I recently attended a funeral for my friend's dad. A funeral is always somber and emotional. Even though I didn't know my friend's dad, I still found myself tearing up as his grown children and the teenage and young adult grandchildren comforted each other. Loss is difficult, even when someone has had a long life. It's just so hard to say goodbye.
The Gospel reading the family chose was the story of Lazarus. Listening to it reminded me that I had written a blog post a while ago....it was June!!!...in my journal when I felt inspired in adoration. It never got onto my blog because I was waiting for the right timing and then I completely forgot about it until the funeral. When I went to try and find it in my journal, which I figured would take me a while, I opened up right to the page where it was written! I'm taking that as a "God wink" that the timing is now.:)
"When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, while Mary sat in the house. Martha said to Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. And even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you. Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again." Martha said to him, "I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day." Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and whoever lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this? She said to him, "Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the son of God, he who is coming into the world."(John 11:20-22)
Entering into Martha's grief, I feel the emotion in her words to Jesus. I hear the "Why, Lord?" I also see the trust. Martha knew and believed who Jesus was. Martha had hope in what Jesus could do in this life and, more importantly, she had the hope of eternal life.
I cry out "Why, Lord?" to God in really hard situations. Grief is so painful to go through. Avoiding grief doesn't work. Although our minds think that it's self preservation, stuffing our feelings just makes everything harder. Having to go through grief reminds me of one of my kids favorite children’s books, “We’re Going On a Bear Hunt”. Here's my spin on it:
“Uh Oh, Grief! We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it. Oh no, we have to go through it.”
I wrestle with the why in difficult life situations, especially in moments of great loss. I wrestle to understand and make sense of the pain. So did Martha. It had been four days since her brother had died. More than that since Mary and Martha had sent word to Jesus, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” They had been living the fear, angst, and grief of loss.
Both Mary and Martha told Jesus at separate moments, “Lord if you had been here my brother would not have died.”(Martha in verse 21 and Mary in verse 32.) Mary fell at Jesus’ feet weeping in grief as she said the words. I have done the same; weeping in adoration as my broken heart continued to break as I cried to Him, "If only You had not let this happen to us.”
And just as He felt with Mary in verse 33, Jesus’ heart is “moved in spirit and troubled” when we pour out our broken hearts before Him. Just as He asks Mary, “Where have you laid him?”, Jesus asks us in those moments that grief overwhelms us, “Where is your brokenness? Where are your dead places? Show me the places where you only see brokenness and despair.”
This Bible story doesn't end with Martha and Mary's grief. This is a story about God's plans being greater than our plans. This is a story of miracles and healing. When does healing happen? I think that there are three steps that Jesus shows us in the healing of Lazarus that we can ponder in our own lives.
"Then Mary, when she came where Jesus was and saw him, fell at his feet, saying to him, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled; and he said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to him, "Lord, come and see."
The first step towards healing is when we tell Jesus, “Come and see.” Martha and Mary brought Jesus to the source of their pain. We need to do the same. When we show Him where our hurts are and when we show Him where our brokenness is....that's when we open ourselves to the grace to start the journey towards healing.
What did Martha and Mary expect to happen at the tomb? Not the miracle of their brother being raised from the dead. They were too grief stricken. They thought all hope had passed. They thought that they missed out on the miracle that could have been..."Lord, if you had been here...".
But Jesus had another plan. He always has a plan. We often don't understand or "see it". We get trapped in our grief and stuck in everything that seems impossible and hopeless. We forget the words in Matthew 19:26; "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." That's the second step; Faith. Can we push past our limited vision and be open to possibility...especially impossibilities? Can we be open and vulnerable even it we don't have the answers or the final outcome all worked out? That's not easy!
Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb; it was a cave and a stone lay upon it. Jesus said, "Take away the stone." Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, "Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days." Jesus said to her, "Did I not tell you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?"
Jesus says "Take away the stone" and Martha says, "Lord, there will be an odor." Martha could not see past the pain and loss. She saw no other possibility than the reality of the moment. It cost too much to hope in a seemingly hopeless situation. But Jesus knows and understands how much Martha is hurting, so He encourages Martha. "Did I not tell you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?" I hear those words spoken with a tone of comfort and gentleness. I hope you can too.
Jesus encourages us to open our brokenness to Him. He encourages us to allow Him access to the areas in our life that are dead and seem hopeless. That's the third step. We have to "roll away the stone". We have to let down all of our modes of self protection-all the walls we've emotionally erected to try and keep the pain away. We need to step away from all the distractions that we try to avoid looking at and feeling our hurt and brokenness. We need to not be afraid of the "odor" of our festering wounds caused by others and by our own sins. We need to be willing to reopen the wound, because what is hidden cannot be healed.
Don't just skim over that last sentence. Say it slowly and let it sink in.
What is hidden cannot be healed.
This time of year is filled with lots of traditions, family and checking things off the endless lists to create special holiday moments. For many of us, this time of year also carries a lot of sadness and big emotions that we can often try to white knuckle through. Using sheer will to "get through" the holidays isn't good, and in the end just leaves us with more brokenness. It also steals our joy. Advent is the perfect time to let His light into the darkness of our hearts.
Where are your broken places? Where do you feel dead inside? Where have you lost hope? Bring Jesus to those places. Remove those heavy stones and see what Jesus' plan is. Let's all try to bring our brokenness to God, have faith(and patience) while we wait for Him to show us His plan, and roll away the stone around our hurts to give God access to bring true healing.
"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him." 1Cor 2:9
