When A Saint Reaches Into Our Lives

Sometimes in difficult life situations we go searching for a saint, but sometimes it seems that a saint comes searching for us.  

Several years ago, my daughter was going through some severe trauma that had a huge impact on my own heart. Only three weeks into the struggle, we were still in a state of shock and steeped deep in survival mode where even breathing felt like it took a lot of work. I couldn't figure out how to stop the pain in order to try and find some path of healing I wasn't sure even existed.

As I dragged myself out of bed to head to daily Mass to continue begging God for help, I felt a nudge to invite my daughter to come with me. It turns out that on that particular morning, God was orchestrating a Divine appointment.

Connecting With a Saint

What I didn't realize before we got to Mass was that particular day happened to be Saint Maria Goretti's feast day. While I knew her story, I did not have a deep devotion to Saint Maria Goretti. Yet, in that moment, I knew that God had inspired my daughter to accept my invitation so that He could minister to her through Saint Maria Goretti. And minister He did.

My daughter also knew Saint Maria Goretti's story and during Mass she also felt that God was comforting her heart through the intercession of this special saint. As Mass ended, our pastor at the time announced that he had a first class relic for all of us to venerate. Saint Maria Goretti was literally present at Mass with us. 

After Mass and venerating the relic, we knelt in the quiet church to pray. Our pastor, who knew what my daughter was working through, came up to us and said, "I think that Saint Maria Goretti wants to go home with you today." And he generously allowed my daughter to borrow the relic for several days. There was a great sense of peace that entered my daughter's heart that day. While God did not work a complete miracle of healing through Saint Maria Goretti, He did give us a smaller "miracle of a moment". Saint Maria Goretti brought some respite to our home and reminded us of God's love and care in the midst of a painful situation.

From Tragedy to Sainthood

Saint Maria Goretti was born in Italy in 1890. She lost her father at a young age to malaria and Maria watched her five younger siblings while her mother worked to support them. When Maria was eleven, her neighbor, Alessandro Serenelli, tried to physically assault her. She resisted his attempts, shouting that it was a sin and put his soul in danger. In anger, Alessandro stabbed her 14 times. Maria died twenty-four hours later, forgiving her murderer for all around her to hear. Alessandro was sentenced to thirty years in prison. He was unrepentant and angry until Maria appeared to him in a dream eight years into his sentence. Maria gave Alessandro 14 lilies and repeated her forgiveness for him to hear and for her desire that he be in Heaven with her one day. Alessandro had a change of heart and, when he was released from prison, went straight to Maria's mother to beg forgiveness before joining a religious community. Maria's mother not only forgave him, but she came to consider him an adopted son. When Maria was canonized in 1950, her mother and Alessandro were both present, kneeling beside each other.

Deeper Lessons

It's such a grace when a saint reaches into our lives in such an evident way. Saint Maria Goretti's visit to us on her feast day that year was a gift that I will always treasure. And while it was instrumental in bringing some relief to an acute situation, our visit with Saint Maria Goretti opened a door for greater reflection on her life and a broader focus on our own story.

As a mom, I was drawn to the reaction of Saint Maria Goretti's mother and all that she suffered. Maria's mother, Assunta, suffered the horrible trauma of watching her daughter die from the wounds caused by their neighbor's brutal assault. Assunta had to live with the pain that she wasn't present to protect Maria from Alessandro as she worked through her grief over Maria's death. And yet, Assunta accepted the grace to forgive Alessandro when he came to her after his release from prison. 

Assunta's ability to forgive herself and to forgive Alessandro and allow him to be a part of her life were definitely great graces from God. Assunta, who followed her daughter's example to forgive, continues to give me much to ponder and challenges me in my own life situation to keep my heart open and allow God to work. Forgiveness, mercy, and healing do not come easily (or quickly) to our hearts that are broken when someone has hurt us or our loved ones. But if we can keep our hearts open to God, He can redeem our brokenness into wholeness and use our experiences for His greater glory.

Saint Maria Goretti, pray for us and all those that we love who have been hurt by another. Please open our hearts to give and receive forgiveness, repentance, and to allow God in to redeem the most broken parts of our hearts. Amen

I wrote this post as part of Catholicmom.com’s Holy Women’s History Month. Each day in March a writer has shared a personal story of how different female saints have interceded in their lives. You can check out all of the other reflections on their website!:) 

The "Trying Threes"

Three is not my favorite age.

With all eight of my children, I always found their three year old year to be the most challenging. The cute toddler often morphed into moments of being a tiny tyrant once they were three. There's a willfulness that emerges and three year olds aren't as easily redirected. When they want something ...or don't want something... you're going to know about it and they don't give up as easily as they used to. There's lots of silliness that's harder to distract them from, and they easily pick up bad habits from other young kiddos that drive their parents, (and grandparents!) crazy.

In the Trenches

Two of my sons and their wives are experiencing this phase of childhood. One son has a three year old boy and the other has three year old twin boys. Parenting one three year old has challenging moments. When the twin three year olds are having challenging moments it feels like I'm a referee with a broken whistle at the WWE wrestling match! Sometimes it's only one of the twins that is testing and pushing limits but, quite often, the other starts to mimic the negative behavior and it's a two on one moment of extreme silliness where they've lost the ability to listen to Grammy's demands to cease and desist.

My three big boys hard at work making memories (and messes!) with Grammy:)

Nothing Lasts Forever

Despite how hard it can be to have two kids in the same difficult stage at once, I do have the experience to know that even the hardest stages don't last forever. I watch the twins and their almost 18 month old brother three days a week. The twins turn four next month, and I'm praying that some of the challenges we've had in the last several months will be extinguished with the Paw Patrol candles they blow out at their birthday party. 

My son has joked a few times with me lately, "Mom, think how easy it will be when the twins are in preschool next year and you only have one to watch." And while that certainly will be easier, I don't want to wish this moment away with the twins either.

I know that there is joy to be had even in the difficult stage. And while it's easy to allow the negatives to build up and slip into a posture of "white knuckling" until things get easier, that kind of thinking keeps me from being present in the moment and robs me of any good happening in the 'right now'. Early childhood is a really special time of development. Never again do you have the same amount of time with your children or grandchildren once they start school. Everything changes - and that's exciting and sad all at the same time.

Knowing that my time with the boys is dwindling gives me the encouragement to work through the moments when they push and challenge me so that we can get back to an atmosphere of, well, more 'normal chaos', so that I can love on them and enjoy them. I want to be able to stop and savor the moments with the three year olds when Leo asks me to sit and snuggle with him, or Ambrose excitedly wants to show me the block tower that he's built, or Xavier wants to tell me the "joke" he's come up with all on his own. These moments are fleeting and I don't want to miss out on them; even on the days that it's a see-saw of time-outs, redirection, and starting over dozens of times.

Living through the "Trying Threes" definitely makes me lean into God many times a day. Short prayers begging for patience slide through my lips just as frequently as "Do you have to go potty?" and "We need to keep our hands to ourselves!". There are days that the boys leave my house and I'm feeling grateful and have peace (and am also in desperate need of a nap!) But on the harder days, I feel very inadequate and question if someone else could be doing a better job with them and that I'm failing at being a grammy. Those feelings aren't all that different from the times that I have felt/still feel inadequate and that I'm failing as a mom. I don't think that I expected that fear of failure and not being enough to travel with me to this next generation. Yet, here it is.

Thankfully there's something else that followed me into life with a new generation: faith. In a lot of ways, praise God, it's much stronger than in my early years of motherhood. And while there's still lots of room to grow, loving and living life with these little ones gives me lots of opportunities to turn to God, admit my poverty, and ask for His grace to pour into me so I can pour into all those He has entrusted to me. 

"The Lord's acts of mercies are not exhausted, his compassion is not spent:

they are new every morning - great is your faithfulness."(Lamentations 3:22-23)

Life With (Yet Another) Teenager

My youngest officially entered into the teenage years in December. I've experienced seven other children enter the teenage years and lived to tell about it! And while each experiences has been different, I have to say that this time around I've noticed that the popular slang seems much more prevalent. (And confusing!)

There's just so much of it! I feel like slang in the more recent past consisted of a few words here or there. But sometimes it feels like Gen Z is creating a whole new language! And while occasionally it's fun to tease my two teenagers by using their slang poorly, most of the time it just leaves me shaking my head!!

My daughter kindly created this slang "cheat sheet" for Me:

Joy and Sorrow

The pre-teen and teenage years can be overwhelming for parents. Even Mary and Joseph had a moment in Jesus' adolescence that brought them pain and confusion. 

"Each year his parents went to Jerusalem for the feast of Passover, and when he was twelve years old, they went up according to festival custom. After they had completed its days, as they were returning, the boy Jesus remained behind in Jerusalem, but his parents did not know it. Thinking that he was in the caravan, they journeyed for a day and looked for him among their relatives and acquaintances, but not finding him, they returned to Jerusalem to look for him. After three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions, and all who heard him were astounded at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him, they were astonished, and his mother said to him, "Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety." And he said to them, "Why were you looking for ? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?" But they did not understand what he said to them. He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart. And Jesus advanced in wisdom and age favor before God and man." (Luke 2:41-52)

The Finding in the Temple is the Fifth Joyful Mystery of the Rosary. But this event, Losing the Child Jesus in the Temple, is also the Third of Mary's Seven Sorrows. And if there's anything that defines the teenage years, it's a mix of joy and sorrow. 

As your child grows and changes into a teenager and young adult it creates new ways to communicate and spend time together. (At least it can be when they answer our questions about their day with more than the word "fine" and aren't hibernating in their room!) And while there is joy to see our children become the men and women God created them to be, there is also sadness in the long, hard process of letting go. 

I've been thinking about Mary's Third Sorrow quite a bit in the last couple of months. The trip to the temple that year marked a turning point in Mary's mothering and her relationship with her Son. Mary obviously wasn't expecting Jesus to stay behind in Jerusalem. Mary and Joseph looked for Jesus with "great anxiety". Even Jesus' answer to them wasn't what they expected. Mary and Joseph were being grown and stretched by Jesus’ growth and change. Though he returned home with them, something was different. The loss of Jesus in the temple reminded Mary and Joseph of the reality of Jesus' mission. And while Mary knew how to live perfectly in the present moment loving and caring for her Son, the sorrow of knowing that Jesus' mission would eventually lead to her losing His constant physical presence and bring her closer to Simeon's prophecy of a "sword piercing her heart" was also present.  

That happens to us too. Our relationship with our preteen and teenage children shifts along with their growth spurts and hormones. Sometimes it feels that our sweet, loving children turn into teenagers overnight. Frequent snuggles, reading books together, and them wanting to be in our presence with our full attention that is the reality of our everyday life for years becomes a rare occurrence. Our child's reaction to us starts to change and it isn't what we have come to expect. As parents, we are grown and stretched by our children's growth and change. 

And Mary shows us how to work through that as a mother. Mary shows us how to ponder changes and difficult moments by prayerfully reflecting instead of reacting. Through joys and sorrows, Mary shows us how to accept God's Will in her life even when it's unexpected and difficult.  She teaches us how to  surrender each situation and trust God all while keeping her heart open to the unknown. Mary lives each moment fully alive.

I hope to learn from Mary's example as I journey through the joys and challenges as the mom of a teenager one last time. 

A New Little Life

Every time one of our older kids has shared the announcement that they were expecting has been a time of celebration and joy. Each of my grandchildren's pregnancy and birth stories have been special, and all filled with their own moments of joys and sorrows. We recently welcomed our sixth grandchild into our family. Her story has been filled with lots of twists and turns, but also with lots of reminders of Who is in control regardless of our circumstances.

Hoping to Become a Mama

My daughter, Sarah, is our third child to get married. She was looking forward to having her own little one after she married her husband, Mike, in August of 2022. After a year without a positive pregnancy test, they met with a doctor to do a few tests to make sure there weren't any issues. Unfortunately, right before Christmas last year, Sarah was harmed in one of the procedures by an incompetent technician and what should have been a 24 hour easy recovery ended up being three months of horrible, incapacitating pain. 

The first month after the procedure Sarah was unable to care for herself on her own. The constant physical pain also ended up causing a trauma response of debilitating migraines. It was horrible to watch my self sufficient, young adult daughter be unable to even walk to the bathroom by herself! 

About two months after the procedure, Sarah was prayed over with a first class relic of Saint Teresa of Calcutta. Just a couple of weeks after that experience, Sarah had a positive pregnancy test and was able to share the exciting news that she was expecting!

A Bumpy Start

The first few months of pregnancy were really rough for Sarah. Her body was still healing from the procedure and she spent the first 20 weeks of her pregnancy vomiting multiple times a day. It was so hard to see her so sick after she had already suffered so much from the procedure. Just when I thought she might be one of those poor mamas who spend their entire pregnancies feeling ill, thankfully the nausea subsided and Sarah lost her temporary shade of green!

Once Sarah was feeling better, we had a gender reveal party and all cheered when we saw pink. We were excited to add another little princess to our crew. With four grandsons, our only granddaughter, Claire, needed a buddy! At her baby shower in late September, Sarah announced her daughter's name: Aurora Theresa. Theresa was in thanksgiving for St. Teresa's intercession and the spelling with an "h" was a nod to Sarah's older sister, Therese, (named after St. Therese of Lisieux), who passed away from a genetic disorder before Sarah was born. You can't have too many Teresa's/Therese's praying for you!

A New Plan

On October 9th, Sarah texted me in the morning: "One month until my due date!" But at lunch time that same day she called me saying, "I don't feel right."  We ended up in her doctor's office where Sarah's blood pressure of 178/110  and diagnosis of preeclampsia earned her a quick trip to the hospital. Thankfully, a couple of doses of medication and an IV of magnesium got her blood pressure under control and kept her from an emergency c-section. But Aurora was now arriving earlier than anticipated as the doctor gave Sarah medication to get her body ready to induce labor.

We were all worried about Sarah because of her blood pressure issues and about Aurora coming four weeks early and the potential for needing time in the NICU. But we had lots of family and friends praying for us, including some local Missionary of Charity Sisters, and God gave us some "God winks" along the way that reminded us that He was with us and in charge of the situation

The blankets Sarah had in the labor room reminded me of Mother Teresa's sari. That felt like a God wink and reminded us of her continued intercession for Aurora.

There was also a really special event that happened the night Sarah was in labor that felt pretty miraculous. The night that Sarah was in labor, the Aurora Borealis was visible in the night sky in Massachusetts! What a special story for Aurora to hear about the night before she was born! It felt like a gift from God.

And even though from the hospital room in the city we only got a glimpse of faint green light, Mike's mom got this amazing pic from her house just one town over from where we were!

Aurora's name means "the dawn" so it felt just right when she arrived into the world at 6:28 am, just before sunrise on the morning of October 11th. Aurora is small but fiesty, (just like her mama), and came in the room with lots of crying and a headful of dark hair. 

Reflections As the Mom of the Mama

Being in the delivery room was a really special experience for me. Although I have given birth nine times, this is the first time that I got to be part of the support squad. I loved being able to encourage Sarah as she went through the labor process and also encourage Mike as he lovingly supported Sarah through labor. I prayed throughout the whole labor for the grace to give them both whatever they needed most at the moment. Sometimes it was my presence, sometimes it was advice, and sometimes it was knowing when to give them both some space and privacy to experience this life changing moment as a couple. It was a delicate, but worthwhile, balance.

I got to marvel at the beauty of the design of a woman's body and all that our bodies are capable of doing to grow and deliver a whole new person! There is a sacredness that surrounds the birth of a new little life. And there are moments of those long hours with Sarah that are etched on my heart with a beauty that words just can't capture.

There were many special moments, but I had two favorites. The first occurred shortly before Aurora's grand entrance into the world. After Sarah's epidural was topped off around 2am, the three of us were able to get a couple of hours of much needed rest. I woke up around 4:30 in the quiet, semi-dark room while Sarah still slept peacefully. I knew that Sarah was on borrowed time for being able to deliver without a c-section because of her blood pressure. I was praying that Sarah's labor had progressed in the time that she was sleeping and that she could avoid surgery. I prayed for Sarah and Aurora's health and for all the graces their new little family would need in the coming hours and days. And I thanked Him for protecting Sarah and Aurora and the care they had received in the craziness of the past twenty-four hours. I felt a sense of peace, serenity, and surrender. 

Sarah woke up soon after, calm and smiling. We got to share a special quiet moment. That sense of peace continued to envelop the whole room. And when the midwife came in and found Sarah had dilated to 9cm, we were able to breathe a sigh of relief and were filled with gratitude that she had progressed and Aurora's arrival was getting close!

My other favorite moment happened after Aurora's birth. It was disappointing when Aurora needed a little oxygen and some time in the NICU. Shortly after her birth, Sarah was able to go over and visit Aurora. At first the nurse told Sarah that she couldn't hold Aurora, which was really hard. But Aurora started crying and wouldn't be consoled until the nurse put her in her mama's arms. As soon as Aurora rested against her mama's heart, there was a palpable peace that fell across the whole room. Aurora settled right down and Sarah slipped into her new vocation utterly and completely as she spoke words of love to her baby girl in a soft, soothing voice. It was a beautiful moment. 

Aurora came home after just five days in the hospital, (on the feast of St. Teresa of Avila...another Teresa!!!)... and is very loved by her (very tired) mommy and daddy. I'm so grateful for all of the ways that God showed us His love and intercession on Aurora's journey into our family.  

Our Precious Aurora Theresa

The Long Road of Rediscovering Myself

October is my favorite month of the year! I love the fall days that are still filled with lots of sunshine. I love the cooler weather and putting on a soft, comfy sweater to stay warm. My absolute favorite thing about October is the colors. Living in Southern New England means leaves of red, yellow and orange turning the outdoors into a constantly changing work of art. I love to sit in our backyard as my young grandsons play and gaze at the beautiful leaves against the bright blue sky. Every time I'm outside I just try to soak up the beauty of this season that always passes by quicker than I want it to.

Our newest granddaughter, Aurora Theresa.(3 weeks)
Photo credit to her mama's creativity!

Ambrose enjoying Pupa's leaf pile!

Leo joining in on the fun:)

The changing of the world around me has inspired reflection about the seasons of my life. Like October, the different seasons of motherhood are filled with moments of beauty that pass quickly. When I was a young mom with many little children, (we had seven children in ten years), life felt that it would never change and I was in a perpetual season of pregnancy, nursing, and managing crazy life with babies, toddlers, and school age children. 

Even though it felt like life would be the same forever, the reality is that it's always changing. Even within that busy part of my story, there were subplots. My children started reaching school age, I started a journey to work on my mental health after not addressing the emotional pain I carried for years from losing our first daughter to a genetic disorder and having a son diagnosed diagnosed with severe autism. Eventually you reach a point where new opportunities appear and you have choices to make about which path you want to follow. 

My First New Season

When the youngest of my crew entered kindergarten, I felt pretty lost. After 15 years of having at least one child at home all the time, the change felt so dramatic. I felt like my life purpose was over. (see...dramatic!) But after a few months I found a routine of working part time, taking care my family and actually enjoying a little free time. I started thinking and praying about other paths that I could take in this new season. Sometimes the new paths aren't as straight as they look. God likes to throw in surprises.  And just as I settled in and started to enjoy my new routine, the road that I was on took a sharp right turn!

God seems to love a plot twist. After grieving for several months what I thought was the end of my journey with babies, accepting a new path, and starting to get excited about new adventures, I found out I was expecting our first bonus baby, a little boy we named Luke. And, yes, I said "first" because two years later God sent us a "bonus, bonus" baby, our daughter Kate. 

Even though in some ways I started over, the short experience that I had considering new paths God seemed to be opening up gave me an expanded view of motherhood this time around. Especially once Kate was born and the challenges of having an infant and a busy toddler felt a little isolating. I started to look for or create opportunities for connection that worked for the life stage I was in.

Since getting out with two little ones is challenging, I started inviting a few other moms that I had met through church and my older children's school for a small book study in my home. This lasted for several years and was a great way to grow friendships and enjoy sharing thoughts over lots of good books. I also started a blog, which fulfilled the desire that I had to write about my adventures in parenting and sharing my faith.

Five years later, when Kate entered kindergarten, it was an easier transition emotionally for me. (Although I still cried when I dropped her off on the first day!) But I was ready to see what God had in store for me beyond parenting littles. The journey was not a straight, easy path. I worked for several years, tried a few grad school classes, and felt like I was floundering at times. I helped several adult children plan weddings. (and when my son got married in the summer or 2020, I helped plan, unplan and replan that wedding multiple times!) My role as "mom" was expanded to a new title of "grammy" six times in the last three years. And through all the changes, I was still trying to see who God meant for me to be in this new stage of life.

The Newest Journey

While I'm still very involved as mom, especially to the four kids who still live at home, (and "grammy" to all the littles I'm blessed to see multiple times each week), I'm also discovering a new path God has opened up for me. The desire to write has continued for me and has expanded in the last year beyond just blogposts. I'm currently working on a book project with Pauline Books and Media, which is such an exciting and amazing opportunity. I'm not really sure what the future holds, but for right now I am enjoying this writing adventure. It's quite the learning curve(!), but God continues to put wonderful people in my path that encourage me, inspire me, and mentor me. Seasons continue to change, but each one brings moments of beauty that only God can create.

I would love to hear about the passing beauty of the season that you find yourself in. Feel free to share in the comments.:)

Works of the Heart

Over the years, I have attempted to learn how to knit and crochet many times. I've always loved the beautiful colors of yarn on the store shelves, their soft texture just begging me to run my fingers along the neatly rolled skeins. I would enthusiastically begin projects that I lacked fortitude to finish when I couldn't figure out how to fix the many mistakes I kept making. It was easier to give up than ask for help and keep working at the skill until I became proficient.

That all changed about twelve years ago.

My grandmother was an amazingly talented knitter and crocheter. We still have all the blankets, sweaters and hats that she lovingly made for her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Now that my own kids are starting their families, I've started passing these treasures down to them. I think it's so special that these little ones are wrapped in blankets made by their great-great grandmother!

Twelve years ago, my Grandma was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I wanted to show my love for her by crocheting her a blanket. This time, my motivation was much deeper than just the beauty and feel of the yarn. I wanted Grandma to know that what she gave to me...loving her family by cooking for them, making handmade gifts of beauty, and praying for all of us with her daily rosary...meant so much to me. I inherited my Grandma's love of her faith, big family meals (with lots of homemade desserts(!), and I wanted to be able to push past my lack of fortitude and pride to create something beautiful for her.

It's Not About Perfection

I asked my friend, Carol, to help me learn a simple crochet stich and feverishly started working on a blanket with beautiful, soft yarn in multiple shades of purple. Grandma's health declined fairly quickly as I spent every night after my kids went to bed working on stitch after stitch. While it was certainly a work of love more than perfection, (there were quite a few uneven rows!) I was able to finish it in the nick of time. I delivered the gift the last time I saw my Grandma. It was the last day that she was awake and just a couple of days before she passed. My aunts were caring for her full time in my Grandmother's small apartment in elderly housing, and they laid my blanket over her legs.

Even though the blanket wasn't perfect, it brought me so much joy to be able to give my grandmother a gift that came from my heart. The blanket felt like a whispered thank-you for all that she had taught me by the example of her life.

Even though I didn't regularly crochet after that first special project, it gave me the desire and the confidence that I could carry on my grandmother's creative legacy. (Along with making her stuffed quahogs and apple pie!)

About four years ago, I learned that I was going to become a grandmother for the first time. Crocheting a blanket for this new little life and continuing my Grandma's tradition was really important to me. After learning that there would be twin boys joining our family, I watched some youtube videos, bought some yarn in blue and green hues, and jumped right in!

Now, each of my grandbabies gets a hand crocheted blanket from Grammy before their arrival. (and so do my kids' friends who have started families of their own.) I'm currently working on a blanket for grandbaby number six, a sweet little girl that is due to join our family in early November.

The Grace of Connection

Creating these gifts of love feels like I'm crocheting more that just yarn. I feel like I'm stitching together history of our family; one woman's love passed down from one generation to the next, like a string just waiting to be crocheted into the lives of the next generation. 

My grandmother might not have had wealth or celebrity status or anything that the world would have seen as special and admirable, but she did have the most important thing: love. And she poured out her love to all of us in small, hidden ways her entire life; even knitting or crocheting for her great-grandchildren at the age of 93 despite the pain of severely arthritic fingers!

Grandma wanted each and every member of her family to know her love for them. It's the last words that I heard her say. Grandma knew she was in the last hours of her life at my last visit with her. As I stood by my Grandma's bed holding my almost one year old daughter, Kate, my grandmother reached out to touch her little legs saying over and over again, "I love you. I love you. I loved you." Grandma wanted to make sure that Kate knew how loved she was by her, since she wouldn't be here to tell Kate as she grew up. To Grandma, love was always the most important thing.

I hope that my Grandma is smiling down from Heaven every time one of her great-great grandchildren is wrapped in the work of her hands...and the work of her heart. 

Just a couple examples of my Grandma's creations!:)

Patient Perserverance

During Lent of 2023, I started on an adventure of a big writing project on Our Lady of Sorrows. As part of my Lenten practices that year, I decided to pray one or Mary's Sorrows each day of the week...which was so convenient since there are seven of them! That practice continued once Lent was over ...as did my writing project... and I still pray one sorrow (most!) mornings.

Each of Mary's Sorrows has it's own inspiration as we see how the virtues of our Blessed Mother shine through in the most traumatic moments of her life. There are moments in my life that I can relate to the emotional trauma of the different sorrows. Knowing how Mary continually leaned into God and trusted Him despite tragic circumstances helps me to try and do the same when life becomes dark and feels hopeless. It's also very comforting to know that I have a Mother who desires to console me and can understand what I'm experiencing when I face deep loss and grief. 

The sorrow I find myself resonating with most at the moment is the Seventh Sorrow: The Burial of Jesus. Mary's unwavering trust in a moment that seemed so hopeless encourages me in the situation in my own life that seems impossible to resurrect. Mary surrendered to God's plan without knowing all of the details. Mary trusted even though her heart was shattered watching her beloved Son be tortured and killed. Mary laid down her own will as she watched Jesus' body be laid and sealed in a tomb. And in a great act of trust, Mary walked away from that tomb, not in despair, but carrying her pain in quiet perseverance as she waited on what God would do. 

Waiting is hard. And it's especially hard when we are waiting for God to redeem pain and brokenness in our life or in the lives of those we love. I can't say that I always wait on God with Mary's quiet perseverance and trust. I sometimes find myself in a pendulum swing dangerously close to despair. When I'm in that dark place, I'm struggling to find hope and believe that God can or will resurrect the brokenness in my life. I'm doubting His goodness and His love for me. Those doubts can get pretty loud in my head and the more I focus on them, the more they grow (and grow and grow) so that they are the only things that I can think about. My fear and anxiety drown out God's truth and light.

But just like the tomb wasn't the end of the story, our own struggles don't end in the darkness. God is always with us and will never leave us or forsake us (see Deuteronomy 31:8), even if we can't feel Him at the moment. Like Sister Miriam James Heidland says on the Abiding Together Podcast  Season 14 episode 22, we need to "accept the fragments" that God sends us each day. While God certainly could, (and it would be amazing if He would!), fix our pain and trauma in an instant, that's not usually the way He works. Rather, God sends us what we need a fragment at a time. As we learn to look for and accept the fragments He sends, God teaches us to trust Him and turn to Him in our emotional poverty more and more. 

And as we gather the fragments that God always sends-things like a Bible verse that touches our heart, a song that speaks to our pain, a spouse or friend that wants to sit with us in our brokenness, a book that consoles us, a bird or a butterfly or a flower that is meaningful to us, or in any way because God is God and He can use anything(!)- it lets a little bit of light push back the darkness that we are feeling. And as we collect the fragments and more light and hope comes in, we are able to return to our stance of surrender and waiting with patient perseverance, just like Mary teaches us.