Just Let Go

Have you ever struggled to focus on the big picture when God is trying to get your attention? I know I have.. and I'm not the only one. Even the apostles had a hard time. The feeding of the 4000 and the feeding of the 5000 were two of the amazing miracles that the apostles were witnesses to. They saw Jesus act in big ways and they still got stuck focusing on the little things. In Mark 8:14-21, Jesus is trying to teach the apostles about some deep spiritual truths. "Beware of the leaven of the pharisees"(Mark 8:15) - and all the apostles can focus on is the fact that they only have one loaf of bread between them.

I'm super excited to be a contributing author at Catholic mom.com! Click here to read the rest of my post to see my own personal example of how holding on too tightly to the details kept me from seeing the bigger picture God was trying to show me.

When Our Mother Reaches Down To Us

I gave one of my sons the game, Bananagrams, for Christmas and it became an obsession for some of us. We've played over 100 times since Christmas day, including a “Bananagrams Madness” tournament at our little New Year's Eve gathering. (I admit that I am one of the people that look forward to playing whenever someone else is willing. Scrabble has always been one of my favorite games and Banangrams is similar with a quicker pace!)

Keeping on the topic of favorite things, one of my favorite feast days recently passed; Our Lady of Lourdes. Growing up, I really didn't learn much about the saints despite attending Catholic elementary school. It wasn't until I was a young adult that I started to read more about my faith, which included the lives of the saints.

             About 21 years ago and only about 2 years after my reversion...I am a cradle Catholic who, beyond going to Mass on Sundays, didn't really have a relationship with God until I was about 20...my husband, Jay, was going through a rough time with his first of three grad school clinicals. He had been placed in a setting where his supervisor was unprofessional and had an issue with men. It was a very negative atmosphere and a very stressful time. At the time of the clinical, we had three little boys under 5 and I was pregnant with our first daughter. I was working part time and really worried about Jay and everything he was going through. 

.....Today my post is being featured on Catholic Sistas!! I'm really excited for this opportunity to be a contributor! Just click here to head over and read the rest of my story!

Friday...With A Side Of Laughter

Linking up with Kelly today for 7 Quick Takes

I haven't done He said/She said for a while and I have some good ones. What better way to end the week than with a laugh?? So without further ado...

He Said/She Said

Luke(9): Mom, can someone say no when they ask her to marry him?
Me: Yes, but usually if someone asks to marry a person they've talked about it already.
Pa: Are you going to ask someone to marry you, Luke?
Luke: NO!! Jon and Marisa are getting married. You know..they are stuck with each other!!
Everyone: hahahahaha


Jay and Kate were having some special daddy/daughter time:
Kate(7): Can we go to Dunkin?
Jay: Sure
Kate: Can we go in and sit and eat so you can do your specialty?
Jay: What's my specialty?
Kate: Talking!
#truth

After watching the Puss in Boots cartoon:
Kate: Onions make you not kiss...so always eat onions!
Me: Absolutely!

Kate: Can you help me get a cup, please?
Me: Of course.
Kate:(stretching her hands towards the cabinet) But I can almost reach!
Me: I know..you're getting so big! Can you please stop growing so fast!?!
Kate: I can't...that's the way life works, Mom.


Last weekend, at dinner on his birthday:
Jon(23): Ok, we are going to play a game. We are going to go around the table and everyone says one thing that they are grateful for....
(long pause)
Jon: ...about me


My husband, Jay, was looking up ringtones while I ran into the grocery store. Kate was sitting in the car with him.
Jay:(listening to different Ironman ringtones with Jarvis speaking the words...if you aren't familiar with Jarvis, say the words in a "British butler" voice.)
Jarvis: "Sir, your wife is on the phone. Shall I put her through?"
Jarvis: "Sir, your wife is on the phone and she does not sound amused."
Jarvis: "Sir, your girlfriend is on the phone"...
Kate: DAD!!!!! YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?!?!?!
Jay: NO, Kate, NO!!! I don't!! It's just the ringtone!
(Can you imagine Kate going to school and spreading that story?!? yikes!)


On the way to school:
Luke: Dad, my fingerprints are different on each one of my fingers!
Jay: Yes, and your fingerprints are different from everyone else in the whole world! God loves you so much he even paid attention to the details to make sure that the invisible swirly patterns on your fingers are special to only you! Think of how different the love in your heart is that only you can give!
Luke: Dad, if you were a priest I bet you would say that in a homily.
Jay:(smiling) Well, if I was a priest you wouldn't be here.
Kate: Really??
Jay: Yes, but even before God made the dinosaurs He knew that He would make you and that you would be a part of our family.
Kate: WOW! God knew that before He made the dinosaurs?
Jay: Yup...that's how special you are and how much He loves you.
Kate: Wow! God waited all this time to make me so I wouldn't be eaten by dinosaurs!

Hope you all enjoy your dinosaur free weekend!

All About Love

Valentine's Day has certainly changed a lot over the years.

I remember being in high school, and on the days leading up to Valentine's Day, some group(that I don't remember) always did a fundraiser where you could buy carnations for $1 at lunch and the next day it would be delivered to the homeroom of the person you chose with your handwritten note. I received, and sent, a few flowers in my time there. Sometimes it was to show a friend you cared about them. Sometimes you received a flower from a "secret admirer" which always sent your mind and heart racing! (Of course, usually the secret admirer ended up not being the person you had hoped was doing the admiring!)

When relationships are new, there are lots of feelings and lots of love to go around. Those were days of bubble baths before dates with special scented soaps, lots of time spent in the mirror fixing my hair, and the dreaded struggle of choosing the perfect outfit!

Those days were all about love...

Then you get married and add a baby. Life changes quite a bit! No longer me or we..as in we as a couple...focused, now life is all about this amazing little person who has taken over your world.

And then you add another...

And then another...

And in our case, another and another and another...well, you get the picture!

The love is still there...it's just surrounded by so many other parts of everyday life and isn't quite as prominent as it was in the "bubble bath date" years.

Jay and I aren't a super romantic couple. We tend to be the predictable dinner and flowers/candy type of people in regards to Valentine's Day. In more recent years, my gift to Jay is making one of his favorite meals because restaurants are so crowded on Valentine's Day and the surrounding weekend. Spending time together with the children our love helped to create is totally ok with me.

Funny story....

Just this morning, Jay mentioned that he was going to text Jon and Andrew to make sure that they remembered to wish each of their fiancees "Happy Valentines Day" even if they weren't able to see them today. That made me laugh so much inside...he's trying to save them from trouble!

What trouble might you ask?? Well, on our first Valentine's Day as a married couple, Michael was one week old. It was a crazy time. We were both in college, Jay full time and me part time, very young, and first time parents adjusting to the needs of a new baby.

All day on that Valentine's Day, which was on a Sunday, I waited for Jay to surprise me with something. All morning I waited...all afternoon I waited...

Here is how Jay related the story to Jon and Andrew this morning via text message..
"We were sitting on the couch watching TV at night it was around 10 o'clock, and she looked at me and said, "So you really forgot?"...I thought, "Oh crap, what did I forget?" She said, "You really forgot Valentine's Day? I was waiting all this time thinking you were going to surprise me with something."

And some continued relationship advice from Jay to the boys...
"She didn't let me forget that for years! LOL And even now, sometimes I'll make a comment about not wanting to forget something and she'll say, "Oh like that time you forgot Valentine's Day?". LOL Even if they say it doesn't matter to them and act like it doesn't matter to them, to some degree it really does."

So, there you go. Life lessons from an experienced husband!

Jay loves me in lots of ways every single day. As he came in the house tonight with a truffle in one hand and a dozen roses in the other, (which he scratched the price tag off before he handed to me lol..see romance isn't dead;), I couldn't love him more.

P.S. And, just in case you're wondering, the way to my man's heart is definitely through his stomach! So homemade chicken pie and apple crisp is on the menu for tonight.

P.P.S. One of favorite things that Jay does, which is something my dad did for me and my sister, is that he gives each of our girls a rose or two for Valentine's Day every year! These girls are cherished by their daddy..and I hope that someday they will choose a man that cherishes them just as much!

Overcome

My heart is overcome with sadness and sickened by the news that came out of New York this week, making abortion legal up to birth in that state.

How has our country become so without conscience that people can cheer and celebrate murdering a fully developed child in its mother's womb?!?

It's just unfathomable to me.

The only difference between a child in utero at 9 months and a child in its mother's arms at 9 months is location.

It just makes no sense. A mother that aborts a baby so close to birth still has to deliver the baby! What is it going to do to the mother's psychological health to have to go through all the pain of labor only to deliver a dead baby that she had killed?!? What is that going to do to the emotional health of doctors and nurses present in a delivery that ends in silence...because of them?

How is this something to be cheered and celebrated???

Even people that are pro-choice and support first trimester abortions....doesn't this go too far for you? How long can people just focus on the "right to choose" and not on the human being that is not being chosen??

At 3 months gestation, that baby is hidden in its mother's body. He or she is is not felt by its mother. He or she has not become a conscious reality.

But at 9 months....that little one has been wiggling and moving around for months! Moms have felt their arms, legs, hands, feet, and hiccups. At that point, there is no doubt that there is another person in your body. And how can a mother...who has to deliver the baby anyway...decide to kill that child? And how can any doctor morally and ethically kill that baby? And how can politicians push for such a horrible law that in no way protects or saves women?

It's just madness. The politicians have passed something evil that is in no way meant to protect women. It's been stated over and over by obstetricians that there is never any medical reason to abort a baby at the end of development to save a mother.

I keep thinking about Mother Teresa..."Please don't kill the child. I want the child. Please give me the child. I am willing to accept any child who would be aborted, and to give that child to a married couple who will love the child, and be loved by the child. From our children's home in Calcutta alone, we have saved over 3,000 children from abortions. These children have brought such love and joy to their adopting parents, and have grown up so full of love and joy!"

We need to pray for the women that are vulnerable to this situation. Women contemplating abortion are overcome with fear and brokenness and deserve our love and compassion.

We need to pray for our country. We need to pray for these lawmakers and politicians...because one day they will stand before God with the blood of these babies on their hands. Our world needs mercy. The people that need mercy the most are the people that don't even know they need it!

I spent the first few days after hearing the news feeling such grief and shock. It's so easy to feel discouraged in the face of such darkness. But, we are not helpless or hopeless. My small part is to offer my prayers in love to God for these moms and dads, (because dads suffer, too), for the doctors and nurses, lawmakers and politicians...and then wait for his timing. I may be insignificant on my own, but God takes the little that I have to offer and uses it in big ways. My words or arguments aren't going to change a person's heart. It's God that changes hearts and minds.

In the waiting, I do my job and I work on myself. I live my life in the best way possible so that God's grace can flow through me and I can be a blessing to other people. And when I fail..multiple times a day...I ask for mercy and begin again.

In loving our families, in loving and supporting our friends and the people that God puts in our path, we create a culture of life that will allow light to break through the darkness.

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace.

In the world you have tribulation, but take courage:

I have overcome the world." John 16:33 

St. Mother Teresa, pray for us!

More Courage Than Fear

I always feel a bit of that "after Christmas let down". By the time we get to the Epiphany, I am feeling an emotional mixture of sadness that the lights and decorations are coming down and relief because I'm overwhelmed by all the extras that the Christmas season brought...decorations + gifts under the tree + new Lego creations on the end tables + new games and puzzles on the dining room table + Holiday platters, dishes, an extra table, and folding chairs hanging around waiting to be put away still...you get the picture.

I think it's equal parts grieving over the warm, fuzzies of Christmas and the intense desire to minimize the visual clutter!

I found myself wrestling with discouragement over the last week. I've taken some baby steps this past year in the areas of finances, exercising more regularly, trying to declutter, and being more consistent with my prayer life, particularly stopping into adoration multiple times a week even if it's just for 10 minutes.

I'm certainly not anywhere near meeting the goals I'm hoping to reach in any of these areas. Change and growth is a process that takes patience, fortitude, and especially, time. With the start of this new year and all this talk of goals and resolutions for 2019, I've been listening to a lot of negative self talk in my head.  Words that try to take away my hope and my focus. Sentences that start with a lot of "You're never going to..." and having to fight feelings of giving up before I've even given myself a chance in this new year.

Change that lasts starts out small. Forming new habits and sticking to them takes time. Keeping my eyes focused on the little victories is important. When that discouragement strikes it's because I've taken my eyes off of the step directly in front of me and I'm looking at how far away the goal line is. It's when I look at something that seems just so.far.away that the hopelessness of ever reaching it creeps in.

I'm like Peter...I take that first step out onto the water but then I look at the storm..or listen to the lies...and I start to sink. (Matthew 14:28-33)

Another stumbling block for me right now that is leading to discouragement is comparison. It's so ridiculous that I can be perfectly content one moment focusing on taking the small baby steps in front of me...and then I read another blog post about someone with goals that are so much bigger and more advanced and it made the baby step progress that I've made feel pretty pathetic in comparison. Ten seconds later, those feelings of wanting to give up just grow exponentially! I feel shamed by my lack when I see other people's success in their journeys.

I was really struggling with these feelings this weekend. Living with a constant feeling of being "less than" made me grumpy and blue.

I went to Mass on Monday and spent some time afterwards praying and journaling everything I was feeling. I realized that I had my eyes on the storm but I just wasn't sure exactly what to do about it.

On Tuesday, I spent a short time in adoration. I read the daily readings while I was there. The Gospel
for the day was the multiplication of the loaves and fishes. (Mark 6:34-44) I felt like my small hopes and goals are my small offering of fishes and loaves....it's my opportunity to give what little I have to Jesus and allow Him to make a miracle out of it.

I have been focusing too much on my own lacks and inabilities. I need to bring all these doubts and negative feelings to God to see how He will transform them. I need to trust in His plan for me and focus on the things He puts on my heart. I need to focus on my journey and my progress...not on anyone else's path.

Like the quote says....

I also like what Lisa Brenninkmeyer says in a recent blogpost....."Ask the One who loves you to give you just a little more courage than fear."

More courage than fear...sounds like a good thing to focus on in 2019.

How are you doing with the areas you are focusing on this year??

And...That's a Wrap! Goodbye, 2018!

Happy New Year!
I am always amazed at how the last 2 weeks of December just whip by SO quickly! As usual, those two weeks were filled to the brim with parties, baking, cooking, more baking, more parties, and, most importantly, some really great family time.

I'm linking up with Kelly today and sharing some highlights!

1. Adventures In The Big Apple

Ellie's Latin Class took a field trip and I went as one of the chaperones. I've never been to New York City at Christmas and felt a mix of excited, (about seeing all the Christmas decorations it's famous for), and dread, (I'm not a city lover, get overwhelmed(and lost) easily when I'm in unfamiliar places, and crowds are not my thing.) But there was no way I was sending my child to New York City without me and Jay was out of vacation days....so there you go! We had to get up at the unGodly hour of 3:45am to get ready and be at school for 5. It took us over 5 hours to get to the MET. We raced around the museum for an hour and a half to see as much as we could. We had lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe. Then we walked around the city until our meeting time of 545. Our bus got stuck in traffic so we waited in the rain for an hour before we got to leave and I pulled into our driveway at just after midnight. It was a long day! Here are some of my observations:

~Art is not my thing. I just can't appreciate all the naked statues the way the artists would want me to appreciate them. I walked around those areas of the museum and all I could think about was what my older boys would rename the art pieces and giggling in my head.( I know..so mature, right!?! My apologies to the art lovers reading this!)

~New York City is like being in Disney World on the busiest day of the year except it's dirty and no one is having a Magical Day. There were even people in creepy Minnie and Mickey costumes that tried(aggressively) to get you to take a selfie with them and then force you to give them money. 

~Rockefeller Center is much smaller than it looks on TV.

~I let the 3 girls that were part of my group that I managed to keep together...not a fan of mixed groups just being able to walk off on their own and "check in" by cell phone occasionally....choose what they wanted to see. After Rockefeller Center, we spent time in the Nintendo store, got some pastries bc we were exhausted and needed some sugar, and then browsed in the book store and the library.(SO thankful I had some book lovers!) 

~My favorite stop was when I made the girls go into St. Patrick's Cathedral. It's BEAUTIFUL in there...and I would have loved to spend more time but one of the girls clearly wasn't interested. In the church, I searched around until I found Jesus and spent some time in adoration because I was desperate for a few minutes of silence!

~I am definitely a country mouse!

2. Our December Baby

My baby turned 7!! It's making me a little sad that Kate is getting so big and so much older! Being a December baby is really special...and also a little challenging for moms to make sure they get to feel special when Christmas looms so big. We had a family party and Kate requested a Trolls theme. My mil made another awesome birthday cake and Kate had fun playing with her cousins and being the center of attention. This little girl is just so incredibly loved and I thank God all the time that He blessed us with our compassionate, smart, sweet with a side of sass, bonus bonus baby. (and that's not a typo because Luke is our original bonus baby.:) 

3. Christmas Concerts and Cookie Baking

Kate and Luke sang in their school's Christmas concert and Nativity pageant, which is always cute. Peter's class also was part of a Christmas concert and potluck luncheon, which is always really touching. This year, multiple programs from the collaborative he belongs to joined in and it was just amazing to see the work all the teachers and aides put in with these beautiful children and how much they are loved and cared for through all of their very apparent disabilities. There was one little girl in particular that was very disabled. Watching her teacher and then her mom and grandparents with her was so emotional for me. My eyes "leaked" a few times. I was overwhelmed by the loving way they cared for her, and I also felt very grateful that Peter does not have any physical disabilities. Peter certainly has lots of challenges, but I think it was good to be reminded that there are always people that have more struggles than I do. 

Peter before the concert:)

4. Family Celebrations

We had lots of family celebrations over the course of a week! The Sunday before Christmas we hosted my Dad's side of the family. My parents did most of the cooking, and we provided the venue. Kate and Luke had fun with my cousin's young boys and the adults enjoyed catching up and a very tame Yankee Swap!

Christmas Eve was at Jay's sister's house with his parents and his sister's in-laws. We had lots of great food, lots of shenanigans, good company, and the kids enjoyed opening presents from Grandma and Grandpa!

silliness

Luke picked out this Patriot's pot holder at a local fair and bought it with his spending money bc he knows how much Grandma loves the Patriots!

Poor Ellie caught between the two biggest teasers!

Christmas Day was a really nice day! The kids always wake up super early..we were opening presents by 5:45. We go to 8am Mass...since we are up anyway and I love going to Mass on Christmas morning..and then back home for some family time and lunch prep. My parents, sister, grandfather, great uncle, and Jay's parents all joined us. This year I made prime rib for the first time ever! Jay got me one of those special thermometers that stays in the meat while it cooks and I think that was the key for me. It came out really good and the homemade gravy made with fresh herbs was awesome! I am so happy with the way it tasted...I was SO afraid that I was going to ruin such an expensive cut of meat!

During Mass, Luke looked so cute in his alter server clothes.
At one point, he was standing on the alter waiting to help and singing and he looked so darn cute that I wanted to take a video...but since it was in the middle of Mass, I just took a picture with my heart.<3

The afternoon ended with opening presents with my family and then just hanging out at home. Jay and I both had the day off after Christmas and it was so great to go to Mass in the morning and just hang out at home being lazy. The little kids were busy playing with their new toys and art supplies, and Jay and I spent most of the day laying on the couch watching Hallmark movies and napping. It.was.glorious!

We had one more Christmas get together with Jay's parents and both his sisters at our house the Saturday after Christmas. We all threw in for pizza, I made a salad and Jay's mom made cupcakes and chocolate cream pie. It was fun to spend time together and it was even better because I didn't have to cook anything!

5. New Year's Eve and 6. New Year's Day

We spent New Year's Eve at home with everyone but Mike.(He had bigger plans:) Our future daughters-in-law, their parents, one of their sister's, Andrew's friend, and 2 more friends joined our festivities. We had a gingerbread house competition that was a lot of fun! I put the pictures of our creations on Facebook and asked all my friends to vote for their favorite until 11pm. It worked out great.

We also had a "Banana Madness" competition...think March Madness brackets with the game, Bananagrams. I got the game for Peter for Christmas and some people in the family got a little obsessed with it. (me included:) So we picked up a couple more Bananagram games and we had a fun tournament. It came down to Andrew and Liz...and Andrew ended up being "top banana". We also played an easy dice game called Left, Right, Center that I borrowed from my coworker. That was really fun too! 

The games ended at 11:55 so we watched the ball drop, said "Happy New Year", then everyone left by 12:15 and it was a race to see who could get to bed first!

9am Mass came really fast, and we dragged our tired selves out to celebrate a special feast day: Mary, Mother of God. Jay had to work for a few hours because it was his holiday to cover, but he was home by one to have a late lunch at my parent's house for yet another party! (And many of us played more games of Bananagrams!:) 

I'm all partied out for quite a while!

This super cute scene was not the winner...ignore the numbers.(they were for voting purposes)

The 2nd place creation

Jay, Jon, Luke and Kate were trying to make a gingerbread ATAT. It started out well..... 

but ended in a hot mess! lol

This pirate ship made by Andrew and his friend, John, was actually my favorite for their creativity!
Note the elf mermaid with a shell bathing suit and the devil dog whale breaching next to the ship!

 

Santa walking the plank! lol

Introducing the winning gingerbread house made by Sarah, our future dil, Marisa, and family friend, Julie...they did an amazing job!

Look at this cute "front yard"...love the trees and the polar bear!

This was the back of the winning house...hand piping was done by Sarah and that clock is super cute!

7. Resolutions

My New Year's Resolution is to not make a resolution but spend time praying about the areas I feel God is inspiring me to work on this year. I know I want to keep exercising regularly and eat healthier...I mean, who doesn't after all the holiday food we consume in such a short span of time! There are 9 months until Andrew and Liz's wedding(!!!!) and I would like to feel good about myself in whatever dress I'm wearing on that special day. (I can't believe this is will be the year that the first of our children starts another branch of our family tree! It's so surreal!!

I've spent the last 5 months of 2018 finally being more purposeful with our finances. It's been a positive experience and I want to keep stream lining and moving forward. 

I've also spent the last 5 months of 2018 reading more on minimalism and trying to cut down on the clutter that gets in our way but isn't used. I'm looking forward to more purging and organizing in 2019!

I want to read more in 2019. I love to read but don't spend enough time doing it. So, less scrolling on my phone and more time with books is definitely a goal I have! I placed two books on hold at the library and will be picking them up on Saturday!

Mostly, I want to spend 2019 trying to listen to God's still, small voice inside of me and live each day in the way that still, small voice is drawing me. 

Well...there was nothing quick about these "7 quick takes"! Thanks for sticking it out to the end!
I hope 2019 is off to a good start for you!

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