We've come to a big milestone in our family. After 23 years, we are downsizing from a 12 passenger van to a minivan.
It feels like the end of an era. In some ways it is. When we bought our first big van, I was very pregnant with our fifth child. Even though we technically still fit in our minivan, with two car seats and three sons that were all very tall, (and not always tolerant of being squished together in a seat!), my husband and I made the leap to a 12 passenger van for the good of growing family ... and our sanity.
We added three more babies to our family in the years that followed and eventually traded our first van in for a more updated model. I found myself feeling a little emotional and nostalgic as I handed the van over. I still remember the first day we brought home our original van. With our two year old, Sarah, in her car seat, the boys all climbed in excitedly "claiming" seats and having lots of room to spread out. I can still hear Sarah's squeaky toddler voice in my head as we drove down the street with the windows down saying, "My hair's goin' 'whipedy, whipedy!" as her disheveled hair blew all over her face in the wind. (Sarah never liked having her hair in a pony tail!)
With only four kids left at home, downsizing seems like the right decision. I waffled a little as my husband and I discussed it. We have 5 young grandchildren.(#6 is due in November!) We are blessed that they all live locally and we get to see them all the time. But, in reality, I never have them all at once to drive around somewhere. So getting a big van for a very occasional opportunity didn't seem worth it.
Who knew that so much emotion could come out of buying a minivan!
This purchase has just been another area of reflection as I quickly approach a milestone birthday.
In the months leading up to fifty, I've been a little apprehensive about how I was going to handle it all. I've definitely been talking about it more in an effort to process my feelings and not just ignore or stuff them! (One of the benefits of experience is learning what doesn't work!)
A couple of weeks ago, our Deacon gave a homily where he talked about the Jubilee Year in Jewish tradition. God told the Jewish people that every seventh year was to be a year of rest for the people and the land. Every seven seventh year (7x7), God declared that the 50th year would be a Jubilee year. It was a year when debts were forgiven, slaves were set free, and land was returned.(see Leviticus 25 and Day 49 of Bible in a Year)
God works in special ways in the Jubilee Year. It's a year of rest and restoration, both for the land and the people. It's also a time of trust in God, because people had to trust that the provisions grown in year 48 would last through year 49 and 50 as well!
I felt like God was speaking to my heart in that homily. I felt like the Holy Spirit was talking to me about a personal "Jubilee Year". It made me think of the parts of me that are held in emotional bondage that I've been working on "setting free". It also made me think of the "land" as the parts of my heart that I have had to give away will be returned; The hope, joy, and love that I have "sold" because of my debt to fear, anxiety, and loss.
That homily changed my mindset of turning 50 from one of dread to one of hope and curiosity. It kept me from focusing on all the negatives of getting older. God used that homily to turn my focus back to Him and reminded me that God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
