Engagement Day

As promised, I have lots of details and pictures of Jon and Marisa's Engagement Day!

About two weeks ago, Jon proposed to Marisa. They have been dating for a little more than 3 1/2 years and Jon has been planning to propose since November.  In January, Jon purchased the ring and met with Marisa's Dad on the sly to ask his permission to marry his daughter. (I LOVE this tradition!) Then we waited...and waited..and waited.. for Jon to determine the right moment to propose. (I may have been just a "tad" impatient. But I kept reminding myself that this is Jon's story to tell and I had to just keep quiet and wait! so.not.easy!)

Jon had a lot of different ideas for proposing. He finally settled on making the big moment on Second Beach in Newport, which is a beach Marisa really loves to go to. Thankfully the weather was good because I don't think Jon had a Plan B...we joked that he would have to go the the New Bedford Whaling Museum to propose since that was where their first date happened way back in August, 2014!

Jon picked up Marisa and they drove to Newport for a late lunch of chowder and salad. Then, they went for what Marisa thought was just a nice walk on the beach on a beautiful sunny day. They were holding hands and Marisa was a little ahead of Jon when he tugged her back towards him. When she turned back, Jon was down on one knee with the ring in his hand. Marisa was COMPLETELY surprised. When Marisa looked at Jon, she called out, "Shut up! No...I mean YES!" So Jon told everyone that she said no at first but then changed her mind! (Once a tease, always a tease!)

Thankfully there was a nice couple on the beach that took a picture of the newly engaged couple.

Jon and Marisa

I offered to Jon to host a surprise engagement party the night he proposed. This way, he could surprise Marisa twice in one day and celebrate with parents, grandparents, siblings and friends that would make up the bridal party all together in one place. Most of the people attending the party thought that Jon was throwing a surprise birthday party for Marisa. Since Jon will be in Ireland for Marisa's birthday, it was a good cover! So the surprise party was really a surprise inside a surprise!

None of my kids knew...though Sarah and Andrew were suspicious...so planning and decorating were challenging! I had several decorations that were engagement theme hidden away that I pulled out once Marisa and Jon came in and announced their good news. As part of the decorations, I had a bunch of pictures of Jon and Marisa developed and framed around the house. I even managed to get a picture of the beach engagement. Jon and I had a special code. When he texted me, "What's for dinner?", that was my cue that "the deed had been done" and that he had emailed me pictures. I quickly went to the CVS website, uploaded the pics, and Jay picked them up for me 10 minutes before everyone arrived! I love creating the little, special details!!

Ellie really had no idea the engagement was happening that day. I happened to pick a bottle of Coke at the store that had Family written on it. Before the party started, Ellie said, "We can't use this soda...Marisa is only a friend." It was SO hard not to blow the secret in that moment!
So, of course, I had to take a picture of it!

The party was really wonderful and it was fun celebrating Jon and Marisa with everyone and sharing their joy! So much happiness and wonderful memories with the hope of lots more happy memories to come!!

Sarah was our crafty girl with making the vases

Peter came home the day of the party with a heart string art gift for me for Mother's Day.
Instant decor!

We had to include a pic of Marisa with our dog, Josie!
Marisa loves Josie almost as much as Jon!

Triumphant entrance!

Showing off the ring hand:)

Happy hugs from Marisa's mom

Marisa with her parents

A very happy Kate! Kate LOVES Marisa and is very happy she is going to be a Hamel!

Marisa with her friends, Violet and Emily

Marisa with her sister, Bridget

Marisa and Peter

Future sisters-in-law

Jon with his friends

Some of the decorations that joined the party once the secret was spilled

I found this sign online and it became the theme of the night!

Jon and Marisa being good sports and posing for goofy shots:)

Another add on...special cupcake toppers! A very cool Etsy find!

Marisa with my mom and Jay's mom

Marisa with her future brothers-in-law

The future Mr. & Mrs.
Coming May, 2020

Growing Our Family In A Whole New Way!

This was the amazing moment that I have been keeping quiet for over four months!

To get to "E" Day...(Engagement Day, get it?;)...I need to rewind to a few days before Thanksgiving. It was the Tuesday morning of Thanksgiving week and I was just about ready to leave for work. The only other person still in the house was Jon. Jon is a very faith filled young man and had spent several months discerning the vocation God was leading him to. As a mom, my heart was torn. I wanted Jon to walk the path that God meant for him. I was just very attached to Marisa, Jon's girlfriend of 3+ years...we all are!...and thinking about her not being a part of our family made me feel very sad.  Because Marisa has been a part of our lives for so long and fit into our family so well, it would be a true loss for all of us if she wasn't around anymore. However, choosing a vocation was Jon's journey, and it was very emotional for me to stand by and wait. It's definitely part of the "Art of Letting Go" as your children embark on the journey to become the person they are meant to be. As a mom, I have to step back and let go of my own hopes and dreams for my children and work to embrace who they are meant to be. It's definitely not easy! With lots of children, I will definitely get lots of practice!

That particular morning in November, Jon nonchalantly told me that he decided that he was called to the vocation of marriage and that he was going to propose to Marisa.  

I was certainly surprised! I was very happy! Jay and I love Marisa. She's been around our family for a long time, so hearing that she was going to be an official member just felt right. I may have cried just a little when Jon told me the good news. 

I'm sure I had a really big smile on my face at work all morning, but I had promised to keep the news a secret from everyone except Jay. We texted happily back and forth most of the day. 

Emotions are a funny thing....

That same afternoon I spent quite a bit of time crying! This time, there was quite a bit of grief mixed in with the joy. The realization that my son was ready to take this big step into independence and away from the fold of our family hit me hard. I was thinking how the house would feel once Jon didn't live here anymore: How I would miss hearing him play music in the shower, see him napping on the couch, sharing casual conversation as he sat in the living room, and not having his  silly/teasing personality interacting with his siblings. The grief I felt hit me like a tornado and then left just as quickly. I couldn't believe my yo-yo of emotions!

Thankfully, it was the joy and excitement that returned!(Jay just shook his head at me!)

It was really fun hearing Jon's ideas about proposing. Jon also asked me to go with him when he picked out the ring! That really made my heart SO happy that he asked me to be a part of something so special.

Jon is humoring me with my picture requests!

The entire time that Jon was shopping, I had the refrain line from Matthew West's song, "Day One", stuck in my head. 

It was such a momentous occasion....a defining moment for Jon that I understood the depth of in a much different way than my son. I had to keep reminding myself to just be in the moment that day.  I was trying to be a loving supportive mom...and not get stuck in the whirlwind of my emotions! There was a part of me that just kept thinking that it was impossible that I have a child who is no longer a child and is ready to branch off into his own life. How did this even happen?!? I still have no idea...but this post is not the time to delve into my current identity crisis!

Jon did a great job picking out the ring! Jon had consulted with Marisa's sister, Bridget, who knew the details of what Marisa liked. Jon had a budget in mind...which did increase just a tad once he saw the actual rings. Jon had a good balance of staying in his comfort zone and picking out a beautiful, classy ring that he thought Marisa would love.

And, once again, I had to remain silent! Argghh...it was SO hard! There were many times I almost slipped...especially in front of Sarah! It's hard to hold back something so exciting.

I'm writing this with a yet unknown number of days until "E Day".  It's a snowy day. Kids are headed off to school. I'm home with Peter who is recovering from 5 days of having a fever, and trying to figure out when I can fit in a trip to the grocery store and the bank. Everything seems to be just a regular normal day.

And yet, there's a countdown to one brief moment that will be the beginning of many changes and another stage entirely for our family. We're going to be growing our family in a whole new way...and I couldn't be happier about it!

p.s. I will share the details about the actual proposal and the Engagement Party we had for them in another post coming soon!
#SpoilerAlert...she said "yes"!

Jon and Marisa

Sacrament Week

I have dubbed last week as "Sacrament Week" for our family!

Last Wednesday night, both Peter and Ellie received the Sacrament of Confirmation. It was a great night for both of them.

Peter chose Jon to be his sponsor and he chose the name Nicholas as his Confirmation name.

Ellie chose my dad to be her sponsor and chose the name Therese as her Confirmation name.

Ellie is just a tad taller than my Dad!
She did have small heels on...but her 5'9" height beats out my Dad's 5'6"

It was really such a grace filled night. I am so grateful for the blessings. Ellie is such a faith filled young lady that Jay and I are so incredibly proud of.

Having Peter receive Confirmation in the same ceremony was really special to us. Peter did a great job with a little prompting from Jon. Having Peter reach a "neurotypical" milestone always touches me in a special way!

Just a few short days later, Luke made his First Communion! (Hence, Sacrament Week!) It's always such a special day when one of our children receives Jesus for the first time! Even though Luke is our 7th child to receive First Communion, I can honestly say it is just as special as when our firstborn received for the first time.

Luke is such a good boy with a very big heart. Luke was SO excited to receive his First Communion! The night before at dinner, Luke randomly called out, "Who's excited to see me receive my First Communion? Raise your hand!" 

He just cracks us up!

Here are some of my favorite pics from the day!

Luke's and his cousin, Brayden, made their First Communion together!

Luke with our Pastor, Fr. Williams

Luke with my parents

Luke with Jay's parents

Luke, Kate, Jon, and Jon's girlfriend, Marisa

Luke with his sisters

brother shot!

Luke, Kate, Andrew and Andrew's girlfriend, Liz

Luke with my grandfather.."Pepere"

Beautiful Kate made by Grandma Hamel!

BONUS PHOTO

I was putting something away in our closet yesterday, (a few days after Luke's big day), and spied a bag of old photos Jay's mom had given him when his grandmother passed away about 8 years ago.  I came across this gem of Jay with his grandparents and sisters on the day of HIS First Communion! I thought it was a little "Godincidence" because Luke had been talking to Jay before his First Communion about Jay's "Babi and Pupa" and decided to offer his First Communion for them. 

Jay, Pupa, Babi holding Jackie, & Julie

Faith and family...it doesn't get much better than that! 

This coming weekend is being dubbed "Milestone Weekend"....more on that next week!

When Your Emotions Are Stuck in a Holy Saturday State of Mind

Have you ever had emotions that didn't match the season of everyday life?
Maybe the sunshine outside doesn't break in through the clouds taking up residence inside of you?

Lent ended a couple of weeks ago, but the Holy Saturday reflection from Dynamic Catholic has bounced around in my head since I heard it. I know most people have happily moved past their Lenten sacrifices and happily embraced the smells(flowers), sounds(Alleluia), and tastes(CHOCOLATE!) of Easter. So, this will probably feel like regression, but bear with me!

When I think of the Apostles on Good Friday, I think of their shock, fear, and tremendous grief. One minute they're having this amazing experience at the Last Supper and, just a short time later, their Teacher who they love and respect and believe in has been arrested, tortured, and killed. They are traumatized and in shock!

By Holy Saturday, their initial shock has worn off and what's left is the confusion and pain. And they have no idea what to do with it all. In Dynamic Catholic's Holy Saturday reflection, Matthew Kelly talked about how confused and disoriented the Apostles felt on Holy Saturday. The Apostles questioned everything they had lived over the last 3 years.

Their "normal" had been shattered. Their lives as they were no longer existed. They don't know where to even start trying to rebuild their life or how to figure out their "new normal".

And then comes Easter.

Peace, hope, and consolation floods in. Easter transforms the trauma and grief the apostles went through. Easter doesn't take away the memory of the fear and grief they experienced, but it takes away the sting of the intense emotions. Easter gives them a rope to be pulled out of their pit of grief, gives them a break from their crushing emotions, and helps them to see and feel the light of hope and possibility that the next moment will not be as bleak as the darkness they have been surrounded by.

Everyone has gone through some kind of traumatic situation in life: maybe it's the death of a parent child, or friend; a terrible diagnosis; the loss of a job; infertility; serious financial trouble, etc., etc. We all go through our own Good Friday. We all get blindsided by the ugliness and grief and trauma that a difficult situation brings.

Even though it's the Easter Season, maybe you feel like you're still stuck in a Holy Saturday state of mind?

I have several friends that have some big life struggles they are dealing with right now. I know that they are stuck in that place of pain, brokenness, doubt and fear that nothing will ever feel "normal" again. They don't even know how to start walking towards the path of their "new normal".

"Broken Hope"

Thankfully, we know the ending. Easter will come even if it feels like it never will at this moment. God will resurrect your pain and brokenness into something new. He will bring good out of all the suffering. Hold tight to His promises not to break the bruised reed.(Matthew 12:20)

He will make all things new.

Remember that you're in good company.  11 apostles know how you are feeling. You're not alone. And our Blessed Mother understands all that we are going through as well. She had her heart pierced, but she trusted with a perfect trust. We can lean on her.

Sometimes when I long to hear God and feel the comfort and peace I know only He can give me, I look for His touch in music. When I feel lost and confused I turn on our local KLOVE Christian radio station and pray that He will speak to me through a song. It's amazing how, when I feel I can't find the words to utter, that a song can touch me so deeply that it can reach the heartbreak I'm feeling and it feels like God is consoling me through the song. It might not take the pain away, but it makes me feel connected and understood.  It gives me a small ray of hope that can both strengthen me in the moment and help me to head in a more healing direction, even if it takes a while.

Here are a few songs that recently touched my heart. I hope they will speak to anyone reading this that is struggling....or that you will pass them along to someone you know that is stuck in a dark place.

And remember, no matter what darkness surrounds you, God will resurrect and transform it. Your Easter is coming!

It's Nor Over Yet by for King & Country

Jesus I Believe

Soar by Meredith Andrews

Musings Inspired By A Six Year Old

Kate is a little philosopher.

In February, we were invited by my parents on a wonderful Disney vacation. It was mid 80's the WHOLE time we were there which, after the cold winter we have had, was amazing! (As I write this, we are staring down our fourth nor'easter in 1/2 as many weeks. I am missing those 80 degree days!)

But I digress...

Kate just says the cutest, heartfelt things. While in Disney, Kate and I were 'ride buddies' for the Ariel ride in the Magic Kingdom. During the ride when Ariel is facing her dilemma of being a mermaid but in love with a human, Kate looked at me and, with a very matter of fact tone said, "Mommy, people just need to live their own lives."

Then, just this morning, Kate and I were driving back from a doctor's visit, and we were discussing what movie she would like to watch together so she could rest. (She's been sporting a low grade fever and a nasty cold since Friday). I suggested Moana, because we own it but we haven't watched it in a while and it's more of a "girl" movie and there were no brothers home at the time. Kate said,(with an incredulous tone), "Moana's parents don't want her to leave the island. Didn't they know that the water was her friend?!? It called her!"

Out loud, I reminded Kate that Moana's Dad lost his best friend when he tried to leave the island so he was just afraid that something bad would happen to Moana. He was just trying to keep her safe.

Inside my head and my heart, I have to admit that I kind of like Moana's Dad's plan just a little. Or maybe even more than a little if I'm completely honest!

Our family is standing on the brink of some enormous change! In just two short months, there will be two additional college graduates in the house. Andrew has already secured his first real job after he attended a recent job fair. God's fingerprints are all over this new opportunity that will start right after his May graduation. I think Andrew's plan is to live at home for at least a little while to pay down some of his college loans more quickly, but I don't foresee it being all that long until he ventures out to live in one of his best friend's apartment.

Andrew and Kate

Jon will also be graduating in May and just the other day sent his letter into UNH accepting an assistantship position and securing his spot in their Ocean Engineering Graduate Program that starts at the end of August. Since he lived home over the last four years and commuted to college, this will be a very big change for us. Once he leaves in August, my guess is that his presence in our house will be mostly as a visitor. Jon's grad school program is two years long and includes two summers. Once those 2+ years have gone by, I think Jon will be moving on in a way that won't include returning to our home as a permanent resident.(At least Ellie is hoping he doesn't move back...she has already called "dibs" on his room.)

Jon and his girlfriend, Marisa

Plus, Jon will be spending several weeks traveling in Ireland starting at the end of May. He has such wanderlust....and saved all last summer to afford to take this trip. Gotta love all the opportunities that parenthood gives us to work on growing and stretching beyond our comfort zones!

Yes...Moana's father and I could be VERY good friends...

Mike is looking to spread his wings a little farther than the apartment that's 5 minutes away from us. A new job and a new adventure are right around the corner for him, we just don't know all the details yet.

Mike and me

And Sarah...she's pushing the growing up envelope too! She started college just this year. But, because of all the AP classes she took in high school and a CLEP test she took last summer, Sarah started off with so many college credits that she is actually a junior!! Blows.my.mind! This overachieving daughter of ours continues to overachieve in college, and next year at this time she will be making her own decision about where to go to graduate school. And it won't be a commuting school, either!

Sarah, me, and Ellie

And, just like that, our daily household will shrink from 8 kids to 4.

I am in denial...and shock.

So many different emotions swirl through me every day. I am proud of the paths my kids have chosen so far. I'm excited for all these new opportunities that are opening up before them. Their eyes are open wide and all their senses ready for all these new adventures and to see where life will bring them. The small world that had their family as the center is now expanding rapidly. I know we will always be a part of their lives, but we are no longer the center. My role for my older crew is less and less of a caretaker and more and more that of a cheerleader.

I know that, as a parent, this place that I am right now with my older crew is progressing exactly as it should be. I am so grateful for that. But it's also incredibly painful! Change...even good change...is not easy. There is much grief mixed with the joy because life as I have lived for the last 25 years is ending. My identity is changing. The way I relate to my older kids is changing. Slowly over the last several years, I have started to let go and they have taken the reigns of their own lives. I offer ideas, and suggestions, and advice, but then back away to let them make the decisions. Before too long, the big decisions they make will be completely on their own...and eventually with their spouses.

I look at Ellie and I know that her high school years will go by incredibly fast. The slow letting go process has already begun. I try to ignore it...but I can't stop it no matter how much I might want to some days.

Marisa, Jon, and Ellie

Peter is approaching 6 feet tall and will be 17 in July! Looking to the future for Peter is even more of a challenge. Trying to figure out how to help him have a fulfilling life and making sure he's cared for by people that love him is a focus I have and am praying about.

Peter and Mike

I look at my not so little Luke and I cringe because I know what's coming. I see the changes in him already. He doesn't run over and give me giant hugs when I see him at school with his friends now. I get a smile and a wave. That didn't happen when this school year started! I might have cried a little on the inside the first time it happened....A little on the outside too once I got to my car! Thankfully, Luke is still very affectionate when we are at home! But I know that won't last forever either.

Luke

And my Kate, my sweet girl with a side of sass. She has changed and grown so much this year. She is another overachiever and very sensitive. Thankfully, Kate is still very affectionate and still runs over to give me hugs when I see her at school no matter who is watching! She snuggles on my lap now and her gangly, Hamel legs seem to have no place to go. She is my littlest, but already so big. My heart aches a little at every milestone she makes because it marks the last of the firsts that we will go through with our kids.

Kate

Our family has been like an island, and now more of my children are setting out to chart their own lives. It's kind of like childbirth. Once a baby is ready to be born there's no stopping the process. The same holds true for young adulthood. There's no holding them back once they are ready to move on. It's truly bittersweet.