The Gift of Rest

The peace of this school vacation week has been a balm to my very weary soul. After a Lent that was full to the brim, a nonstop Holy Week, and Easter day, having time to just "be" and think, nap and even deep clean(!) has felt so amazing. I've tried to enjoy this slower pace and allow each day to just develop. Going into the week, I actually felt a lot of guilt and stress because I wanted to have a few fun things planned to do with Kate and Luke and I was having a hard time figuring what to do. I still feel out of my element trying to plan fun things for my young teens. I miss the days when trips to the zoo and playground made them so excited and made me feel like a really good mom! It took some work, but I was able to surrender all the hard feelings and spend some time praying each day that God would help me plan what was best for all of us. Because in the past, the guilt has totally derailed the time off I had and left me feeling deflated and discouraged...and I didn't want that to happen again.

And while we haven't done anything big most of the week, the kids have actually enjoyed the slower pace as well. They did some deep cleaning of their rooms(my favorite), and had lots of time to work on their own craft projects.(their favorite!) Kate had some time with friends and they both had a couple of Jackbox game nights with some of their siblings. We went out for ice cream, breakfast and lunch on three different days. Jay was able to get an unexpected day off on Friday, so we are going to take Kate and Luke on a day trip to Boston. (Which makes me feel good that we can provide a little adventure and "small" family time for them!) And Luke and Jay are going to see the 25th anniversary showing of Revenge of the Sith on Saturday, which Luke is really excited about. 

This little hiatus from my usual full time schedule is making me long for summer to arrive quickly to experience even more of this slower pace.  And while I've had moments of anxiety about the return to normal chaos next week, I keep just turning my thoughts to gratitude for the time that I've been given.

Today, after sharing takeout lunch and a boba smoothie with Luke and Kate, I sat on the steps of our deck in the sunshine. The weather was just perfect and I felt so calm as the warmth of the wood seeped into my legs, the sound of birds singing filled my ears, and the beautiful colors of spring filled me with anticipation for the summer weather that will be coming before I know it. 

As I sat on the deck reading a book, (a true luxury in the middle of the day for me), I saw a crow perching at the very tip of the fir tree in our yard. It flew away and a hawk came out from its hiding place in the same tree and flew into the woods.  I felt excited for the buds growing on the trees and plants and I love that the grass is so green! As I looked around, I was able to overlook the spattering of plastic Easter eggs still littering the yard, the dozen tomato stakes strewn across the patio that my grandson, Ambrose, relocated yesterday to make a "bridge", and the shed that needs repainting. My focus was not on what needed to be done, it was on the natural beauty all around me. I'm not always able to see that.

The landscape hasn't changed a whole lot in the last week, but my ability to receive it has. I've finally been able to stop and be fully present and allow myself to truly rest. It's been quite a long time since I've been able to slow my mind and body down enough to just live in the moment. It's made me realize how important this is and that I would like to feel this calm more often. At least for this week, I will receive it as the great gift that it is. 

My two princesses, Aurora and Claire!

Those cheeks!!!

End of Lent Pep Talk!

As Lent draws to a close, I find myself feeling a little disappointed. 

Let me clarify: I'm not disappointed about Lent being over. I'm starting to feel like Lent has been going on for.ev.er! And to be completely honest, Lent has never been my favorite season. It's all those involuntary sacrifices that pop up during Lent...the illnesses, unexpected medical procedures, unexpected losses, and unexpected hardships and inconveniences... that make each week even more, well, "Lenty", than I really wanted Lent to be.

The disappointment I feel comes from a place of unmet expectations about the changes that I hoped Lent would make in me. The growth that I thought might happen during Lent hasn't come to fruition yet. And since we are almost at the end, there's a good chance that I will fall short of my own hopes and goals.

But the key words in that last paragraph are "I" and "my", as in the changes that  "I" expected and "my" hopes and goals. Because Lent is supposed to be about growing closer to God by working on removing the things in my life that keep me from Him and adding things into my life that He inspires that will accomplish greater intimacy with Him. So what really matters isn't the direction that Lent took or how well I did or didn't do on the things I took away or the prayers that I added in. If I can focus on the areas of my heart that God did choose to work on and any growth that I can see, then maybe I can shift my attitude of disappointment to an "attitude of gratitude"!

Maybe some of us, (myself included), need an "End of Lent Pep Talk"!

I really need to remember that, just because parts of my Lent became a journey that I wasn't expecting, that doesn't mean that I haven't experienced growth. God did give me the grace of a big perspective shift right at the beginning of Lent.  By reading "Jesus and the Jubilee" by Dr. John Bergsma and listening to a podcast by Fr. Mike Schmitz on the desert as a place of training for the Israelites, I was able to enter Lent in a whole new way. 

I didn't enter Lent this year with a sense of dread for all those involuntary penances that would come my way. Instead, I entered Lent with a posture of curiosity as to what God was trying to teach me and heal me from. A small change in perspective can make a familiar time like Lent feel like a whole new experience.

I always thought of the Israelite's forty year journey through the desert as a punishment for their doubt, unbelief, and idol worshipping. But the Israelites time in the desert wasn't a punishment, it was a gift. It was a time when God drew the Israelites to Himself and worked to free them from the slavery mindset of Egypt that had been stamped into their hearts for hundreds of years. During the time in the desert, God taught the Israelites who He was and how to depend on Him. That generation spent the rest of their lives unlearning and being healed from all they had suffered.

By doing the hard work with God, the Israelites were writing a new story of healing and faith, not slavery, to pass down to the next generations. The Israelites needed a new story and so do we. 

We spend Lent wandering through the deserts of our own hearts where God is teaching us about who He really is and helping to separate us from our slavery mindset to the idols that we hold onto. Maybe we didn't make the progress that we wanted to this Lent...but I think if we spend some time reflecting, (and get past our perfectionism), that God will show us the progress we did make. And where we fell short gives us the opportunity to embrace our spiritual poverty and continue turning to God and ask for His help. 

We need to remember that our transformation and growth don't stop just because Lent ends. Especially this year! 2025 is a special year because Pope Francis has declared it a Jubilee year. A Jubilee year is filled with an outpouring of special graces given by God for healing and restoration for ourselves, our families, and our communities. In an article for Franciscan at Home titled "Jesus and the Jubilee: Reflections for the Jubilee Year 2025, Dr. Bergsma shares:

"Lived well, this Jubilee year can be a moment of miracle and grace for all of us, a kind of yearlong spiritual Christmas season in which we daily awake to open the grace that God our Father so lovingly gives us."

I don't know about you, but a "yearlong spiritual Christmas" sounds amazing! So even if Lent hasn't finished the way we wanted it to, let's continue leaning into the graces that this special Jubilee year offers to us each day. 

(And let's all try to keep our mind off of our own expectations and focus on the growth that God is doing in His time!)

Prayers for a blessed Holy Week and Easter!

pic from our trip to Niagara Falls last summer:)