My husband and I have entered into one of the final chapters of our parenting journey. (Or at least as the world would have you believe. Because in reality, being a parent never really ends. There are lots of sequels! It just looks a little different as kids reach adulthood.)
But we have arrived at a new milestone. Our youngest daughter is starting high school! Kate is the youngest of the eight children that we have been blessed to raise to adulthood. It's honestly surreal that it's here. There is a nineteen-year span between our oldest and youngest children. We have had lots of years with babies, toddlers, and teenagers that felt like they would go on forever!
Despite feeling that way on the hard days, overall it actually went by much too quickly!
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| One of my all-time favorite pics of Kate...her first day of preschool<3 |
Burning the Candle at Both Ends
Burning the parenting candle at both ends certainly had its challenges. It was brutal to be awake multiple times a night nursing a newborn while also waiting up to make sure our oldest kids drove home safely from whatever sport or social activity they were involved in! It was difficult to meet the needs of so many kids at so many different developmental stages. There was a LOT of juggling and a need for flexibility in our planning. And the ability to pivot. There was a lot of pivoting!
It also helped immensely that my husband and I make a really good tag team!
Just because we've done the "teenage thing" so many times before doesn't make it easy our eighth time around! Each of our children has a very different personality. All of them have different strengths and struggles. Parenting at this stage of life is still very much an adventure. We are always learning and being stretched as parents. (And some kids stretch us more than others!!)
Even though it shouldn't, I still feel surprised when God encourages me in my parenting, putting a new twist on a Bible story I've heard many, many times. This happened a few months ago on Good Friday. I was completely thrown off guard. Good Friday is the most solemn day of the Church's calendar, and my thoughts were on Calvary, not on my teenagers. But God still gave me a nudge and turned my focus in a different direction.
A New Perspective on a Familiar Verse.
It was John 18:10:
"Then Simon Peter, who had a sword, drew it, struck the high priest's slave, and cut off his right ear ... Jesus said to Peter, "Put your sword into its scabbard; shall I not drink the chalice that the Father gave me?"
And the thought came-that I felt was inspired by God-that connected this verse to our youngest daughter, Kate, and to raising children in general.
So often, I react like Saint Peter when I see one of my kids going through hard things. I raise my sword, ready to "attack" and protect them. Maybe my sword isn't in a scabbard. My "sword" is my pocket. I can whip my phone out with the best of them to send a (scathing) email or text to "right" the perceived wrong my child has experienced. ('The keyboard is mightier than the sword' is the updated version of the well-known phrase, "The pen is mightier than the sword."!)
While it doesn't happen often, I have been known to go "Mama Bear" at times. When stuff starts hitting the fan, my kids will joke, "Uh-oh, Mom's going to send out emails!"
But is that what God is actually asking of me? Is God asking me to attack, or could He be asking me to wait? To allow the situation to unfold in the way He has planned it, even if His ways are not what I had in mind. What if God is asking me to allow them to "drink the chalice the Father has given" because God wants to save them Himself without my "help"?
I try to be very good at "helping". Letting go and trusting ... yeah, I'm not as good at that. (Maybe that's why I needed so many children? God knew I was going to need a lot of extra practice to show improvement!)
This all makes me think of something I heard Laura Phelps say at the Worcester Women's Conference in 2022. Laura said, "If we always step in and save our kids, then they won't have a need for the true Savior."
Ouch.
That's certainly not the goal.
As we enter into a new school year, with the mix of excitement for all the possibilities along with anxiety about all the unknowns, maybe we can all learn a lesson from Saint Peter. Before we react to any of the situations we find our kids in that are sure to signal danger to our nervous systems, let's take a moment to pray before we react. Let's leave our phones in our pockets...or, better yet, in another room entirely... and bring the situation before God in prayer. Let's ask Him if this is something we need to react to right away, or if it's something He's asking us to trust Him with. Is God asking us to jump in and fix something, or is He asking us to wait and allow the situation to unfold in His time?
That can be hard to do in the heat of the moment when emotions are running high! But taking that pause can ensure we allow God to do His job, and it allows us to receive the wisdom to discern our role in His plan.
Sometimes God's wisdom will lead us to send that email or try to directly resolve the problem. But more often, God's wisdom is going to ask us to wait, pray, and trust Him as He resolves the issue in His time and in His way. (Without any direct "help" from us.) Surrendering the painful situation to Him, especially when it involves one of our children, is so incredibly hard to do!
It will drive us to our knees...make us lean into God...and over time will strengthen our trust and our relationship with Him. In turn, our greater closeness with God will give us more grace for ourselves that will spill over to our spouse and children.
And one thing that I am absolutely certain of is that, when it comes to teenagers, we need all the grace we can get!!
Thanks so much for reading this post! I'm excited to share that I'm the author of a brand new book, Journeying Through Infant Loss with Our Lady of Sorrows. You can find it through Pauline Books and Media or on Amazon!
(This article first appeared Catholicmom.com)
