Emotional Drifting

 Growing up, my family always had a boat. We lived one town over from the ocean and spent most summer weekends visiting a local island and going fishing. When we reached a fishing spot, my dad often dropped an anchor to keep us from drifting. He would lower the anchor off of the bow of the boat and let out lots of line until the anchor reached the bottom. Then my mom would reverse the engines slowly until the anchor caught on the bottom and secured us in one place while we tried our luck with our fishing poles and baited hooks. Being anchored gave us a sense of security and helped us to focus on the task at hand; seeing who would catch the biggest fish!

Sometimes life can feel like a drifting boat. Life changes, new routines, struggles with a child, lack of connection with your spouse or a friend, unrest in our society, (or any number of reasons),can leave us feeling unmoored. When I feel like I'm emotionally drifting, my initial reaction is always to try and control my surroundings. This usually centers around overthinking everything and trying to "do" more or "be" better. While that might occasionally work for smaller, easier resolved issues, most of the time overthinking just leaves me with a lack of peace paired with a side of anxiety. Overthinking and anxiety are like throwing my anchor over the side but never getting it to catch on the bottom of the ocean. I remain adrift despite my efforts.

The Best Way To Anchor

photo credit: lovepeaceprayers.com

I've finally started to realize in the last couple of months something that helps to truly anchor my heart in times of emotional drifting and storms: holding on to God's Word. It almost feels too simple to be truly helpful. (Like all of those ads that come up on my social media feed for all of the "easy", "just do this one simple thing" in order to finally drop all the pounds you want to!) And yet, God's word is powerful and His truth quickly reaches the places in our hearts that feel lost and adrift.

During this past Lent, I read one Psalm a day and highlighted anything that felt meaningful to me and touched my heart. It's a practice I've continued since there are many more psalms than Lenten days. Last week when I felt ungrounded and all of my overthinking was leading me down the rabbit hole of "what ifs" and worst case scenarios, I read through some of the verses that I highlighted until I got to one that made my emotional anchor catch. On that particular day with the struggles that were burdening my heart, God used Psalm 59:10 to anchor me: 

"God in his mercy will meet me."

God's words entered into my anxiety and anchored my heart in His truth. Even though the circumstances of my situation weren't changed, my mind stopped spinning and I was able to focus on God's truth in that short sentence and find rest for my anxious heart. And every time the anxiety started to bubble up again, I would repeat and choose to focus on those words, "God in his mercy will meet me."

Truth For Every Situation

You don't have to read and highlight your way through the Psalms in order to find a verse that calms your anxious heart. A quick google search showing verses of the bible dealing with whatever emotion is burdening you at the moment ... anxiety, fear, anger, hopelessness, etc ... will bring up lots of suggestions. Then, spend a short amount of time looking up those verses in your bible until your anchor "catches" on the verse that touches and calms your heart. Write it down in your journal to not only remember the verse, but also to remember how God reached out to care for your heart. I also like to write it down on a Post It note and stick it to my mirror. (I have a bit of an addiction to those things!). Another idea is to make it the lock screen of your phone. You just want to make sure it's easily accessible so you can repeat it as often as you need to. 

Needing to feel emotionally anchored comes up so often throughout our whole lives! Learning to turn to God and to be anchored in His truth is a skill that will help immensely when circumstances make us feel as if we are unmoored and drifting. His truth cuts through the most difficult emotions and lies of the enemy and allow us to live in the way that is described in Philippians 4:7;

"And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, 

will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Emotional Drifting

Growing up, my family always had a boat. We lived one town over from the ocean and spent most summer weekends visiting a local island and going fishing. When we reached a fishing spot, my dad often dropped an anchor to keep us from drifting. He would lower the anchor off of the bow of the boat and let out lots of line until the anchor reached the bottom. Then my mom would reverse the engines slowly until the anchor caught on the bottom and secured us in one place while we tried our luck with our fishing poles and baited hooks. Being anchored gave us a sense of security and helped us to focus on the task at hand; seeing who would catch the biggest fish!

Sometimes life can feel like a drifting boat. Life changes, new routines, struggles with a child, lack of connection with your spouse or a friend, unrest in our society, (or any number of reasons),can leave us feeling unmoored. When I feel like I'm emotionally drifting, my initial reaction is always to try and control my surroundings. This usually centers around overthinking everything and trying to "do" more or "be" better. While that might occasionally work for smaller, easier resolved issues, most of the time overthinking just leaves me with a lack of peace paired with a side of anxiety. Overthinking and anxiety are like throwing my anchor over the side but never getting it to catch on the bottom of the ocean. I remain adrift despite my efforts.

The Best Way To Anchor

photo credit: lovepeaceprayers.com

I've finally started to realize in the last couple of months something that helps to truly anchor my heart in times of emotional drifting and storms: holding on to God's Word. It almost feels too simple to be truly helpful. (Like all of those ads that come up on my social media feed for all of the "easy", "just do this one simple thing" in order to finally drop all the pounds you want to!) And yet, God's word is powerful and His truth quickly reaches the places in our hearts that feel lost and adrift.

During this past Lent, I read one Psalm a day and highlighted anything that felt meaningful to me and touched my heart. It's a practice I've continued since there are many more psalms than Lenten days. Last week when I felt ungrounded and all of my overthinking was leading me down the rabbit hole of "what ifs" and worst case scenarios, I read through some of the verses that I highlighted until I got to one that made my emotional anchor catch. On that particular day with the struggles that were burdening my heart, God used Psalm 59:10 to anchor me: 

"God in his mercy will meet me."

God's words entered into my anxiety and anchored my heart in His truth. Even though the circumstances of my situation weren't changed, my mind stopped spinning and I was able to focus on God's truth in that short sentence and find rest for my anxious heart. And every time the anxiety started to bubble up again, I would repeat and choose to focus on those words, "God in his mercy will meet me."

Truth For Every Situation

You don't have to read and highlight your way through the Psalms in order to find a verse that calms your anxious heart. A quick google search showing verses of the bible dealing with whatever emotion is burdening you at the moment ... anxiety, fear, anger, hopelessness, etc ... will bring up lots of suggestions. Then, spend a short amount of time looking up those verses in your bible until your anchor "catches" on the verse that touches and calms your heart. Write it down in your journal to not only remember the verse, but also to remember how God reached out to care for your heart. I also like to write it down on a Post It note and stick it to my mirror. (I have a bit of an addiction to those things!). Another idea is to make it the lock screen of your phone. You just want to make sure it's easily accessible so you can repeat it as often as you need to. 

Needing to feel emotionally anchored comes up so often throughout our whole lives! Learning to turn to God and to be anchored in His truth is a skill that will help immensely when circumstances make us feel as if we are unmoored and drifting. His truth cuts through the most difficult emotions and lies of the enemy and allow us to live in the way that is described in Philippians 4:7;

"And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, 

will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

My Personal Jubilee Year

We've come to a big milestone in our family. After 23 years, we are downsizing from a 12 passenger van to a minivan. 

It feels like the end of an era. In some ways it is. When we bought our first big van, I was very pregnant with our fifth child. Even though we technically still fit in our minivan, with two car seats and three sons that were all very tall, (and not always tolerant of being squished together in a seat!), my husband and I made the leap to a 12 passenger van for the good of growing family ... and our sanity.

We added three more babies to our family in the years that followed and eventually traded our first van in for a more updated model. I found myself feeling a little emotional and nostalgic as I  handed the van over. I still remember the first day we brought home our original van. With our two year old, Sarah, in her car seat, the boys all climbed in excitedly "claiming" seats and having lots of room to spread out. I can still hear Sarah's squeaky toddler voice in my head as we drove down the street with the windows down saying, "My hair's goin' 'whipedy, whipedy!" as her disheveled hair blew all over her face in the wind. (Sarah never liked having her hair in a pony tail!)

With only four kids left at home, downsizing seems like the right decision. I waffled a little as my husband and I discussed it. We have 5 young grandchildren.(#6 is due in November!) We are blessed that they all live locally and we get to see them all the time. But, in reality, I never have them all at once to drive around somewhere. So getting a big van for a very occasional opportunity didn't seem worth it.

Who knew that so much emotion could come out of buying a minivan!

This purchase has just been another area of reflection as I quickly approach a milestone birthday. 

In the months leading up to fifty, I've been a little apprehensive about how I was going to handle it all. I've definitely been talking about it more in an effort to process my feelings and not just ignore or stuff them! (One of the benefits of experience is learning what doesn't work!)

A couple of weeks ago, our Deacon gave a homily where he talked about the Jubilee Year in Jewish tradition. God told the Jewish people that every seventh year was to be a year of rest for the people and the land. Every seven seventh year (7x7), God declared that the 50th year would be a Jubilee year. It was a year when debts were forgiven, slaves were set free, and land was returned.(see Leviticus 25 and Day 49 of Bible in a Year) 

God works in special ways in the Jubilee Year. It's a year of rest and restoration, both for the land and the people. It's also a time of trust in God, because people had to trust that the provisions grown in year 48 would last through year 49 and 50 as well!

I felt like God was speaking to my heart in that homily. I felt like the Holy Spirit was talking to me about a personal "Jubilee Year". It made me think of the parts of me that are held in emotional bondage that I've been working on "setting free". It also made me think of the "land" as the parts of my heart that I have had to give away will be returned; The hope, joy, and love that I have "sold" because of my debt to fear, anxiety, and loss. 

That homily changed my mindset of turning 50 from one of dread to one of hope and curiosity. It kept me from focusing on all the negatives of getting older. God used that homily to turn my focus back to Him and reminded me that God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." 

   

 

  

Coming to the end of our Nazareth Years

May is a very full month for moms! Our calendars are filling the calendars with field trips, Spring concert nights, and honor society inductions. College age kids are stressing through the overwhelming work of papers and final exams. If it's a graduation year for one(or more) of our kids there are all the award ceremonies, special trips, masses, and proms to juggle. We are trying to manage the ever filling calendar while also looking ahead to summer to plan camps and vacations. 

It's a lot.

I've had years of multiple graduations. Our record is four; one graduated with an associates degree, another from high school, as well as an 8th grade and pre school graduation! That year was a whirlwind..not only for our schedule but also for my mama heart. That much change at one time was a lot to process!

Now that more than half of my eight children are adults and finished with school, graduations aren't coming so fast and furious. This year we only have one. My youngest son, Luke, is graduating from 8th grade and heading to high school. While I've been through lots of middle school graduations, I have to say that this one is hitting me a bit harder than the rest. I think that the combination of having a "big" decade birthday creeping up on me next month combined with my "baby boy", who is just shy of 5'11'' and definitely not a baby(!) is making me extra introspective. 

My history loving son, Luke! 

With Luke graduating from middle school, that will just leave my youngest, Kate, at the Catholic K-8 school that we've had at least one child in for the last 26 years! Kate only has two years left before she heads to high school, so we are on the cusp of the end of a parenting era for our family. 

In some respects, I'm more than ready to move on. I can't wait until there are no more science and history fair projects to deal with! I'm a tired, (aka lazy), parent after many years of a similar schedule and routine. My expectations are a lot different as an older ,(ahem), more experienced parent. I still want my kids to learn to work to the best of their ability and be proud about what they've accomplished, but most of the time I'm able to be more relaxed.  As I've matured I've learned, (slowly and painfully with lots of practice because, well, 8 kids!), that somehow, the projects get done, they (eventually) learn to be more organized and focused, and despite my fears at times none of my kids live in my basement playing video games all day! 

With Luke's graduation count down, I've been praying a lot about all the emotions it's bringing up for me. Luke was one of my "bonus babies". (We were lucky enough to have two!) Because Luke and Kate came later in my parenting journey, I was able to appreciate their stages in a deeper way because I had learned by experience how fast childhood goes by. I was able to slow down and savor the moments as they have grown. Of course, it's also bittersweet because with each change marks my "last" as a parent. One of the greatest consolations of a big family is that, even as older kids grow, there are younger ones to love on and care for. But eventually you still get to the end of the line and I have arrived!

Successful mothering is a bit ironic. We spend the beginning of motherhood completely attached to our children: they grow inside of us for nine months, we nourish them with our bodies for the first year(or more), and we do our best to meet their emotional and physical needs as they grow. Then, at some point in the preteen/early teen years, we need to unlearn all the ways that we have cared for and poured our love into our kids as we start the long, slow, (sometimes painful) process towards their independence.

I've found myself drawn to the Bible story of the Wedding Feast at Cana lately. The quick exchange between Mary, "They have no wine." and Jesus, "Woman, what have you to do with me? My hour has not yet come." is a life changing moment. Then Mary's words to the steward, "Do whatever he tells you."(see John 2:3-5) When Jesus performs the very first of his public miracles by changing the water into wine at the request of his mother, it launches Him into the unfolding of God's plan for our redemption. Mary's request is a catalyst in the fulfillment of Jesus' life's purpose.

Just as Mary encourages Jesus in the purpose God has for His life, so do we, as mothers, try to do the same for our children as they grow. We stop looking at their lives in a narrow way; homework, school projects, sports games, and youth group commitments that fill our calendar and make the years pass quickly. Instead, we start to look at the bigger picture. Who did God create them to be and how can we help to encourage and foster their emotional and spiritual growth to help prepare them to say their yes? 

This comes with a price. Mary knew that once Jesus stepped out publicly into His full purpose that life would never be the same for her. Those quiet years in Nazareth would be over and would be a source of grief for her. 

This is true for us as well. We are blessed with the "Nazareth years" with our children. Then we work to help them choose the best high school, college, and the best major that will bring them to independence and away from us.  As our children grow and stretch their wings, it stretches the bonds that have attached our hearts to theirs since the moment we knew of their existence.

The journey of letting go as a mom is not easy, even when you've experienced it multiple times! There are certainly quite a lot of tears, but there is joy as well. Seeing your children grow into young adults and find their vocation is a beautiful thing. 

We will always have the memories of our "Nazareth years".  And even though what they need from us changes, the new relationships that develop can be just as meaningful.

And the best part? We won't have to deal with any more school projects!

Embrace the Inconveniences

I was in a "try not to drown" mode all winter! After a fall and winter that had been filled to the brim with constant illnesses and a major health crisis for my oldest daughter that was finally starting to resolve, to say I was tired and burned out was a complete understatement. 

In February, my parents had invited us on a family vacation that I had spent the last year planning out all the details for. And there were lots of details! It was a Disney vacation that included the majority of my family. We even had a bonus "just like family" member. (It was my daughter-in-law's sister who is also one of my daughter Ellie's closest friends.) In all, we travelled with 18 people, including my autistic young adult son, three 2-year-old grandsons, my 8-month-old granddaughter and 5-month-old grandson. 

While I was hoping and praying that this trip would allow for at least some snippets of rest and recharge, I knew that overall, it was going to be very busy. Trying to create a schedule which met the needs of babies, toddlers, teens, young adults, young families, and my senior citizen parents (who will not like being labeled as such(!) and who thankfully are very mobile, active and act much younger than their actual age) took lots of creativity, thought, and many adjustments!

I boarded the plane feeling anxious and emotionally depleted but resolved to focus on staying in the present moment, so I didn't miss out on the joys ahead of us. I was also focused on being flexible for any "hiccups" that travelling with a large group of people would most likely bring. 

I pulled out my rosary beads as the plane pulled away from the gate. (Flying is not my favorite!) As I started praying, I felt God say in my heart, "Embrace the inconveniences". And my first thought was, "Oh.no!" I didn't have long to ponder, though, because moments later our plane stopped as we approached the runway, the engine shut off, and the pilot informed us that we were being delayed at least 30 minutes because of too much air traffic on the East Coast.

After 30 minutes of helping to distract one of the 2-year-olds and listening to another family's toddler completely lose it the entire time ... I felt so bad for that poor mom! ... the engines started and 10 minutes later it was our turn on the runway. The flight went great, I had handled the delay with patience, and I was tentatively hopeful that maybe we had got the "inconvenience" out of the way! 

I have to admit that the warning and direction God gave me came in handy. We landed in Florida to rain and chilly weather, but I was able to embrace that inconvenience and just be grateful to be on vacation. The next day brought more and heavier rain, but we made the best of it. Each time an inconvenience popped up, I tried to embrace it. At the same time, I felt like I was bargaining with God, "That's enough inconveniences now, right?" And, yet every.single.day we faced some pretty sizable challenges that kept me from just slipping into the carefree vacation mindset I so desperately felt I needed.  

Over the course of the next week, one son's family came down with pinkeye, my 5-month-old grandson came down with croup in the middle of the night and needed an early morning ER visit, my dad got sick and missed out on 3 park days, one of the 2-year-olds needed an urgent care visit for an ear infection, my special needs son developed an awful stye, and my dad went into AFIB for part of a day. Even though it t didn't rain again, the temperature was too cool to enjoy the pool except on one afternoon. That was really disappointing since it's always one of my favorite parts of a trip to Florida in February. 

I was trying so hard to "embrace the inconveniences", offer things up, and stay positive despite all the challenges. I did well until the second to last day of our trip when there was just one too many frustrations and my overwhelm spilled over and I snapped at two of my adult kids, then cried because I lost my patience. I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to not beat myself up over one bad moment. 

I cried in the bathroom the morning we flew out on what would have been a perfect pool day. While there were certainly many joyful moments during the trip, overall, it had been disappointing and not what I had hoped. It's also hard when you spend so long planning and looking forward to something and it isn't what you hoped it would be. (And my expectations were honestly pretty low to start with because of the amount of littles in our group!) Maybe you can relate? Life often throws unfortunate details into our well formed plans.

There was something my heart felt it desperately needed that it just didn't get. It wasn't about the weather or the illnesses. It was the exhaustion and lack of peace in my heart. I needed rest...a deep soul rest that probably wasn't possible to get on that vacation even if it had gone perfectly.

Sometimes the good that God brings out of hard situations is a deeper understanding of our own hearts. It can become apparent that we have to address the needs that we've been putting off for too long that quick fixes or emotional "bandaids" aren't going to manage anymore. I realized that I had to address my deep need for rest because it was affecting my daily life. Shortly after the vacation, God opened the door for a silent women's retreat that He gave me the courage to walk through. Silence with Him away from the many, many responsibilities of home life was the CPR my soul needed.

If you find yourself in a place of burnout and emotional need, take that seriously. Ask God to show you how He wants to address how you're feeling. Open up to your husband and/or a good friend. Consider speaking to a Catholic therapist or spiritual director. It's important to care for our hearts in order to better care for our families. We can't give what we don't have. 

It's so hard to get three busy boys to look at the camera and say "cheese"!
Thankfully, Xavier was all in!

It's a little easier with two!

My parents with sweet baby Claire

Every trip someone needs a pic with a Viking helmet!
Luke was happy to oblige! 

Sweet baby Charlie!

Claire adores her Pupa.
(The feeling is mutual!)

Happy Charlie

 

My favorite Disney princess!

Faithful Saint Joseph

For the last several weeks I've been praying and thinking about the Third Sorrow of Mary, the loss of the child Jesus for three days, as part of a larger writing project that I'm working on. It's the last of Mary's Sorrows that St. Joseph is a part of and his presence within Mary's suffering is worth diving into a little deeper. 

What really stood out for me in this particular sorrow were the faithfulness and trust of Mary and Joseph that weaves throughout the Gospel story. When I picture the scene in my head, Mary, Joseph and Jesus have just finished celebrating Passover in Jerusalem with all of their relatives and friends and had started the long 91 mile trek back to Nazareth. It was a multiple day journey where men and women traveled in separate caravans. Because of Jesus' age at the time, it would have been appropriate for him to travel with either group. When they finally stop for the night, I can imagine Mary seeking out Joseph. Can you imagine their eyes meeting in the crowd of family and friends and the smile they shared at being reunited? Maybe they gave each other a short embrace as Mary asked, looking around expectantly, "Where's Jesus?" I can also feel the anxiety that they both might have felt as Joseph answered, "I thought He was with you?"

What followed next was not a "blame game". There wasn't any bickering between Mary and Joseph, blaming the other about who should have been in charge or who should have noticed Jesus wasn't there. Even in their worry, Mary and Joseph just focused on the next right thing, which was to search among their friends and family for Jesus. As the asked each person, hearing "I haven't seen him" over and over again must have been heart wrenching.

With anxiety in their hearts, Mary and Joseph did the next right thing and started the long trek back to Jerusalem, where they did not find Jesus right away. I can imagine all of the silent pleas leaving both Mary and Joseph's hearts asking God to protect Jesus and for assistance to find him safe and unharmed as they leaned on each other for support. They were the Holy Family, and they were not spared from grief and worry. 

When they find Jesus, Mary speaks for both herself and Joseph and is honest with their feelings. "Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been looking for you anxiously."(Luke 2:48) Mary and Joseph don't sweep their feelings under a rug, nor do they completely freak out from their fear. They don't threaten to ground Jesus for the next 10 years. Instead, they honestly ask why this happened and wait for His answer, which was " How is it that you sought me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?"(Luke 2:49) Verse 50 says that "They did not understand the saying which he spoke to them. And he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart." 

Mary and Joseph show us how to walk through really difficult and traumatic circumstances by relying on God's grace. Even when the fear they suffered was resolved without understanding why it happened, they both continued to do the next right thing; which for their family to return to Nazareth together. Mary and Joseph didn't close their hearts off. They didn't fall into self-sufficiency or self protection to try and shield their hearts from further fear or pain. Mary and Joseph leaned into God and trusted Him to reveal His truth in His timing to their hearts.

How can we use this example given to us by Mary and Joseph? How can we search for Jesus and staying faithful in our own lives? How can we trust God even when we don't understand why we are on a painful path we can't make sense of?

This Gospel story has been such a consolation for me lately. Seeing Mary and Joseph's example of faithfulness in a time of great anxiety and the faithfulness they showed is so encouraging and inspiring. When you're going through a hard time it helps so much to know you aren't alone. Others have gone through hard times too, suffered well and made it through. Like Mary and Joseph, we will find Jesus again. Even if we don't understand why we were on a particular path, we have Mary's example of what to do: we can keep things "in our heart" and allow God to help us to process everything with Him and in His time. 

Let's ask St. Joseph to intercede for us and send us consolation and endurance where we find ourselves searching for Jesus in our own lives. Saint Joseph, pray for us! 

The Other Side of Christmas

The tree is down. Decorations are put away. Our lives slid back into a "normal" school routine. But instead of the usual mix of emotions that bubble up this time of year-sadness that this special time has ended and, at the same moment, relief to be back into a familiar routine- I find myself in a different place entirely. 

Advent started for me in a focused and reflective way. The last blog post that I wrote early in December, (but didn't post until the week before Christmas to coincide with its release on Catholicmom.com), represented the way I felt for the first half of Advent. (By the time I actually posted the blog, I was in a different emotional place entirely! I even struggled with the idea of actually sharing it.) By mid-December, my Advent had taken a sharp right turn from the road towards a newborn baby in a stable in Bethlehem, barreled down a bumpy, dirt road, and crashed into a barren desert that felt and appeared to be Lent! 

The night of Gaudete Sunday was the beginning of an emotional tornado that began with Kate coming down with the flu that kept her out of school the entire week and sick for her birthday and continued with a medical procedure that went horribly wrong for Sarah. This tornado lasted through most of Christmas vacation as other family members succumbed to the flu, Peter struggled in his program, and Kate came down with pneumonia. Caring for normal illness and having to cancel or postpone family holiday plans was disappointing. Adding to that the worry for an adult child traumatically harmed through a medical procedure and trying to help her husband care for her and find the additional medical help she needed was incredibly difficult and heart wrenching. 

And it was Christmas!!! It was important to me as a mom to make it as nice as it could be for the kids that lived with us and whoever was brave enough to visit, despite all the difficult circumstances we were dealing with. Although my list was simplified daily because we were in 'survival mode', I still received the Grace, and maybe some white knuckling, to pull off a much simplified version of my original Christmas plans. The stress and exhaustion took it's toll on me though, and Christmas night I spiked a fever that kept me couch bound for several days and low energy for even more. Not one of the projects that I had been planning to tackle when I had extended time during my "week off" between Christmas and New Year's ever happened!

Every day of the week leading up to Christmas through New Year's Eve felt like our life was a series of dumpster fires and I never knew each day which one I was going to need to run to and use my very inadequate fire extinguisher to try to calm the flames.

I'm still completely emotionally discombobulated and feel like I'm walking in a cloud of confusion trying to figure out exactly how I got here and trying to make sense of it all. I haven't gotten any great insight or even peace about everything. I'm just working hard on trying to calm my sensory system, focus on self care when I can, and slowly emerge out of survival mode. 

I guess in sharing this Advent misadventure, I'm hoping that anyone that had their own difficult Advent and Christmas season won't feel so alone. If you didn't jump into this new year with a list of resolutions and hope for the months ahead, that's ok. Sometimes, life is really hard and just getting through the day is a pretty big accomplishment! Sometimes we just need some TLC and a little more time to recover emotionally before we are ready to move forward. 

My entry into 2024 is a lot slower and more cautious than usual. It's just where I'm at. If you find yourself in a similar place, just know that it's ok. Sometimes life is all about baby steps. Maybe we can find encouragement in one of my favorite movie quotes from the movie Elizabethtown; 

"All forward progress counts!"