About two months ago, I was in my weekly Saturday morning adoration hour and I was struggling emotionally. One of the things I usually do during that hour is to say a prayer and open my Bible and read the passage that is in front of me. Sometimes, it feels like an "inspired flip"...other days, not so much.
On that particular Saturday, I flipped to the beginning of Mark Chapter 5, which is the story of the Gerasene demoniac. That reading didn't feel particularly comforting to my hurting heart. I didn't feel any real connection to it. Not that it's abnormal...it's not like every week I turn to a passage that feels like God is saying something just to me. Far from it. It's just that on that particular Saturday, I was really hoping for some guidance and consolation.
The next day, we were at Mass and the reading was from Mark 10: 46-52. It's the story of the blind beggar, Bartimaeus. You can imagine my surprise when our Pastor, Fr. Ryan, connected the story of the Gerasene demoniac during the homily! Fr. Ryan talked about how both stories happened in the same geographical area. The Gerasene demoniac story happened a while before Jesus healed Bartimaeus.
When Jesus went to the country of the Gerasenes and healed the demoniac, the people in the area asked him to leave. The demoniac begged to go with Jesus, but Jesus told him to ""Go home to your friends, and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you." And he went away and began to proclaim in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him; and all men marveled."(Mark 5:19-20)
When Jesus goes back to that same area some time later, one man's story of being healed has changed everyone’s reaction. When Jesus arrives the second time, all kinds of people come out to see Him and ask for healing, which was such a different reception than the first visit. Because of the healed demoniac, Bartimaeus knew what Jesus could do. Bartimaeus had hope and faith that Jesus could heal him too.
One person't story gave another person hope.
As Fr. Ryan preached, my mind was moving a million miles a minute! I was trying to absorb everything he was saying and, at the same time, my heart was being touched by so many different aspects of his homily. (Thankfully, I wrote it all in my journal later that day since it's taken me almost two months to blog about it!)
One thing that touched me deeply....
Fr. Ryan emphasized in his homily how "just one person was worth Jesus' time and energy". Jesus knew that the people in the town were going to be all freaked out and ask Him to leave. But Jesus still went. He even traveled through a great storm and scared the apostles to get there!(see Mark 4:35-41)
I spent some time thinking about that demoniac...pre-healing. That man "lived among the tombs", "no one could subdue him", "chains he wrenched..shackles he broke", "night and day he was always crying out, and bruising himself with stones". That poor man was a wreck. Everyone knew it and no one could do anything about it.
Then I thought about myself. How sometimes I'm a wreck. Maybe everyone doesn't know it...but Someone does. He sees my pain. He sees the way I cry out night and day. The way my fear and sadness and burdens bruise my soul. How no one is able to help me. That I feel alienated and alone.
And I realized that Jesus will come for me, too. That I'm important to Him. Even if it's only me. He sees me when I'm in incredible pain, brokenness, loneliness and emotional torment.
It doesn't stop there either. As He heals me, even if it's not instantaneous like is was for the demoniac, He will use my story to give another person hope.
Maybe you're hurting right now? Maybe you're crying out night and day? Maybe your fear and sadness and burdens bruise your soul? Maybe you feel no one can help you? Maybe you feel alienated and alone?
God comes for you. You are important to Him. Even if it's only you. He sees you when you're in incredible pain, brokenness, loneliness and emotional torment. And in time, when you are healed, He will use your story to give another person hope.
That Sunday, God even put an exclamation point to the hope and encouragement He had poured into me through Fr. Ryan's homily. As Luke and I were waiting in the car after Mass for the rest of our crew, Luke pointed out two birds that were on the truck next to us. I looked and saw two sparrows. One flew away, and the other stood there for a minute and just looked at me. Then it flew away, too. For the last 18 months, sparrows have been my little signal grace from God. It's His "wink" to me to remind me that I'm important to Him, that He cares for me, and that He hasn't forgotten me.
"Fear not..you are of more value than many sparrows."(Matthew 10:31)
