving and supporting our friends and the people that God puts in our path, we create a culture of life that will allow light to break through the darkness.

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace.

In the world you have tribulation, but take courage:

I have overcome the world." John 16:33 

St. Mother Teresa, pray for us!

More Courage Than Fear

I always feel a bit of that "after Christmas let down". By the time we get to the Epiphany, I am feeling an emotional mixture of sadness that the lights and decorations are coming down and relief because I'm overwhelmed by all the extras that the Christmas season brought...decorations + gifts under the tree + new Lego creations on the end tables + new games and puzzles on the dining room table + Holiday platters, dishes, an extra table, and folding chairs hanging around waiting to be put away still...you get the picture.

I think it's equal parts grieving over the warm, fuzzies of Christmas and the intense desire to minimize the visual clutter!

I found myself wrestling with discouragement over the last week. I've taken some baby steps this past year in the areas of finances, exercising more regularly, trying to declutter, and being more consistent with my prayer life, particularly stopping into adoration multiple times a week even if it's just for 10 minutes.

I'm certainly not anywhere near meeting the goals I'm hoping to reach in any of these areas. Change and growth is a process that takes patience, fortitude, and especially, time. With the start of this new year and all this talk of goals and resolutions for 2019, I've been listening to a lot of negative self talk in my head.  Words that try to take away my hope and my focus. Sentences that start with a lot of "You're never going to..." and having to fight feelings of giving up before I've even given myself a chance in this new year.

Change that lasts starts out small. Forming new habits and sticking to them takes time. Keeping my eyes focused on the little victories is important. When that discouragement strikes it's because I've taken my eyes off of the step directly in front of me and I'm looking at how far away the goal line is. It's when I look at something that seems just so.far.away that the hopelessness of ever reaching it creeps in.

I'm like Peter...I take that first step out onto the water but then I look at the storm..or listen to the lies...and I start to sink. (Matthew 14:28-33)

Another stumbling block for me right now that is leading to discouragement is comparison. It's so ridiculous that I can be perfectly content one moment focusing on taking the small baby steps in front of me...and then I read another blog post about someone with goals that are so much bigger and more advanced and it made the baby step progress that I've made feel pretty pathetic in comparison. Ten seconds later, those feelings of wanting to give up just grow exponentially! I feel shamed by my lack when I see other people's success in their journeys.

I was really struggling with these feelings this weekend. Living with a constant feeling of being "less than" made me grumpy and blue.

I went to Mass on Monday and spent some time afterwards praying and journaling everything I was feeling. I realized that I had my eyes on the storm but I just wasn't sure exactly what to do about it.

On Tuesday, I spent a short time in adoration. I read the daily readings while I was there. The Gospel
for the day was the multiplication of the loaves and fishes. (Mark 6:34-44) I felt like my small hopes and goals are my small offering of fishes and loaves....it's my opportunity to give what little I have to Jesus and allow Him to make a miracle out of it.

I have been focusing too much on my own lacks and inabilities. I need to bring all these doubts and negative feelings to God to see how He will transform them. I need to trust in His plan for me and focus on the things He puts on my heart. I need to focus on my journey and my progress...not on anyone else's path.

Like the quote says....

I also like what Lisa Brenninkmeyer says in a recent blogpost....."Ask the One who loves you to give you just a little more courage than fear."

More courage than fear...sounds like a good thing to focus on in 2019.

How are you doing with the areas you are focusing on this year??