Monday, December 14, 2020

Leaning In

This has been a hard year.

I'm not sure there's anyone in the entire world who doesn't share that sentiment in 2020. Since March, life has gone up, down, and sideways at a rate that has completely crushed any semblance of "normal". Fear, grief, loneliness, and loss have piled up in abundance. Hope and encouragement have often been as elusive as finding a package of toilet paper in April.

Nothing fits the way it should. (And I'm not just talking about the effect of stress eating and the dreaded "quarantine 19".)  




I mean that life doesn't "fit" the way it used to. Nothing is the same. School is different, work is different, getting together with people is different, shopping is different....it's all just so different. 

For just about everyone, the holidays look so different this year. We missed out normal Thanksgiving traditions and the extended family we usually see. Christmas will be more of the same. While I'm grateful that our families are healthy and doing ok right now, it's still sad. Grief has many different intensities, but after the year we have gone through, everyone is grieving on some level.

This has been the hardest year of my life. Covid, stress, personal struggles, and trying to help each of my kids navigate life through it all has just been so.very.much. Part of being a mom is trying to take care of everyone but there is just so much beyond our control. This year certainly highlighted all of that. 

2020 was a year of "leaning in". In March, I was leaning in on myself through making sure my family was fed and provided for despite how difficult it was to find groceries at times. I tried to understand what was happening through news outlets and online media. I tried to manage the home learning schedules and the extreme duress that our special needs son was experiencing and the behaviors that were manifesting because of the stress. I was praying, but I was still micromanaging as much as I could. (and it was exhausting)

By summer, there were so many things out of my control and understanding that leaning in on God was the only option. 

Seeking hope and not drowning in despair was my focus for many months. I know I'm not alone. So many people are hurting and struggling this year. Maybe the reasons aren't the same, but the feelings are.

There were scripture verses and lines from books I was reading that gave me life lines to hold onto during this difficult year. These words, that somehow managed to touch my heart, helped to give me some small hope...and hope has been a struggle.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a favorite verse of mine: 
"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, 
plans for welfare and not evil,
 to give you a future and a hope."
This year, Verses 12-14 also touched my heart:
"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 
You will seek me and find me; 
I will be found by you, says the Lord, 
and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations 
and all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, 
and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile."

So much hope in those verses...He has a plan for us, will hear us, we will find Him, He will restore us, and He will gather us. 

Galatians 6:9:
"And let us not grow weary in well-doing, 
for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart." 

Isn't is so hard to not lose heart during seasons of trials and suffering?

Psalm 27:13-14
"I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!
 Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; 
yea, wait for the Lord." 
Waiting is SO hard!

I hope if you're struggling right now, that these verses will bring you hope.  Knowing that we aren't alone in our heartaches opens the way for grace and healing. Our lives are more than highlight reels posted on social media. This year has brought several very big blessings that I look forward to sharing soon. Celebrating blessings is a good thing, but so is supporting and encouraging each other in times of struggle. 

I'm going to end with a quote from St. Mother Teresa: 
 
"So, if you're in a season of life that seems bleak and void of God's presence-don't give up or believe the lie that God has failed you. He is all around you, in control of all things, and working for your good and His glory."

Praying that we can all see His Hand on our lives...especially on the hard days.